“I know I shouldn’t attack him,” my client–let’s call her Amanda–sobs.  “Sometimes I just feel so scared that I’m going to lose him, and so alone.  I try to grab onto him but it pushes him away.  It’s because I love him so much.”

I nod encouragingly, trying to keep the tears from my own eyes.  In the world of emotionally focused therapy (EFT), we’ve hit pay dirt.  This is it, what we’ve been working toward for several months.

It’s called a bonding event.  After one partner lets go of the angry defenses and expresses his or her deepest needs in a vulnerable way and the other partner is receptive and emotionally available, the relationship begins its transformation from insecure to secure.

Except this particular bonding event is not going according to plan.

No Comments to
The Good Cholesterol Theory of Marriage

Before posting, please read our blog moderation guidelines. The comments below begin with the oldest comments first. Click on the last comments page to jump to the most recent comments.

Join the Conversation!

Before posting, please read our blog moderation guidelines.

Post a Comment:

(Required, will be published)

(Required, but will not be published)



Subscribe to this Blog: Feed

Recent Comments
  • Holly Brown, LMFT: Yes, having kids with a narcissist is pretty rough because it means that you have to maintain...
  • Fred: IMHO…You VERY likely did the right thing. If you haven’t done so already, consider seeing a...
  • HAH: I wish I knew all of this 15 years ago, when I met my husband. He’s a complete narcissist, and I endured...
  • Holly Brown, LMFT: Interrupting people wouldn’t make someone a narcissist. Narcissistic personality disorder is...
  • sova: I don’t like the term narcissist. Because people with ADHD have a tendency to do this. I mean talk about...
Subscribe to Our Weekly Newsletter

Find a Therapist
Enter ZIP or postal code

Users Online: 12240
Join Us Now!