RelationshipsTo be an authentic person in our romantic relationships and to experience spiritual communication we must learn to be true to our partner. In order to be true to our partner however, we will need to first be true to ourselves. The opposite is also true. In order to be true to ourselves about who we really are we must learn to be completely open and honest with our partners.

Let us explore these two connected dynamics a bit more:

True to Self:

In order to be true to self, we need to work toward having only “one” self and not maintaining different identities. If who we are and how we behave depends on whom we are with and which hat we are attempting to wear, it will become increasingly more difficult to know and speak the truth about ourselves. It will become impossible for us to know the real us. Once we have become blind to who we really are how then are we to show and share ourselves with a partner? In our next article we will write more about this topic of having only one self and the importance of taking off the many masks we wear.

True to our Partner:

To be true to a partner, we must give up our excuses for not being open and honest. Some common excuses for dishonesty are “this will be too hurtful to my partner” and “our relationship is not ready for such honesty.” These are usually fear based excuses, and these arguments are really only meant to protect ourselves – not our partner. But in the long run we are not protecting even ourselves, because through withholding information from our partner and lying by omission we are once again hiding who we really are depending on the circumstance. We will continue blogging future articles about this topic of honesty in relationships as well.

Obviously building up towards this level of romance is going to take commitment and risk on our part. We encourage you to internalize what W. Clement Stone once said: “always aim for the Moon. Even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars.” When it comes to relationship building we completely agree with the concept. The level of self-honesty we need for experiencing authenticity and true connection with our partners will require that we aim toward perfection even though we understand that spiritual progress is all that is asked of us.

Please share with us HERE some of your own life’s lessons from your personal journey, or from what you have learned helping others. What have been the challenges that you have faced in your efforts to maintain only one version of yourself? What have been the challenges that you have faced in your efforts to maintain truth and transparency in your relationship? What have been the rewards?


This article was written by John & Elaine Leadem, senior supervisors of the Leadem Counseling & Consulting offices in Toms River, NJ and East Brunswick, NJ. The content of this article is based on their book “One in the Spirit: Meditation Course for Recovering Couples.”



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From Psych Central's website:
Who Are You Really? Shed Your Masks to Find Out | Couples in Recovery (January 24, 2014)

From Psych Central's website:
Two Common Excuses for Dishonesty in a Romance | Couples in Recovery (February 13, 2014)

    Last reviewed: 13 Feb 2014

APA Reference
Leadem, J. (2014). Two Important Tips for Improving Your Relationship. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 31, 2015, from


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Elaine Leadem, MSW, LCSW & John Leadem, MSW, LCSW are authors of many books, including One in Spirit & An Ounce of Prevention.
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