Relationships Articles

Before You Have an Affair, Read This

Thursday, November 20th, 2014

As a couples therapist, I sometimes work with couples recovering from infidelity.  But I also work with individuals who are heading down the slippery slope to having an affair and maybe becoming one of those couples.

There’s a moment (well, a bunch of moments) before that decision is made.  If you’re in a state of indecision, read on.


Mean Girls: Helping Your Teen Daughter Survive Her Friends

Monday, November 17th, 2014

shutterstock_138187733If you’re the parent of a teen girl, you’ve probably experienced one (or maybe both) of the following two scenarios: watching helplessly as your daughter is hurt by the meanness of other girls; watching helplessly as your daughter inflicted meanness on others.

I have some thoughts about the emotional brutality of female adolescence, and what you, as a parent, can do about it.


Saying No to Manipulation

Wednesday, November 5th, 2014

shutterstock_206022634Wikipedia had a great definition of psychological manipulation.  Here it is: “Psychological manipulation is a type of social influence that aims to change the perception or behavior of others through underhanded, deceptive, or even abusive tactics.”  (Thanks, Wikipedia!)  I’d add that manipulation always benefits the manipulator, though he or she might  be adept at making you believe otherwise.

Everyone twists things to their own advantage sometimes.  But if you’re chronically manipulated by someone in your life, I’ve got some suggestions for you.


Before You Can Change, You Have to Do This

Wednesday, October 29th, 2014

shutterstock_225432577In a word: self-evaluate.  Taking an honest inventory of your problems is the first step to finding a meaningful solution.  But that can be a lot harder than it sounds.  Here’s how to start.


You’re Only Hurting Yourself

Sunday, October 19th, 2014

shutterstock_188024033People do self-destructive acts all the time.  Sometimes it’s because they don’t realize they’re doing it (self-sabotage, where your unconscious is driving the car) or because they don’t see an alternative (cutting, for example, releases endorphins and offers immediate relief from pain.)  Here are some questions to ask yourself, in order to recognize your patterns and begin healing.


How to Fight Fair

Wednesday, October 15th, 2014

shutterstock_205440832In a healthy relationship, fights are going to happen.  (Often, a complete absence of fights is a sign partners have become irrevocably disconnected.)  So the goal isn’t to eradicate all fights; it’s to make sure you’re fighting well.

What I mean is, a good fight is one that’s productive: grievances are aired, resentments are released, both parties ultimately feel understood, and the least possible emotional damage was inflicted.  A bad fight is–well, the opposite of that.

If you’ve been having bad fights, this is a great post to read with your partner.  If you can agree to the ground rules in here (and maybe even put them on the fridge or somewhere you can reference them), that can start turn things around.  So here goes!


The Unexpected Ways Social Media Can Harm Your Teen (And What You Can Do About It)

Thursday, October 9th, 2014

shutterstock_192673244Social media and the parent-child bond are among the themes in my novel, “Don’t Try to Find Me.”  They were also among the topics of a recent radio interview I gave (thanks to Answers for the Family for a great talk! you can listen to it here.)  While there are the obvious ways that social media can harm a teenager (for example, cyber bullying) there are some more insidious ones as well.

What are they, and what’s a parent to do?


You’re Being Emotionally Abused–What Do You Do About it?

Saturday, October 4th, 2014

My recent post Are You Being Emotionally Abused? seemed to strike a nerve with a lot of people.  That means that many of you are experiencing  emotional abuse in their relationships.  This is (sadly) not surprising to me, in my line of work.  But hopefully, it’s a comfort to realize that you’re not alone in this. It’s not your fault, and it’s not okay.

So now that you’ve acknowledged the abuse, what should you do?  Here are the first steps.


Are You Being Emotionally Abused?

Sunday, September 28th, 2014

shutterstock_86748793With so much (rightful) attention being paid to physical abuse and domestic violence, I wanted to also shine some light on emotional abuse, which can be just as psychologically damaging.  But it is also, in some ways, easier to rationalize.  People who are being emotionally abused might downplay their own victimization by comparing themselves to people who are being physically abused: “Well, I’d never stand for that!”

But are you accepting treatment that you shouldn’t?  Are you being emotionally abused?  Here are some indicators.


Getting Over a Breakup

Saturday, September 20th, 2014

shutterstock_189555827We’ve all been there: stuck on the one that got away.  If you’re having trouble moving on, this post’s for you.


 

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Recent Comments
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