Some of the time the rejection we experience is overt and direct. At other times it is more covert and subtle. Our partner may smile and say “what a great idea!” but their body language or tone of voice may be indicating that they are rejecting us on the inside. Sometimes we were even accused of trying to “attack” our partner or being “too bossy” when we were not at all intending to do so.
If this has ever happened to you then you know how confusing and upsetting this can feel. After all, we were only trying to help!
This poses a romantic challenge. While feeling the rawness of rejection we may decide that we never want to risk getting hurt that way again. We do not want to get hurt by a defensive spouse and we may say to ourselves that there is no use trying. However, we did not sign up to be “married singles” either. “Isn’t a healthy romance about give and take?” we have asked.
Indeed it is. How then can we accept the responsibility to help each other in a kind and supportive way without feeling too afraid of the rejection that may follow?
With some insight into common pitfalls, we have compiled these three important tips that you should examine that may benefit you in becoming more effective and helpful in your relationship:
None of these are guarantees, but we have found these basic guidelines very helpful in our own romance. Many of our clients as well have been able to implements these with great success. Obviously, there are situations where relationship crises may have caused significant deterioration to the coupleship and partners may need the help of a therapist, clergy, or another third party to assist them through healing and rebuilding trust. In a public forum such as Psychcentral we cannot speak for everyone’s individual circumstance.
Please click HERE to share with our readers your own experiences using some of these tools – or perhaps you have other tips that have worked for you. You can also share your struggle or your questions so we can attempt to address your concerns in our future Psychcentral articles.
This article was written by John & Elaine Leadem, senior supervisors of the Leadem Counseling & Consulting offices in Toms River, NJ and East Brunswick, NJ. The content of this article is based on their book “One in the Spirit: Meditation Course for Recovering Couples.”
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Last reviewed: 14 May 2014