2009 May | Depression On My Mind

Guilt, shame and depression

Sunday, May 31st, 2009

Today is the second straight day I woke up with this feeling - no, it's deeper than a feeling - that I had done something wrong. Back in the days before I was diagnosed with ...

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Progress, not perfection

Thursday, May 28th, 2009

It is 5:23 am. I have a been up for 1/2-an-hour. I have a hellish day in front of me. I have been given the inane task of creating an interactive database and posting it on ...

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The Tao of Marshall Mathers: Addiction, Depression and The Comeback

Sunday, May 24th, 2009

I have not been a fan of hip-hop/rapper Eminem (aka Marshall Mathers). There is something about artists who espouse misogyny, homophobia and racism that kinda grinds me. Especially when they do so in the ...

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A healthy addiction? Not for me

Wednesday, May 20th, 2009

Here is my problem with exercise: I am addicted. My "food issues" love exercise because I can eat more without gaining weight. My mania loves exercise because exercise is - well - manic. My alcoholism ...

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Depression: Act II

Monday, May 18th, 2009

There is something to be said for taking suggestions. The last thing I wanted to do on Saturday morning was go to the beach with my girlfriends. I wanted to stay in bed. But my ...

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Depression: Act 1

Friday, May 15th, 2009

It starts like this: the muscles in my face, just below my eyes and around my mouth, go completely slack. The top and back of my eyeballs ache and an exhausting dull pressure deposits itself ...

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Hating the illness, not the afflicted

Wednesday, May 13th, 2009

I hate alcoholism. Everything about alcoholism I loathe. It is evil. It is toxic. It kills, robs and cheats. It has devastated my life. I direct my anger and rage toward the illness and not the ...

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Alone or lonely?

Monday, May 11th, 2009

My therapist says I am "isolating." I tell her I am not. I just like to be alone. "No," she says. "You are isolating." "No," I say. "I just like to be alone." We go back ...

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Bipolar: The new Twinkie defense?

Friday, May 8th, 2009

It looks like a teacher caught sexting a 14-year-old student at a Christian high school might use the bi-polar defense. I read the story this morning. Geneva Henry, the 29-year-old mother of three kids ...

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If my mental illnesses could choose an occupation…

Thursday, May 7th, 2009

I am probably in the worst occupation for a middle-aged, bipolar woman with depression and alcoholism: reporter at a daily newspaper. I live with perpetual deadlines. I must be creative and productive under pressure. I ...

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