Archives for Attachment
Sometimes when you're struggling in your relationship, you might jump to conclusions. That means you might assume that it's all you, or you might go straight to blaming your partner entirely. Pain can make us short-sighted, and it's hard to take in the whole picture. But creating meaningful change starts by taking stock of what's really happening. So here are some questions to help you hold yourself and your partner accountable in a way that can lead to an improvement in your relationship.
I know, it sounds like crazy advice. You've got a new baby at home. THERE IS SO MUCH TO DO! AND IT JUST KEEPS COMING! HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY JUST "BE"? I recently wrote an essay about my three months of maternity leave, and how I wish I had a re-do. New moms, I don't want you to feel the same. So I'm going to pass along a few thoughts for your consideration. Then you can go back to doing (or not doing.) Deal?
As a therapist, I see a lot of couples who are working on their relationships. I also see a lot of individuals who are unhappy in their relationships but don't know where to start to improve them. Are they the problem? Is it their partners? Or is it the dynamics between them? Perhaps all of the above? Generally, a good place to start is in recognizing your own needs. If you were raised in a home where your needs were invalidated or chronically unmet, this can be a very daunting task. So here are some questions to ask yourself.
No, really. It can be a good thing. People who get each other -- who truly understand trauma, down in their bones -- can heal each other. In my clinical experience, finding a non-judgmental love (and extending that same non-judgmental love back) is incredibly powerful. So how do you let the light in, together?
You might feel like you're tried everything to reach your teen. Or maybe you've gotten so frustrated you've given up, figured you'd wait until the hormones settle. These are key years, and you want to do what you can to influence their course. I say "influence" because the truth is, you can't control. But you can help. Here are some ideas of where to start.
Sometimes a marriage starts out strong, and then flaws begin to materialize. This is completely normal. But like many things, if left unaddressed, marital imperfections can start to wreak havoc on your lives. So here are some ideas for proper care and maintenance of your marriage. Think of it like this: the 5,000-mile checkup; 10,000 mile checkup; and so on. You do it for your car. Your marriage is way more valuable than your automobile. Here goes!
The steps are easy; it's the repetition that matters. Make these habits and your relationship will be better for it.
My last post was about increasing intimacy through touch, and a number of people wrote in about their frustration and sadness over a partner who's turned off to affection and sex. If you're in this painful situation, please read on for some suggestions.
You might be wondering: Am I in a toxic relationship? To be honest, the fact that you're even asking the question (or reading this post) strongly suggests that you are. Deep down, we all know what's good for us, what makes us stronger, and what does the opposite. This post is about eliminating uncertainty, and confronting denial. Toxic relationships weaken us. Read on to see if your relationship fits the profile.