I cannot sleep any longer. I have slept 24 of the last 36 hours. I am still tired but I cannot sleep. Give me a couple of hours and I am sure I could go back to bed for another 4 or 5 more hours. But I have decided to go back to work today. I took off yesterday. I could not get out of bed. This could be the beginning. I feel horribly guilty for taking off work yesterday. If I had the swine flu I wouldn’t have thought twice about sleeping 24 of the last 36 hours. But depression, I still beat myself up for getting depressed.

Here’s the deal with my depression. I have the tools to recognize and defuse it. My problem is picking them up and using them. This depression has been in the making for a couple of months now. It is fueled by my fear of being laid off and that fear has fueled my furious you-can’t-live-without-me work pace. Long, long hours. Uber intense concentration. Faster than the speed of light.

“You know where this is headed, right?” my therapist asked during my last visit.

I do now.

So in between my naps yesterday I told myself that my world is not ending, I won’t always feel like this, my life isn’t bad. This is just the illusion of depression. Your depression is making you feel like this but this is not the real world… This is the world you feel and see when you are depressed… You are sick… It won’t last… Talk about it… Tell your friends how you feel… Call your nurse-practitioner… Go visit your therapist… Rest, but not too much… Take your meds… Get off the pity pot… You can change your thoughts… You have control over your thoughts…Your life doesn’t suck… You just published a book!… You have book signings coming up!… Remember, this is the world you see and feel when you are sick… this won’t last, this won’t last, this won’t last…Get up and walk the damn dog!

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From Psych Central's website:
PsychCentral (September 25, 2009)

Strategies to Combat Against Depression | Narrotin News (September 26, 2009)

    Last reviewed: 25 Sep 2009