In a word: self-evaluate. Taking an honest inventory of your problems is the first step to finding a meaningful solution. But that can be a lot harder than it sounds. Here’s how to start.
People do self-destructive acts all the time. Sometimes it’s because they don’t realize they’re doing it (self-sabotage, where your unconscious is driving the car) or because they don’t see an alternative (cutting, for example, releases endorphins and offers immediate relief from pain.) Here are some questions to ask yourself, in order to recognize your patterns and begin healing.
In a healthy relationship, fights are going to happen. (Often, a complete absence of fights is a sign partners have become irrevocably disconnected.) So the goal isn’t to eradicate all fights; it’s to make sure you’re fighting well.
What I mean is, a good fight is one that’s productive: grievances are aired, resentments are released, both parties ultimately feel understood, and the least possible emotional damage was inflicted. A bad fight is–well, the opposite of that.
If you’ve been having bad fights, this is a great post to read with your partner. If you can agree to the ground rules in here (and maybe even put them on the fridge or somewhere you can reference them), that can start turn things around. So here goes!
Social media and the parent-child bond are among the themes in my novel, “Don’t Try to Find Me.” They were also among the topics of a recent radio interview I gave (thanks to Answers for the Family for a great talk! you can listen to it here.) While there are the obvious ways that social media can harm a teenager (for example, cyber bullying) there are some more insidious ones as well.
What are they, and what’s a parent to do?
My recent post Are You Being Emotionally Abused? seemed to strike a nerve with a lot of people. That means that many of you are experiencing emotional abuse in their relationships. This is (sadly) not surprising to me, in my line of work. But hopefully, it’s a comfort to realize that you’re not alone in this. It’s not your fault, and it’s not okay.
So now that you’ve acknowledged the abuse, what should you do? Here are the first steps.
With so much (rightful) attention being paid to physical abuse and domestic violence, I wanted to also shine some light on emotional abuse, which can be just as psychologically damaging. But it is also, in some ways, easier to rationalize. People who are being emotionally abused might downplay their own victimization by comparing themselves to people who are being physically abused: “Well, I’d never stand for that!”
But are you accepting treatment that you shouldn’t? Are you being emotionally abused? Here are some indicators.
We’ve all been there: stuck on the one that got away. If you’re having trouble moving on, this post’s for you.
Every parent has had that feeling at one point or another. It could be an error in judgment, a moment of frustration, a public spectacle, a comparison to other people’s kids… Lucky us, there are a ton of scenarios that can evoke feelings of anxiety, insecurity, self-doubt, and self-laceration.
What if you’re having those feelings with some regularity? Here are ideas of what to do.
All grief is painful, and it never feels simple. But complicated grief is its own category: It’s when time is moving on, but you’re not; the loss and sadness won’t let go. Maybe it still doesn’t even feel real to you, no matter how much time has passed.
Here are some thoughts on how to begin to pull out of the quicksand.
It’s not an easy thing to do, especially if your parents never modeled it for you or if you’re in relationships where you tend to feel devalued. But assertiveness is a skill you can learn, no matter how old you are. Here’s how to start.