Sometimes I drink in my dreams. Almost 11 years of sobriety and I still get drunk dreams. I can’t say they are nightmares because, well, if you are a recovering alcoholic these dreams are as close as you will ever come to a drink. Kind of like a freebie! Until I get to the part of the dream where I realize what I have done and what I will have to. Then I wake up sober with more gratitude than you can imagine.
Relapse is among my worst fears. Picking up a drink or drug means going down into my black hole. My alcoholism and depression are conjoined twins. When I dump some alcohol on my depression I might as well put everything I own on the bar. Game over.
Which brings me to Rep. Patrick Kennedy, son of Sen. Ted Kennedy. Patrick is dual-diagnosed. He has struggled for years with his mental illnesses. There is no anonymous in Patrick’s program. A couple of car accidents and controversial lineage has taken care of that. He has been in rehabs. He has relapsed. We know his story.
This time, he did what we are trained to do but often don’t. He listened and took suggestions. Those around him told him he was in relapse mode. So he checked himself into rehab last month BEFORE he picked up a drink or drug. If you are a “normie” – someone who is not an addict or alcoholic – you are probably saying “Duh!” But for us, this is a huge accomplishment. Huge.
A relapse does not always happen suddenly. While a relapse builds we lose our sense of hearing and sight. We do not hear what you are saying or see our own behavior. We need help. That is why recovery is a “We” program. We spot each other – tell each other when we notice relapse behavior: depression; mania; weight loss/gain; anger/rage/resentment; isolating; skipping meetings; and not taking phone calls.
I don’t know who spotted Kennedy’s relapse behavior. I do know that Kennedy has a good friend in retired Rep. Jim Ramstad - another recovering alcoholic. I met Kennedy and Ramstad earlier this year at a fundraiser at Donald Trump’s mansion Mar-a-Lago in Palm Beach. Both are very comfortable with each other and their programs. I would not be surprised if Ramstad recognized Kennedy’s relapse behavior and encouraged him to get help.
“If I didn’t have that early warning system from the people who were closest to me, it wouldn’t have been long before people in the press and wider world would have known that I was on the road to self-destruction,” Kennedy told the Associated Press upon returning to Congress last week. “Unfortunately, I would have probably had to learn about my problem in the news.”
I have spotters for my depression/bipolar and my alcoholism/eating disorder/exercise addiction. My boss knows me well and spots my depression long before I see it. My friends and therapist help me keep my other addictions in check. This support network has worked for me: Thanks to my spotters I have averted several major depressions. Next month I celebrate 11 years of sobriety.
Being clean, sober and stable is not just about taking our meds and not picking up a drink. It is about a having an open mind and the humility to listen and take suggestions. It looks like Kennedy, who has struggled with relapse for many years, has learned this lesson. Even better, he has the willingness and humility to show us how it works.
Thanks.
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PsychCentral (July 12, 2009)
I like this entry very much. It must be nice to have a support network that cares enough to take a step back and let you know when you’re going off the rails. Isolating behavior is one of my most treasured possessions when it comes to maintaining depression; I cultivate it, unfortunately. But I am still grateful when someone knocks down that wall!
I like this entry, too, and it was a sort of mini-epiphany, even though I should know this (and probably do, somewhere in the back of my duplicitous addict’s brain). Concrete tools–like the list of behaviors to watch for–are so helpful; I understand the reasons behind a lot of my problems, but knowing how to deal with them is something altogether different. I don’t really have much of a support network for the alcoholism recovery or the bipolar, but I think I’m going to email the list of relapse red flags to the friends I do have and ask them to please give me a nudge if they happen to notice me sliding into any (especially the isolation and refusing phone calls…) Thanks for the post.
Ah, using dreams. I don’t know why but most recovering addicts/alcoholics I know seem to have them. When I do they are not at all pleasant. They are not the “freebies” Ms. Stapleton refers to. They are dreams of seeking and not finding. They are experiences of total frustration. Rarely have I ever reached the point of actual ingestion — usually I awake before that point left with a feeling of frustration and guilt.
I do not know what it is in the brain that causes these “using dreams” but I would be happier without them. Fortunately, they are not frequent and I am learning to accept them as part of the residual effects of past behaviours.
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