Archives for Relationships
I recently wrote about emotional abuse, and how often people think of it as name-calling or explicit cruelty, when really, it might be about someone controlling you with silent disapproval. It's when someone causes you to feel you can never be good enough. That ties into my topic today. Are you in a relationship but often feel completely alone? Your partner might be emotionally withholding.
I just read the fantastic book "Girls & Sex" by Peggy Orenstein. What I love is that while it paints a somewhat dire picture of the landscape for teen (and even pre-teen girls), not to mention young adults, it's not just about diagnosing the problem; there's a prescription. You can help your daughters navigate that landscape, but it involves talking to them differently than you might have considered before. It means that instead of just talking about the risks of sex, we have to talk honestly about rewards, which is probably far more uncomfortable but incredibly valuable. So here are some ideas for how to have those talks. And remember, even if you've been approaching it differently, it's never too late to try something new.
So Trump's latest racist affront has arrived, and as usual, he makes no apologies. And the Republican party wants him to just say he's sorry so he can end the conversation. As anyone with kids knows, forcing apologies does nothing for the victim or the perpetrator. Expressing remorse is just the start, though. It's also about helping the other person (or people) to heal from what's been done to them. All of that takes tremendous strength. Sadly, the Republican nominee seems to believe it's a weakness. How do we teach our kids otherwise?
No, really. It can be a good thing. People who get each other -- who truly understand trauma, down in their bones -- can heal each other. In my clinical experience, finding a non-judgmental love (and extending that same non-judgmental love back) is incredibly powerful. So how do you let the light in, together?
Sometimes you're so deep in it that you can't even see it (it's the fish-can't-see-the-water syndrome), so this post is hopefully a bit of a wake-up call. Or maybe you'll learn that your relationship problems are just like everyone else's. But here goes. You know your relationship is toxic when...
I thought about writing a blog entry about the best ways to help a partner who's bipolar, but then I thought: So many of you out there reading already know how to do that. But what's often forgotten is how to take care of yourself in the face of another's mental illness, and how to ensure that you're looked after, too.
Sometimes a marriage starts out strong, and then flaws begin to materialize. This is completely normal. But like many things, if left unaddressed, marital imperfections can start to wreak havoc on your lives. So here are some ideas for proper care and maintenance of your marriage. Think of it like this: the 5,000-mile checkup; 10,000 mile checkup; and so on. You do it for your car. Your marriage is way more valuable than your automobile. Here goes!
For many, the holidays are hard because of all those images of happy families. The rest of the year, maybe you're able to just bury yourself in your own life and pursuits. Often, you're able to forget that other have what you want. But at the holidays, the truth can be stark, and painful. Maybe it's that you've had to cut your family off because they're toxic; maybe they're still in your life but they're critical, cruel, or neglectful; maybe you feel you can never do right by them, and this is the one time of year you see them face to face and have to be reminded. So how to cope with the holiday season that's nearly upon us? Here are some thoughts.