Attachment Articles

How to Be a Better Listener

Sunday, January 25th, 2015

listening240There’s a lot out there about how to talk to your kids, especially about difficult topics like drugs and sex.  But what might be of greater value to your relationship and to their development is if you become a better listener.

Here are some tips.


How to Stay Calm When Your Toddler’s Melting Down

Friday, January 2nd, 2015

shutterstock_93516394I’ve got some pretty recent experience with this one, as my almost three-year-old has been alternating between intensely delightful and intensely–well, intense.

This can apply to your toddler’s tantrums (which tend to be brief) or meltdowns (which are protracted bouts of screaming and oppositional behavior that can go on for minutes to–worst case scenarios–more than an hour.)  What’s key is focusing not on what they’re doing, but on what you should be doing yourself.

Challenging, I know, but here  are some ideas to get you on a better path.


Our Children: Our Reflection?

Saturday, December 6th, 2014

shutterstock_104434844I think most parents have had this experience: You’re out somewhere and your child (toddler, teenager, anywhere in between) is behaving in a way that you find embarrassing, and that you hope is not reflective of your parenting.  But you feel the shame anyway, and the judgment of others, and you wonder: Is this my fault?  Is my child my reflection?


How to Fight Fair

Wednesday, October 15th, 2014

shutterstock_205440832In a healthy relationship, fights are going to happen.  (Often, a complete absence of fights is a sign partners have become irrevocably disconnected.)  So the goal isn’t to eradicate all fights; it’s to make sure you’re fighting well.

What I mean is, a good fight is one that’s productive: grievances are aired, resentments are released, both parties ultimately feel understood, and the least possible emotional damage was inflicted.  A bad fight is–well, the opposite of that.

If you’ve been having bad fights, this is a great post to read with your partner.  If you can agree to the ground rules in here (and maybe even put them on the fridge or somewhere you can reference them), that can start turn things around.  So here goes!


Complicated Grief: How to Get Unstuck

Tuesday, September 9th, 2014

shutterstock_143210572All grief is painful, and it never feels simple.  But complicated grief is its own category: It’s when time is moving on, but you’re not; the loss and sadness won’t let go.  Maybe it still doesn’t even feel real to you, no matter how much time has passed.

Here are some thoughts on how to begin to pull out of the quicksand.


How to Be the Parent You Wish You Had

Tuesday, September 2nd, 2014

shutterstock_195655586Some people learned how to parent by experiencing good parenting.  Some have learned the opposite (what not to do) because of the family they grew up in.   But there are particular challenges for those who were abused or neglected, once they have their own children.

Here are some ideas of how to face those challenges and become the parent you wish you’d had.


How to be Present

Tuesday, August 26th, 2014

shutterstock_159921983In this social media-saturated, smart phone world, it’s harder than ever to be present.  And healthy relationships require presence.  Giving someone your full and undivided attention makes them feel valued and secure.  If we never turn off our phone and really focus, how can we expect our children to do so?

Here are some ideas for how to be present, and how to model that for your children.


Who Should You Trust?

Friday, August 22nd, 2014

shutterstock_161941682Once you’ve been burned (especially if it’s by a parent in your early life), it can be hard to open up again.  In some cases, with some people, you really shouldn’t open up.  But how do you know who you should trust, and who you shouldn’t?  And how can you learn to trust yourself to make that determination?


Teaming Up With Your Spouse

Tuesday, June 24th, 2014

workingYou love your spouse, but do you work well together?  Unfortunately, many people find that the answer is no.  This can become painfully evident once we become parents, and suddenly we have to rely on one another in a different way than ever before.

Here are some strategies on how to reduce tension and conflict, and improve teamwork.


Protecting Your Teen From Online Predators

Tuesday, June 17th, 2014

txtingParents a generation ago didn’t have to worry about online predators, but today’s parents need to be aware.  What are the signs your teen is getting in over her (or his) head in social media?  How do we keep our kids safe?


 

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Recent Comments
  • Holly Brown, LMFT: Thanks! I thought it was applicable to a variety of situations and relationships.
  • Marine Pat: Love this. These questions can trickle up to everyone you encounter in your life. i see so many that are...
  • Holly Brown, LMFT: The first question is “What’s my baseline mood state?” It’s in there.
  • Becky: The first question is not listed.
  • Holly Brown, LMFT: Hadn’t thought of the Mean Girl mentality of the stepmother (she’s the ringleader for...
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