This story makes me ill everytime I read about it or see it on TV. I’m not saying I “hate” Nadya Suleman - as the other writer mentioned, we don’t know her. However, what she’s done is not only fiscally irresponsible, but parentally irresponsible as well. A parent’s duty to their child is to ensure that they have a safe, stable, supportive, loving home, where they can grow and prosper. I don’t care how much money she has or doesn’t have (I’ll save the economic ramblings for others), the sheer volume of children she’s had in such a short span makes it impossible for her to give her children what they emotionally need from their mother.

I was watching an interview where she said she’s “trying” to hold each of the newborns for 45 minutes a day. 45 minutes times 8 babies - that’s 6 hours alone! For those readers out there who haven’t had a child, trust me - holding your baby for 45 minutes a day is absurdly minimal. The sensory deprivation for these babies makes my heart ache. Now factor in her other 6 children who need care and attention from their mother as well… Suleman is spreading herself so thin, not only is she going to suffer, but her children surely are going to suffer as well- and they’re the real victims in this story.

As I said, the entire thing makes me sick.

I haven’t seen that interview, but wow - 45 minutes a day?

Financial issues and the lack of time to really nurture each child aside, let’s think about this woman’s mindset for a moment. I don’t have children, mainly because the idea of having another human being to take care of - at this point in my life - is terrifying. No matter how many people would be around to help. The thought of having six, and then another eight, is crippling. I realize everyone matures at different rates - and there are lots of people younger than I who have multiple children and live fantastic lives, but I know that I am not ready or cut out for it just yet. There are still things I want to do - selfish things - that having children wouldn’t allow me to do right now. So, I have to wonder, aren’t there things Nadya wanted to do - goals she wanted to accomplish and personal growth she wanted to experience - that aren’t related to children? She’s only 33 - is she going to “wake up” in a couple of years and realize there’s something she really wants to do in life that having FOURTEEN children, no help from the biological father(s) and a mother (hers) who is at her wits end won’t allow? I mean, that is scary stuff.

THANK YOU Alicia for posting this! This is the first thing I’ve read that coincides with my opinions about this! Thank you for not talking about it constantly on your blog, but instead making this single respectful post, linking to that AMAZING strollerderby piece! Thank you. Thank you. Thank you!

What drivel! Who can hate or support this women - but I think Lieberman riases valid points in her 24 article complaint to CPS in Whittier California.

Nadya Suleman will have her children taken from her and reassigned to loving, sane, families.

Then, with nothing to show for herself, but welfare, plastic surgeory, and $150 Million in bills, and with no Reality Show or book deals, we will have no reason at all to hate her.

The thing is there are so many forces that had to come into play for her to have all these children. I think it’s unfair for all the hate to be directed just at her.

Nadya Suleman is typical of our system. If you have a bunch of kids and don’t have a way to support them or any husband in the picture, you get rewarded with government handouts; whereas, a girl that stays in school and keeps her legs closed gets squat for doing the right thing.

@ Katharine - You’re very welcome

@ James - We don’t have any reason to hate her now.

@ Magali - You’re quite right; it is pretty typical of our broken system and there are many forces that worked together to allow this to happen (and I’m using the word “allow” loosely, because I don’t think anyone has the right to “allow” another human being to have children). We have to take a serious look at the fertility doctors who agreed to help this woman become pregnant again using a method that often creates multiples, even though she already had six children. Was it all about the money for them? And, on that note, who footed the bill for this? Nadya, or her insurance company? And if it was the latter, what does that say about the insurance company? I mean, many insurance companies will fight policyholders tooth and nail over life-threatening medical issues - where’s the one that will cover the costs of fertility issues for a woman who already had six children?

Having 14 children – eight of them newborns, makes the mother very, very unwise. I don’t like what she did; I wish she hadn’t done it; and yes, I worry about the children. But it does not, in and of itself, make her unfit.

And compared with the likely alternatives – foster care or adoption in two or more different homes, plus separation from a mother who, whatever one thinks of her, apparently does love her children, helping the mother raise these children is the least detrimental alternative for those children.

0A
Once again, we’re in a situation where there is an enormous temptation to take a swing at an alleged “bad mother” and, once again, no way to do that without the blow landing on the children.

It is highly unlikely that one person would adopt all 14 children – so if you took them away they would be separated not only from a mother who, by all evidence, loves them, but also from each other.

And if one person did adopt them all, without help, that person or persons would have the same problems raising them as the birth mother.

Indeed, those complaining about the taxpayer cost of raising these children need to understand that the taxpayers pay no matter what the option – since almost all adoptions are now subsidized. Indeed, adoption subsidies and foster care payments to strangers are more than birth parents ever get to raise their own children.

So the options are: Children are raised by adoptive parents and we all help pay or children are raised by birth mother and we all help pay. Children do not oblige us by hating their mothers the way we may think they should. Even children born with cocaine in their systems to better left with birth mothers able to care for them than they do in foster care. So for the children’s sake, helping mom is the best way to help the children.

Nor does there need to be any fear of some kind of bizarre precedent being set. Women are not going to rush to fertility clinics to try to have octuplets if these eight, and the other six, are not taken from their mother, even if the mother gets some kind of public assistance.

There are, by the way, nine million Californians under the age of 18. If the state goes bankrupt it won’t be because there now are eight more.

So what SHOULD be done?

–Yes, give the mother the help she needs; day care, homemaker help, respite, whatever. Because there is no way she can do it herself. Neither could she and her own mother, and as I understand it, the grandmother isn’t happy with any of this herself.

Aghain, the reason to do this is not for the sake of the mother, but because of all the options for her children, this is the least bad.

Want to stop this from happening again? Regulate fertility clinics. The person who clearly is unfit in all this is the, presumably, well off medical “professional” who performed the procedure allowing this to happen.

As for what this whole case tells us about child welfare and larger issues: Absolutely nothing. It is one
bizarre aberration that has nothing to do with the real, tough questions we need to be grappling with in child welfare today. It’s a sideshow, nothing more.

I’m angry at this mom too. But we all need to put that aside for the sake of the children.

More generally, on the list of people who have done harm to children, the mother in this case ranks very very low. Why isn’t even a fraction of the rage directed at this mother directed at the people whose greed collapsed the American economy, plunging thousands more children into destitution. Or, if the charges are true, surely any harm to children done by this mother pales compared to the behavior of, say the CEO of Peanut Corporation of America.

Morally, are any of them any more fit to raise a child than the mother in this case?

Well,see, Nadya expects us to enable her through all this by taking care of her and the children’s wants and needs while she attends college to get her masters. Haven’t noticed she has a BA or BS.
Nadya talks a lot about what she will do but so far we see the Grandma is doing all the work and all Nadya has done is to get herself implanted 7 times over. With that bad back of hers she won’t be helping out much, now will she, since she hasn’t been able to work for almost 8 years now.
Nah, Nadya figured she hit the jackpot, pop out a few more, get a reality show, we would all ante up and support her and her mom and dad got on board once they had glimpses of the gravy train.
Anyone take note of the two brand new large cars in the driveway of their forclosed home? Wonder if the taxpayers footed the bill for them.

It is not just that she does not have the time or money to care for these probably defective people she has forced into life, it is why she did it.

Children are not medicine. Using a child as medicine for your mental problems is a horrible narcissistic thing to do. You do not do that if you love them.

A parent who loves their children will sacrifice to take care of them. They do not sacrifice their children to take care of themselves.

I see little difference between her and Angelina. They are both ill and using people as treatment.

As someone whose mother did this with my own birth, it is a horrible thing. The children with learn over time that she does not love them. She may think she does, but her behaviour says otherwise.

All the children should be removed, she should be institutionalised, and be given a hysterectomy.

Mothers who love their children will recoil from this becuase they do not want to think mothers can be like this.

Watch a Law and Order, or a news report, a woman or child gets hurt and the father is immediately suspected. No one is uncomfortable with this idea, any man who argues is told that is how men are.

It is time we realise that a lot of women are just as bad, and there is no magical mothers love that comes with the use of their plumbing.

I was lucky my father was very nurturing. His love saved my life and my sanity.

Remember look to the lives of serial killers, the one common thread in their lives are mothers like these. And no father to make up for it.

Like I said I was lucky.

Oh and this is not a side show or an aberration, it may be an exaggeration of a common problem, but it is far more common than we are comfortable with. Especially for women who are not used to being thought of as the bad guys. Cause all abuse at home, is caused by men right? And no woman abuses their reproductive system and their children for their own selfish gains.

Right?

I’m not bashing or hating Nadya Suleman. I can’t imagine taking care of 14 kids. Especially if some of them need special attention because of disabilities. I have mental illness. I have had depression since I was 20. I haven’t had any kids, even though I am happily married to a wonderful guy who cares so much. We both would like to have a kid, but I’m terrified of having kids because I’m not sure if I can handle it. My husband thinks we can manage, but I’m not so sure of that. I’m 37 now and wish I was younger and more confident in myself when it comes to parenting. I have a dog and 3 cats and I try my best to take good care of them. They’re all quite healthy because of my tender loving care. There’s so much responsibility in parenting and I’m afraid of failing at parenting. I wish I wasn’t so afraid to have a kid.
If Nadya has mental health issues, then she is very brave to do this. Or maybe overzealous. I worry about her kids and I hope the system keeps an eye over them. But that’s out of my control and I have my life to live. I can only pray for the kids.

@ Donia - Thanks so much for chiming in with your story. Whatever’s going on with Nadya, I also hope she finds the resources to help, as well as help with caring for her children.

Don’t think of your age as something that means your confidence has dwindled (if it makes you feel better, I’m 27 and pretty much have something like 0.00097% confidence that I could take care of a child right now, lol). The way I see it is, the older we get, the more we know about ourselves. We’ve had more experiences, we’re able to make more sense of the world, and all this works together to better help us help others (like our children). Of course, all this getting to know ourselves and all these experiences and all this knowledge sometimes makes us realize we aren’t suited for parenthood, or, even if we are, that we aren’t necessarily ready for it or want it. For me, I haven’t decided which yet, ha.

And, you’re very blessed to have such a supportive husband - go give him a hug