It sounds easy enough. But once you’ve got young kids, it’s surprisingly difficult. There’s not much time, and babysitters cost a lot of money, and since it becomes such a rare occurrence to have a date, it puts all kinds of pressure to make it a really great date.
Add it all up, and it can be a tough job, dating your husband in the post-kid era. So here are some suggestions.
- Keep the expectations low. The good news is, you’re already married. You don’t have to woo each other with scintillating conversation. And the surest way to kill a conversation is to really, desperately need it to be a great conversation. Relax, and realize that this isn’t your first date, or your last.
- If money is an issue and the babysitter is a splurge, think about the kind of romantic things you used to do when you were, say, dating in college. Think of a new neighborhood to explore; walk on a beach or around a lake or somewhere picturesque (and free); do happy hour instead of a full dinner (sitting at the bar is often a more intimate experience than a table anyway). If you’re in or near a big city, there are often guides to free and cheap things going on, or websites, or you can just get the local free weekly paper.
- Don’t assume that a good date has to involve sex. You might feel exhausted; you might feel nervous because it’s been a while; you might just not be in the mood. And that’s okay. See above (not your first date, or your last.)
- It’s also okay if you don’t find a ton to talk about, or if you feel like you’ve still got your parent hat on rather than your spouse hat. Meaning, you might keep thinking of the kid(s), and that’s what’s handiest to talk about.
- Be up for something fun and non-verbal. Do something you can’t do with the kid(s) along, or something that isn’t nearly as much fun when you have to spend your time worrying if they’re having fun. A hike is different with just your spouse.
- Do something you used to love to do together, and haven’t done in a long time. Return to a favorite restaurant or activity that is decidedly not kid-friendly.
The theme, really, is that it’s easier to connect with your spouse if you don’t stress out and insist on reconnecting. The more pressure we put on ourselves and on our relationship, the harder it is to connect. So bear that in mind when you plan (or do as little planning as possible, whatever suits your style as a couple.)
Couple on a picnic image available from Shutterstock.
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Last reviewed: 19 Jun 2013
Brown, H. (2013). How to Date Your Husband. Psych Central.
Retrieved on December 6, 2013, from http://blogs.psychcentral.com/bonding-time/2013/06/how-to-date-your-husband/