Addiction

End That Addictive Relationship, Once and For All

Here's a quick checklist to know if you're addicted to a toxic relationship:

You have more bad moments than good but you can't let go because you're always chasing another fix of the good.
The relationship depletes rather than energizes you.  It takes away from other areas in your life.
You lose resources (emotional, financial, interpersonal) but no matter how great the cost, you continue with the relationship.  You can't seem to make rational calculations.
When you try to leave, you can't seem to follow through; you go through withdrawals.  You cave, and you relapse.
You pretend every time you make up, it will be different.  You consistently ignore the fact that the past is the greatest predictor of the future.  You will be back there, in pain, again.   But you have selective memory (i.e. denial.)
You're lying to your friends and family about the way you're being treated; you're minimizing the pain so they won't turn against your partner, or urge you to do what you already know you should do, which is end the relationship.
OR you've alienated good people in your life who don't want to stand by idly and watch you suffer anymore.

Now here's how you can start extricating yourself, once and for all.
Continue Reading

General

Why it’s Better to “Like” than be “Liked”

In my recent novel, "Don't Try to Find Me", social media plays a significant role.  And for many of us, it's hard to go a day without being on some form of social media.

The act of posting and hearing back from others can be a form of connection and validation.  But recent studies suggest that from a mental health perspective, the act of liking others will give us more of a boost than waiting for others to like us.

How does this apply to our daily lives?
Continue Reading

General

Aging Well

I was going to use the phrase "aging gracefully" but honestly, I've never done anything gracefully in my life.  I'm more of a lurcher.  And I'm okay with that.

That's the key point of this blog, and--I believe--the key to aging well: being okay with who and where you are (or if you're not, figuring out what to do about it, using the wisdom you've gained from your years on this planet.)

Where to start?
Continue Reading

Attachment

How to Stay Calm When Your Toddler’s Melting Down

I've got some pretty recent experience with this one, as my almost three-year-old has been alternating between intensely delightful and intensely--well, intense.

This can apply to your toddler's tantrums (which tend to be brief) or meltdowns (which are protracted bouts of screaming and oppositional behavior that can go on for minutes to--worst case scenarios--more than an hour.)  What's key is focusing not on what they're doing, but on what you should be doing yourself.

Challenging, I know, but here  are some ideas to get you on a better path.
Continue Reading