With all the talk about bullying in the media (most recently spawned by the film ‘Bully’) do we really know what it is?

Violence Prevention Works defines bullying as aggressive behavior that is intentional and that involves an imbalance of power. Most often repeated over time. Bullying can manifest in physical violence (the most obvious acts of bullying), verbal attacks, and non-verbal behavior (i.e. exclusion from activities, being the last student chosen for a sports team at recess) which I consider acts of relational aggression.

All types of bullying are detrimental to a developing child’s sense of self-worth. We know that children who are victims of bullying are:

• More likely to do poorly in school.
• More likely to have or develop mental health conditions such as depression and anxiety.
• More likely to develop substance abuse issues.
• More likely to bully themselves.

A subcategory of bullying that I often discuss with students, faculty and parents is the aforementioned relational aggression. Relational aggression is conceptualized as behaviors that harm others by damaging, threatening to damage, manipulating one’s relationships with his/her peers, or by injuring one’s feelings of social acceptance. For purposes of this blog post, when I refer to bullying, I am discussing both bullying and relational aggression.

The buzz about bullying continues!

I’d like to share that Nicholas Kristof, op-ed columnist for the New York Times, is sponsoring a teen essay contest about bullying and how teens think we should address it.

See the details here.

Like many who have seen the film, I agree that the initial R rating of the film, ‘Bully’ was counterproductive. Tara Parker-Pope writes why the film is a family film here.

I encourage parents to bring children as young as 13. The language can be extremely upsetting but children are witness to this every day. Parents be at the ready! Seeing this film should lead to a discussion about how your child connects to the film and coming up with a “game plan,’ if they are witness to bullying or are victims of it. Often times children who are bullied or bystanders are resistant on disclosing the behavior for two reasons:

• That the bully will target them more or target them instead (if they are a bystander).
• The adults won’t take their concerns seriously.

Watching the film is a teachable moment for you and your child. As parents, you can help your child develop a sense of integrity that no one should be treated poorly and feel unsafe. Additionally, you are letting your child know that you do take this matter seriously and they should not be afraid to tell you should this happen. The shame felt by victims and bystanders all too often helps perpetuate the bullying cycle.

When I heard on NPR that the film, ‘Bully’ was going to be released in New York and Los Angles without a rating this weekend due to the language in it (which I will address in another post) I got to the theater as soon as I could. ‘Bully’ directed by Lee Hirsch, produced by Lee Hirsch and Cynthia Lowen follows several teenagers and their families who have suffered due to bullying.

I initially wanted to write yet another review of the film but my emotional response that was shared by everyone in the audience seems more salient. Why?