Disclaimer: This post was based on the movie, but read the books. Seriously. Also note that spoilers follow, so if you haven’t yet read or watched Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince and you plan to, you might want to skip over this.

Lesson #2: Recognize the difference between healthy and not-so-healthy relationships.

From Lavender Brown’s hilarious obsession with Ron Weasley to Romilda Vane’s desperate – and hysterically unsuccessful – love potion for Harry Potter, unhealthy relationships are sprinkled throughout Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.

Of course, the phrase “unhealthy relationship” stems beyond just describing romantic relationships. It can describe family relationships (think Dursleys and Malfoys), friendships and social relationships (pretty much anyone who hangs around Draco), and business relationships (I suppose we could really stretch that phrase to describe Voldemort and the Death Eaters).

Because every person is different, and every couple’s relationship dynamic is different, it’d be impossible to sit down and list every single sign of an abusive relationship. I’ve seen couples that’ve been quite happy together but have made me want to run away screaming.

To each his own, right?

However, there are a few universal signs that point to an unhealthy relationship, no matter who you are.

A relationship is definitely unhealthy if:

• Abuse is involved. Maybe one of you is abusing the other, or you’re both abusing each other. Either way, if anyone’s getting abused – mentally, physically, sexually, or emotionally – get out. Abuse can be anything from physically striking a person to ridiculing a person to isolating a person to forcing a person to do anything he or she doesn’t want to do. If you’re afraid you’re in an abusive relationship but don’t know who to talk to or where to find resources, check out Psych Central’s list of abuse support groups.
• The feeling isn’t mutual. If it’s clear one person in a relationship doesn’t feel about the other person the way that person feels about him or her, then it’s not really a relationship, is it? It’s just one person being in love with someone who isn’t in love back. If slipping the object of your affection a love potion has ever sounded like a good idea, get out. You’re in an unhealthy relationship.
• One of you is obsessed with the other. Or, you’re both obsessed with each other – and, I don’t mean that lovey dovey feeling you have at the beginning of a relationship when really all you can think about is the other person. You might feel flattered or powerful to know someone’s obsessed with you, but in the end obsession usually proves disastrous. Someone’s going to get hurt in some way and that’s unhealthy.
• One of you controls and manipulates the other. Every person is an individual and should make his or her own decisions. If you’re in a relationship with someone who doesn’t allow you to make your own decisions – such as what to wear, who to hang out with, or wear to work – or who manipulates you into doing what he or she wants, you’re in an unhealthy relationship.
• There’s no trust. It doesn’t matter how well the two of you work together otherwise – if you don’t trust the person, the relationship is unhealthy. Chances are, you’ll spend all your time wondering what the other person’s motives are, what he or she is doing when you’re not around, and whether or not he or she really has your best interests in mind. That’s exhausting and unhealthy.

Stay tuned for tomorrow’s life lesson from Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. In the meantime, be sure to catch up on yesterday’s lesson about laughter!

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• ‘Half-Blood Prince’ Life Lesson #6: Friendship Is Crucial
• ‘Half-Blood Prince’ Life Lesson #7: Keep Going
• ‘Half-Blood Prince’ Life Lesson #4: Don’t Judge A Book By Its Cover
• ‘Half-Blood Prince’ Life Lesson #5: Beware Of Face Value
• ‘Harry Potter’ Star Daniel Radcliffe Is Coulrophobic

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