Today is National Suicide Survivors Day. Survivors are the loved ones who live with anguished – and sometimes angry – hearts. Their lives are consumed with unimaginable sorrow and unanswered questions: What could I have done? How could I have missed this? Why? Why? Why? How do I live with this?

“You don’t,” said a mother whose son killed himself with a gunshot to the head. “You learn to live around it.”

My thoughts today turn to two coworkers – one drank himself to death, the other swallowed a bottle of pills and left behind two young sons. “He’s really cold,” one of the boys told me as we stood beside his father’s casket.

My thoughts today are with another friend who left left behind twin boys – just toddlers – when he closed the garage door and turned the ignition key on his truck. My prayers today are for the widow of German soccer star Robert Enke – whose husband stepped in front of a train two weeks ago. He had depression and was overwhelmed with fear that if his illness became public the baby girl the couple adopted earlier this year would be taken from them – just as their natural daughter was taken from them several years ago when her heart failed.

I will spent today at a local conference of suicide survivors. I doubt I will be able to listen to all of the speakers’ stories. But I will try. Suicide scares me. I have seen a glimpse of the unfathomable grief it leaves behind. Suicide scares me because I know I am capable of it. Twice before I have tried. I know the thoughts. I know the singleness of purpose. I know the pain. I know, I know, I know.

Today I will pray that God gives the survivors serenity, acceptance and absolution from their unnecessary guilt. Even if just for a moment, God, just let them have some peace.

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From Psych Central's website:
PsychCentral (November 21, 2009)

    Last reviewed: 21 Nov 2009