Attachment Articles

How to Fight Fair

Wednesday, October 15th, 2014

shutterstock_205440832In a healthy relationship, fights are going to happen.  (Often, a complete absence of fights is a sign partners have become irrevocably disconnected.)  So the goal isn’t to eradicate all fights; it’s to make sure you’re fighting well.

What I mean is, a good fight is one that’s productive: grievances are aired, resentments are released, both parties ultimately feel understood, and the least possible emotional damage was inflicted.  A bad fight is–well, the opposite of that.

If you’ve been having bad fights, this is a great post to read with your partner.  If you can agree to the ground rules in here (and maybe even put them on the fridge or somewhere you can reference them), that can start turn things around.  So here goes!


Complicated Grief: How to Get Unstuck

Tuesday, September 9th, 2014

shutterstock_143210572All grief is painful, and it never feels simple.  But complicated grief is its own category: It’s when time is moving on, but you’re not; the loss and sadness won’t let go.  Maybe it still doesn’t even feel real to you, no matter how much time has passed.

Here are some thoughts on how to begin to pull out of the quicksand.


How to Be the Parent You Wish You Had

Tuesday, September 2nd, 2014

shutterstock_195655586Some people learned how to parent by experiencing good parenting.  Some have learned the opposite (what not to do) because of the family they grew up in.   But there are particular challenges for those who were abused or neglected, once they have their own children.

Here are some ideas of how to face those challenges and become the parent you wish you’d had.


How to be Present

Tuesday, August 26th, 2014

shutterstock_159921983In this social media-saturated, smart phone world, it’s harder than ever to be present.  And healthy relationships require presence.  Giving someone your full and undivided attention makes them feel valued and secure.  If we never turn off our phone and really focus, how can we expect our children to do so?

Here are some ideas for how to be present, and how to model that for your children.


Who Should You Trust?

Friday, August 22nd, 2014

shutterstock_161941682Once you’ve been burned (especially if it’s by a parent in your early life), it can be hard to open up again.  In some cases, with some people, you really shouldn’t open up.  But how do you know who you should trust, and who you shouldn’t?  And how can you learn to trust yourself to make that determination?


Teaming Up With Your Spouse

Tuesday, June 24th, 2014

workingYou love your spouse, but do you work well together?  Unfortunately, many people find that the answer is no.  This can become painfully evident once we become parents, and suddenly we have to rely on one another in a different way than ever before.

Here are some strategies on how to reduce tension and conflict, and improve teamwork.


Protecting Your Teen From Online Predators

Tuesday, June 17th, 2014

txtingParents a generation ago didn’t have to worry about online predators, but today’s parents need to be aware.  What are the signs your teen is getting in over her (or his) head in social media?  How do we keep our kids safe?


Finding the Right Couples Therapist

Saturday, June 14th, 2014

curlsThis is not the same as finding a “good” couples therapist.  I used to believe in the myth that therapists are either good or bad; now I think that there are some good therapists who are just a mismatch for certain clients.

So how to find the right one?


How Well Do You Really Know Your Teenager?

Tuesday, June 3rd, 2014

teenIn my novel, “Don’t Try to Find Me” (due out July 8), 14-year-old Marley runs away, leaving her mother Rachel wondering how she missed all the clues.  Did she really know Marley at all? And has Rachel’s oblivion put Marley in harm’s way?

For those answers,  you’ll have the read the book!  But if you have a teenager of your own, here are some ideas of how to assess where you are in your relationship.


What’s Your Toddler Thinking?

Saturday, May 24th, 2014

Toddlers can be mystifying beings.  You’re cruising through a good morning, and then suddenly, they melt down at what seems like an entirely insignificant event (the loss of a sock would not be unheard of.)  What’s happening in that toddler brain?


 

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