There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.

Chapter 5, How it Works, from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous

I had heard this sentence a thousand times at meetings before my diagnosis and never gave it a thought. Now I do. I believe it was written for us alcoholics and addicts who have a companion mental illness, such as depression, bipolar and schizophrenia. I have depression and bipolar along with alcoholism. Now, when that sentence is read, I hear it.

At first I could not figure out what it meant. Capacity to be honest? What does that mean? I am honest. I’m from Wisconsin. We’re terminally honest, don’tcha know? And why does it say “capacity to be honest” instead of just “honest.” Heck, I have the capacity for a LOT of things – you should have seen how much beer I used to drink.

So, what does that sentence mean? For me, honesty means accepting that I – alone – am powerless over all my mental illnesses – alcoholism, depression and bipolar. I cannot get better all by myself. I need to take off my cape and ask for help – and I HATE asking for help.

Honesty means I have to accept that all the meetings and 12th Step work in the world are not enough to make me well – I need medication. Honesty means I have to tell the truth – the whole truth – to my nurse practitioner. I must tell her that I am an alcoholic and I do NOT want any antidepressants, mood stabilizers, anti-anxiety or sleeping pills that could get me high – especially benzodiazepines.

Honesty means I have to treat ALL my mental illnesses – always. I cannot stop going to meetings just because I am taking my medications as prescribed. It does not mean that I can stop taking my medications because I think I am well and don’t need them anymore. Honesty means that I need therapy – I need to change the way my alcoholic brain thinks and reacts.

Honesty means doing the next right thing. Honesty is humility. Honesty is my best shot at happiness, don’tcha know.

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From Psych Central's website:
PsychCentral (October 19, 2009)

    Last reviewed: 18 Oct 2009