Making Friends Articles

Sexuality on a Spectrum

Tuesday, May 8th, 2012

A lot of college students spill about questions pertaining to their sexuality. Oftentimes, a student who has always considered him or herself to be ‘straight’ suddenly has feelings for someone of the same sex.

Many of you write in because you’re feeling very confused as to whether the feelings you have for someone of the same sex are true feelings and are sexual in nature, or whether they are just some passing urge that will dissipate with time. The added stress comes when you’re in a monogamous relationship with someone. Not only are you questioning your identity as you’ve known it, but you’re also having thoughts about experimenting with someone else when you’re in a monogamous or committed relationship…

While I can’t speak to whether or not your partner would be okay with you connecting with someone else intimately on some level, I can say that it’s completely normal for some people who are ‘straight’ to also at some point become ‘bisexual’ or some other form of sexual orientation that they did not previously identify with.

What I learned in graduate school, and what I’ve also heard from various friends and acquaintances throughout my life, is that sexuality is on a spectrum, and people can lean one way or another or anywhere in the middle at any point in their lives.


Why Staying In Can Be Best Decision You Made All Week

Wednesday, April 25th, 2012

Last night I had plans to visit with three of my nearest and dearest friends. I’ve been looking forward to it since last week when we made plans. You see, once a month, we get together for some wine, cheese, appetizers and a whole lot of laughter, stories, and catching up. I’ve come to truly cherish this time together; being ourselves and enjoying the moments.

I was looking forward to it this week especially since we haven’t been able to get together as often as we used to. One of the gals had a baby a few weeks ago, and aside from us popping in unexpectedly to meet the new member of the family, we haven’t seen her as much.

People’s lives are often super scheduled on the weekends, and during the weekdays, we are often tired. It’s all we can do to fit in a yoga class and eat a healthy meal before crashing into bed after working late the night before. Sometimes it can feel daunting to then go out and visit with friends (even your closest ones!).


Risking a Relationship

Tuesday, April 10th, 2012

You know the feeling:  you lay in bed, wide awake, tossing and turning, and wishing you could sleep.  Instead, your mind drifts to the one.

You know the one: that person you cannot shake from your mind, no matter how hard you try. Nothing steals a good night’s sleep from you like falling in love.

One of the top five issues that get the most Spill ink is romantic relationships. It’s also one of the conversations that come up quite frequently amongst my girlfriends when we’re gathered together.

And it has been since before college.


You Are Not Alone in Your Loneliness

Thursday, April 5th, 2012

“Man Cannot Discover New Oceans Unless He Has the Courage To Lose Sight of the Shore.” – Andre Gide

Loneliness can be a crippling cycle: students feel alone and isolated so they withdraw from their social lives, making them feel more alone and isolated. As of last February, loneliness accounted for nearly 5% of all spills…Loneliness can feel very isolating.

Most anyone can and does experience loneliness, and we have found that it is often accompanied by difficulty making friends, homesickness, feeling alone around others, or having too few meaningful acquaintances.  It is no wonder then that many first years in particular feel a sense of loneliness.

During my first few weeks of college, I remember calling my parents to tell them that I would never possibly make the quality or extent of friendships that I’d had back at home. I was crying and very upset (they often remind me of this in a teasing manner to remind me of how quickly things that seem negative can turn around and become a positive experience. For the record, I did make many meaningful friendships in college, and I still keep in touch with many of those people today.)


 

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