Psych Central


Dear Griever,

You made it through Christmas.

I bet you didn’t think you would, did you?

I know it was hard.

I know that every colored light, every piece of tinsel, every canned Christmas carol piped through department store speakers, and every well-meaning person wishing you a merry Christmas made you want to scream, “It doesn’t matter! Don’t you see that none of this matters? How can it without my loved one here?”

I know how much it hurt you to smile while family and friends opened gifts and all you could think of is the last present you gave your loved one.

I know how incomplete you felt, how foreign the holiday seemed, how you wanted to stay under the covers until it was all over.

I know all of this.

And I also know that you made it through.

And I know that you will make it through the New Year’s celebrations with the same heartache but perhaps with a different twist. With memories of glasses raised together or watching the ball drop in Times Square together or letting a child stay up past bedtime to ring in the New Year.

And you will make it through that holiday, too.

Do what you must: Cry, laugh, avoid parties, go to too many parties, light a candle for your loved one, write a song for your loved one, don’t think about your loved one, perform a quiet ritual for your loved one, distract yourself, scream at God, meditate, play a game, sleep.

It hurts.

There’s no getting around the pain.

But look, my friend, you are making it.

You thought you wouldn’t, but you are.

This is how grief is.

You get through one day at a time. One moment at a time.

The holidays will be your most severe test and you are half way there.

Those of us in this unenviable group called the Grief Club know what it’s like. That’s why we can tell you that you’re doing great.

It doesn’t feel like it, but you are.

And we’re with you.

And proud of you.

With much love and respect,

One Who Knows Grief Too Well

 

If you found this helpful, you may also be interested in On Pain, tolerance, and why there are no bullet points.

Download my free e-book Bounce Back! 5 keys to survive and thrive through life’s ups and downs.

 

 


Comments


View Comments / Leave a Comment

This post currently has 0 comments.
You can read the comments or leave your own thoughts.

Trackbacks






    Last reviewed: 27 Dec 2012

APA Reference
Emel, B. (2012). The First Holidays After Your Loved One Has Died – An Open Letter to Grievers. Psych Central. Retrieved on April 20, 2014, from http://blogs.psychcentral.com/bounce-back/2012/12/the-first-holidays-after-your-loved-one-has-died-an-open-letter-to-grievers/

 

 

Subscribe to this Blog: Feed

Recent Comments
  • Bobbi Emel, MFT: Thanks, Sanjay. I thought it was a pretty good find, too!
  • SANJAY TRIPATHI: Dear Bobbi,good one. Will act as reminder of things we miss out in our daily humdrum life. Keep it...
  • Bella DePaulo: It is a widespread belief that getting married will make you happier, but it is a myth. I have been...
  • Bobbi Emel, MFT: Wow, I can see that you’re happy! And I bet your kids do make you smile more ;-)
  • I'mhappy!: I’m married to a “clergyman”, run 40 minutes outside 4 times a week, don t drink and am...
Subscribe to Our Weekly Newsletter

Find a Therapist
Enter ZIP or postal code



Users Online: 12240
Join Us Now!