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Childhood Adversity

How to NOT Emotionally Neglect Your Child

As we all swim together through the murky Sea of Parenting, I offer you some clear answers: three goals to keep in your mind at all times, and exactly how to achieve them.
If you've made many parenting mistakes, rest assured: You Are Not Alone.

Let's face it, parenting is hard. For most of us, doing it right means facing our own demons. Because no one is exposed to our flaws, blind spots, or unresolved issues as much as the children who depend on us.

Unfortunately, all of those unresolved problems transfer automatically from ourselves to our children, unless we make a conscious effort to stop them. This is made more or less difficult for us parents by our own childhoods.
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Childhood Adversity

Were You Born Under the Gaslight?

Of the endless number of psychological factors that can plague a person throughout his life, I think there’s none more powerful than The Gaslight.
The term “gaslight treatment” was coined by a classic 1944 movie starring Ingrid Bergman. In it, Bergman’s character is gradually made to think that she’s going mad. Her new husband moves household items, makes the sound of footsteps in the attic (which he claims not to hear), and alters the brightness of the gaslights on the first floor, all to make his wife believe that she is losing touch with reality.
When applied to a family, the gaslight treatment is a special form of dysfunction. It happens when you, a child, receive messages or encounter experiences within the family which are deeply contradictory. Messages which are opposing and conflicting; experiences which can’t both be true. When you can’t make sense of something, it’s natural to apply the only possible answer:
Something is wrong with me.”
Today, scores of children are growing up under a gaslight of their own. And scores of adults are living their lives baffled by what went on in their families, having grown up thinking that they, not their families, are crazy.
I have seen gaslighting cause personality disorders, depression, anxiety, and a host of other lifelong struggles. Receiving contradictory messages that don’t make sense can shake the very ground that a child walks on.
The Four Types of Child Gaslighting:
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