Archives for Perspective


Break Your Resolutions

You heard me.

Break those resolutions.

They're not doing you any good.


Resolutions inevitably set you up for failure.

Think about it: Resolutions are usually created around something you have difficulty with, anyway, like exercising more or eating less. When you create a resolution, you take something that is already hard for you to do and pile on more expectations and more weight (so to speak) on the outcome.

Now what happens if you're not able to keep your...
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How to Make Your Holidays Not Suck

It’s that time of year again.

The Holidays.

For many people, the end of the year festivities are a time of joy and warmth, a time for nostalgia, and a time to celebrate with the loved ones in our lives.

But what time is it for others?

Those troubled by ugly memories of holidays past rather than ones filled with light and love.

Those who with the dreaded family get-togethers that you really can’t get out of...
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3 Ways to Tame Monstrous Problems

Take a look at this striking photo of a monster.

We see gigantic, multi-faceted eyes, leathery skin, and hairy, feeler-y things sticking out in the front.

Who knows what those feeler-y things might be hiding? Probably some hideous mouth with powerful, trap-like jaws.

It makes me shudder just looking at it.

Do you know what this scary monster is?

It’s a gnat.

One of those tiny little insects that we swat at impatiently as they flit around our...
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3 Quotes for the Broken Hearted – Bouncing Back from Heartbreak

Broken hearts. We've all had them, or will at some time. I hope these quotes for the broken-hearted will help you bounce back from heartbreak in the most healing way possible.

"Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you like hell." ~ Edna St. Vincent Millay

Remember that bouncing back from heartache is very much like bouncing back from other pain in our lives – you have to accept the loss in your life.

But remember this too: accepting something does not mean you have to like it.

One of the things I like about this quote for the broken-hearted from Edna St. Vincent Millay is that she has accepted the pain that accompanies heart break: I miss you like hell.

She is not using flowery, romantic language about the loss. She accepts it, but calls it like it is – a hole that she falls into every night, a hellish pain.
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4 Ways to Shrink the Power of Negative Emotions

“I get up to that start line and my heart is pounding so hard I think I’m going to have a heart attack,” Andrea tells me. “I can barely remember the course or what I’m supposed to do out there.”

Andrea, my partner, loves to do agility sports with her dog, Georgia. But she experiences competition anxiety like many people do. It tends to interfere with her ability to run the course smoothly and make split-second decisions on how to guide Georgia most efficiently to the finish line.

Similarly, some of my clients tell me that they don’t know how to handle their intense emotions of frustration, sadness, anger, or a whole host of other feelings.

Should you try to get rid of a negative emotion?

Both Andrea and my clients spend a lot of time and energy developing ways to make the feelings go away. Andrea tries taking deep breaths. A client might try avoiding thinking about the frustrating situation she is experiencing.

These are not bad ideas and they certainly are not going to hurt anything. (I, of course, am especially fond of the deep breathing idea!)

However, the root of the problem lies in trying to get rid of the emotion altogether.

My advice?

Don’t buy into the emotion.
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4 Ways to “Friend” Failure

A top girls’ school in London is currently engaging in an interesting experiment: Failure Week.

This entire week will be about failure and about “the value of having a go rather than playing it safe and perhaps achieving less.”

I love this. Here’s why: We need to become friends with failure in order to be able to bounce back in life.

Even though there is lip service paid to “it’s okay to fail,” the reality is that there is subtle and not-so-subtle pressure to do exactly the opposite – to be perfect.
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Healing Magic

The next message is always right where you are. ~ Ram Dass

I was sitting on the patio at Starbuck’s the other day passing time before I met a friend for lunch. I had a book with me and was trying to read it but, to tell the truth, my mood was down and I felt distracted from reading by my inner melancholy.

Having lived with depression for a long time, my mind resorted to its gamut of self-recriminations: “You shouldn’t be feeling this way.” “Everything is fine, just stop it.” “You get gloomy too often for no good reason.”

Finally, I caught myself, took a breath to let go of the negative thoughts, and went back to my book and mocha. A flash of pink caught my eye as the patio door opened in front of my table.
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Giving Up vs. Giving In: Is There A Difference?

Let’s expand a little bit on the idea of acceptance that I wrote about in a recent post. In that article, I talked about how important it is to accept the reality of the adversity you may be facing.

Now let’s talk about the aspect of acceptance that has to do with letting go. Many times when I talk about letting go, I can see people’s eyes start to roll back in their heads.

“Oh great, I’ve fought and fought to keep my house from going into foreclosure, and now she wants me to give up?”

Herein lies the common misunderstanding: letting go is not so much about giving up as it is about giving in. It’s not about just standing by, doing nothing, as your house goes into foreclosure. But it is about giving in to the reality of your current situation and letting go of judgments and expectations you might have about the outcome.

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3 Steps to A New Perspective

Your boss calls you into his office. Smiling, you take a seat. You’re sure that long-awaited promotion is finally here and your heart races with excitement.

Instead, your boss sighs, shakes his head, and says, “I have to tell you something.”

Suddenly, your excitement turns to dread.

“I’m sorry,” he says slowly, “but we’re going to have to lay you off.”

How do you get through this kind of shock and loss?

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