Coping

When IN Love, Emotional Safety is as an Important as Physical Safety

For a successful and loving relationship to endure the ups and downs life brings, there needs to be a foundation of safety as its cornerstone. We have found that without romantic safety, couples are unlikely to enjoy the depth of closeness and intimacy most partners crave. It is very difficult, or perhaps even impossible, for an individual who feels physically or emotionally threatened by his or her partner to risk trust and vulnerability.

Let's start with...
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Coping

Does Your Partner Want the Same Relationship that You Do?

The first question that partners in a relationship need to answer is whether or not they share a similar vision  for their relationship. This is true whether the partners are making their very first commitment to each other or whether they are looking for healing and reconciliation in an injured and hurt relationship.

Are you both “IN” – or perhaps one of you is “IN” while the other is really “OUT”?

We never assume that couples
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Coping

The 4 Essential Building Blocks to Being IN Love

Partners in a troubled romantic relationship will often report that while they love their partner… they are no longer “IN" love with him or her. We believe the only difference between the two statements is the word “IN.”

We have learned over the past 38 years that to be “IN” Love requires that we make a decision to become emotionally vulnerable with our partner. Below, we present in bullet form what we have found to be essential in the foundation of such...
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Addiction Recovery

Share Your Experience, Strength & Hope With Your Partner

In 12 step recovery circles there is an accepted protocol to how members support each other - especially when they are trying to help a newcomer to the program.

Members of the recovery community do not tell others in their group what is best for each other, they do not preach, and they do not pretend to know for certain what is best for one another. It is common to...
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Couples

Are You Authentic?

Some of us think that being authentic means we should say whatever is on our mind without regard for how our words may be taken.

“I am sick and tired of tiptoeing around everyone,” we say, “for now on, I am going to be real. If you don’t like it, lump it!”

This kind of authenticity however, is usually only the angry flip side of the fear that drives us to “tiptoe” around in the first place. We are so afraid to rock any boats, so we stay cooped up inside ourselves. Then, when our internal pressure cooker bursts, we lash out without any regard for who we may be hurting – we may even want to hurt those people after all the internal prison time we just endured “tiptoeing around” them.
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Addiction Recovery

Only 8% of People Keep Their New Year’s Resolution

Think about the various commitments you and many others have made over the years. We did, and came up with this very brief list of common resolutions we typically hear before the new year:
I’ll lose weight.

I’ll stop smoking.

I’ll spend more time with my partner, or with my children.

I will save money.

I will be less stressed out. 
Then, somewhere around the second week of January, those promises go the way of all the other promises. Some of us may not fall off the wagon until a few months later, but by year's end most of us will not have made it through as we had indented. We start snacking, smoking, or spending more time at the office. We swipe the credit card impunitively. And most of us have found out the hard way that we cannot simply wish our stress away...
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Coping

The Holidays Do Not Need to Feel Like An Endurance Contest

The holidays can be particularly difficult for people to cope with. Some will want an escape from the memories of past holidays. Others will be looking for activities that will provide them with the opportunities to create new memories. Holidays also generate obligations, which can appear to occur in a continuous stream with no breaks.

Whatever your experience, many people encounter a great deal of stress during the holidays. Many have even come to expect the agitation and the disagreements. When thinking about changing this yearly pattern of stress, so many of us have said, “Why bother? The holidays are to be endured, not enjoyed.”
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Coping

How You Can Nourish a Healthy Romance

We have all known times when our romantic life seems to just “click” on all cylinders. Oh how wonderful it can be! At other times however, it feels as if we are running a romantic fever and cannot seem to get it right.
When relationships are experiencing poor romantic health, partners are not likely to view each other as valuable. Our tendency during times of “soul sickness” is to see the flaws in our partner’s character. Those flaws can seem glaring! Our partner’s behavior will become increasingly less tolerable and our attention will be drawn to the ways in which it seems that our partner detracts from the quality of our life.
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Coping

Thanksgiving is Much More than Saying “Thank You”

Someone once said "it is really hard to have a good day with a bad attitude." It is just as difficult to have a bad day with a good attitude.

The same is true of the satisfaction we feel in our romantic life. It is very difficult to maintain a heathy romance with a bad attitude, and it will be just as difficult to have a bad romance with a positive attitude.

There are two easy steps you can take to develop a more positive attitude in your romance. These steps will help you to become a more grateful partner in your relationship.
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Addiction Recovery

Exploring Your Past is a Prerequisite for True Mindfulness

Mindfulness. It means living in the moment. By now, most of us are well aware of the great emotional and spiritual promises of living mindfully. It is believed to lower high blood pressure, heal trauma, and enhance our problem-solving abilities. Studies show that mindful people may be happier1.

Many traditional philosophies however, stress the importance of purposefully going back in time and exploring our past experiences. We revisit where we have been and how we have become the people we are. Those of us who are members of 12 Step recovery groups are asked to complete a comprehensive 4th Step inventory on all the hurtful memories we may have endured.

Some people think that these two philosophies are opposites. We are either focused on the past, they insist, or the present, but we cannot to both. We disagree. We believe that going back and exploring our past is a prerequisite for true mindfulness.
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