I was watching the PBS program This Emotional Life – which is fantastic – and one of the researchers explained how the brains of people with depression become hardwired to cop to the negative. He said it much more elegantly but when I heard this, the bush burned, the clouds parted, the cherubim sang and my life made a lot more sense.

I ALWAYS cop to the negative. I ALWAYS assume the worst will happen and, hey, if the best happens, well, extra bonus points! I do this with the big things in life: “They’re not going to give you a raise so don’t waste your time asking.” “You’re never going to be able to retire so get over it.” ”Just settle for what you can get.” ”You’re not going to find a handsome, kind, honest guy who thinks that diamonds really are a girl’s best friend – and even if you did, you think he’s going to want to go out with YOU?”  Copping to the negative allows me to live life as a victim. I did not know any other way to live.

Then I went shopping with a friend. The parking lot was crowded. “There’s a spot,” I pointed out – the first one I saw – about 1/4 mile from the store. “No,” he said. “I start at the very best spot and work my way out. You have to assume you’re going to get the best spot.” And I’ll be damned, he got a really good spot up front.

“Some people settle,” he said.

Holy cow! This was an extraordinary revelation. I am a settler. I settle. I would have settled for the parking spot in Egypt without thinking that a better spot might be out there. My brain instinctively cops to the negative. It’s subliminal and subtle but it’s there. So over the Christmas holidays I decided to try his theory of positive parking. It worked damn near every time, even at the new Super Target and the mall. It worked at the grocery store, too, and in parking garages and on the street. It worked everywhere. I just assume I’m going to get a good parking spot and…I do!

I cannot explain how revolutionary this kind of thinking is for me and how giddy I feel when I actually get a really good parking spot. I know this sounds stupid. But imagine if I copped to the positive when it came to asking for a raise or retirement planning or the handsome, kind, honest guy who thinks that diamonds really are a girl’s best friend? 

What would that be like? I have no freakin’ clue but I am working on it.

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From Psych Central's website:
PsychCentral (January 7, 2010)

    Last reviewed: 7 Jan 2010