I hit the mental illness trifecta. I have depression, bipolar AND alcoholism. I think of them as my wiley little triplets. If one wants to take a nap, the other two won’t have it. They get so wound up that nap time is a bust. They are very, very strong. They play rough and by their own rules. They do NOT like to be told what to do and will do everything and anything to stop anyone who tries to control them. Alcoholism is the ring-leader.

Controlling them is like squeezing one of those squishy toys filled with liquid. Grab one end and the other end pops out. Grab the middle and the ends pop out. Grab both ends and the middle pops out. Everyday I check the whereabouts of all three. “Depression, how are you feeling today? Want a drink to make you feel better?”

I take medications for the depression and bipolar and see my therapist. The medicine I take for my alcoholism is a 12-step program. That is how serious I take the disease of alcoholism and my program of recovery. It is medicine, just like antidepressants and mood-stabilizers. It’s not something I can slack off on today just because I have managed to stay away from a drink for nearly 11 years. I am always one drink away from relapse and I always will be.

I learned the hard way not to mess with my antidepressants and mood-stabilizer. Last year, I stupidly decided to cut the doses because I felt better. I finally ratted myself out to my nurse practitioner and she chewed me out. I am so grateful that I have not had the same experience with my alcoholism – “You’re feeling so much better and you haven’t craved a drink in years. Go ahead, have just one…”

Game over.

These can be – and often are – fatal illnesses, especially when you have all three. No matter what, no matter what, no matter what – I treat all three – everyday. Right now, all three are in time-out and mom is very, very happy.

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Bipolar Disorder and Alcoholism (October 13, 2009)

    Last reviewed: 30 Jul 2009