Archives for Attachment

Attachment

Keeping Your Marriage Strong

Sometimes a marriage starts out strong, and then flaws begin to materialize. This is completely normal. But like many things, if left unaddressed, marital imperfections can start to wreak havoc on your lives.

So here are some ideas for proper care and maintenance of your marriage.

Think of it like this: the 5,000-mile checkup; 10,000 mile checkup; and so on. You do it for your car. Your marriage is way more valuable than your automobile.

Here goes!
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Abuse

What Makes a Relationship Toxic

You might be wondering: Am I in a toxic relationship? To be honest, the fact that you're even asking the question (or reading this post) strongly suggests that you are. Deep down, we all know what's good for us, what makes us stronger, and what does the opposite.

This post is about eliminating uncertainty, and confronting denial. Toxic relationships weaken us. Read on to see if your relationship fits the profile.
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Abuse

Eliminating Verbal Abuse Once and for All

Verbal abuse is derogatory language with the intent to humiliate, hurt, and/or undermine.  It robs the other person of their dignity and sense of security.

Mostly, verbal abuse occurs in anger; sometimes it occurs with cold calculation (in which case, the abuser is much more of a threat to another's well-being and that relationship should be terminated immediately.)

I'm going to address the former situation: Where abuse occurs in anger, when self-control is lost, and the person is remorseful afterward.

The tips I'm going to give apply to both the person doing the abusing, and the person being abused, because ending abuse while remaining in the relationship is actually a collaborative effort.
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Attachment

How to Stay Calm When Your Toddler’s Melting Down

I've got some pretty recent experience with this one, as my almost three-year-old has been alternating between intensely delightful and intensely--well, intense.

This can apply to your toddler's tantrums (which tend to be brief) or meltdowns (which are protracted bouts of screaming and oppositional behavior that can go on for minutes to--worst case scenarios--more than an hour.)  What's key is focusing not on what they're doing, but on what you should be doing yourself.

Challenging, I know, but here  are some ideas to get you on a better path.
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Adolescents

Our Children: Our Reflection?

I think most parents have had this experience: You're out somewhere and your child (toddler, teenager, anywhere in between) is behaving in a way that you find embarrassing, and that you hope is not reflective of your parenting.  But you feel the shame anyway, and the judgment of others, and you wonder: Is this my fault?  Is my child my reflection?

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Anger

How to Fight Fair

In a healthy relationship, fights are going to happen.  (Often, a complete absence of fights is a sign partners have become irrevocably disconnected.)  So the goal isn't to eradicate all fights; it's to make sure you're fighting well.

What I mean is, a good fight is one that's productive: grievances are aired, resentments are released, both parties ultimately feel understood, and the least possible emotional damage was inflicted.  A bad fight is--well, the opposite of that.

If you've been having bad fights, this is a great post to read with your partner.  If you can agree to the ground rules in here (and maybe even put them on the fridge or somewhere you can reference them), that can start turn things around.  So here goes!
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