Someone recently asked me if, when I was sick, I worried about not being able to work again. Heck yea. That was one of my biggest fears. I could not focus. I could not concentrate. I could not read. I could not write. What if my depression killed my creativity? What if the ideas did not come?  

The newspapers piled up. I tried to watch television. An episode of Law & Order seemed impossibly complex. I was on disability with no end date. I was bored, scared and impatient. I had taken only six weeks off when my daughter was born – a mistake I will always regret. Six weeks into my depression my medication was just beginning to kick in. It was another four weeks before I went back to work. Ten weeks I was off. Almost twice as long as my maternity leave.

The reading and writing did come back. At first I could only make it through magazine articles. It took months before my memory and concentration allowed me to read a book and get back into my book club. But I could feel that something was very different. I had never experienced anything like it and it is very hard to describe.

My thoughts have stopped tailgating. I have a thought, think it through and then another. They are orderly thoughts. They respect each other’s pace. They do not race. They play well with each other. It was – and still is – an amazing experience. At this pace I can think through each idea, which tends to lead to an even better idea. Best of all, it keeps me out of trouble. Each thought has a consequence. Now I have time to weigh the consequences and to make healthy decisions. God bless my medications.

One of the first healthy decisions I made was to change my definition of myself. Why was I so afraid – terrified – of losing my job? Duh, because I have a mortgage, a car payment and a daughter to put through college. But it was much more than that. If I could not work I would lose my …

I recently went to a fundraiser luncheon at Mar-a-Lago, Donald Trump’s estate in Palm Beach. 

The topic was “Men and Depression.” When I arrived I found what I expected, a mansion that looks like Versailles on crack and dozens of well-coiffed, impeccably dressed middle-aged wealthy women and a panel top scientists and physicians.

Why, I wondered, is the topic “Men and Depression” when there are so few men here and so much interest and research on women and depression: post-partum depression; hormones and depression; pregnancy and depression; menopause and depression?

Dr. Steven Roose, a psychiatry professor at Columbia University and Director of the Neuropsychiatry Research Clinic at the New York State Psychiatric Institute, explained: “You are often the first person they will talk to about it and you are the one’s who help bring them into treatment.” 

 A survey sponsored by the American Academy of Family Physicians found that 78 percent of all married men who visited a doctor had been influenced to do so by their wives. Which means we women – whether we like it or not and whether we are married or not – need to know the symptoms of depression in men.

Some are like ours: Hopelessness; Fatigue; Inability to focus; Problems sleeping and eating; Feelings of guilt and hopelessness; Thoughts of suicide. Been there. Done them all. 

Symptoms of depression in men often include violent or abusive behavior; inappropriate rage; escapist behavior, such as overwork or excessive sports; risky behavior, such as reckless driving; promiscuity; alcohol or substance abuse; and more frequent thoughts of suicide.

But wait! There’s more! It is a really biggie: Erectile Dysfunction. (I have to tell you that you could have heard a feather drop under Trump’s chandeliers when Dr. Roose announced that his presentation would focus on E.D.). Turns out depression can cause E.D. and E.D. can trigger depression. The trick is knowing the difference and that is best left to a doctor, which is where we women come in.

Men need to know that for some, testosterone replacement alone can relieve and even eliminate symptoms of mild depression, Roose said. However, doctors often go overboard with testosterone replacement and over medicating with …