Getting Over a Breakup

By Holly Brown, LMFT

shutterstock_189555827We’ve all been there: stuck on the one that got away.  If you’re having trouble moving on, this post’s for you.

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The Cost of Keeping Secrets

By Holly Brown, LMFT

You might think that a secret isn’t the same as a lie.  But it affects your mental health and relationships just the same.

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Worst. Parent. Ever.

By Holly Brown, LMFT

shutterstock_182868605Every parent has had that feeling at one point or another.  It could be an error in judgment, a moment of frustration, a public spectacle, a comparison to other people’s kids… Lucky us, there are a ton of scenarios that can evoke feelings of anxiety, insecurity, self-doubt, and self-laceration.

What if you’re having those feelings with some regularity?  Here are ideas of what to do.

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Complicated Grief: How to Get Unstuck

By Holly Brown, LMFT

shutterstock_143210572All grief is painful, and it never feels simple.  But complicated grief is its own category: It’s when time is moving on, but you’re not; the loss and sadness won’t let go.  Maybe it still doesn’t even feel real to you, no matter how much time has passed.

Here are some thoughts on how to begin to pull out of the quicksand.

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How to Find Contentment (Rather than Happiness)

By Holly Brown, LMFT

shutterstock_146627852Sure, we all want to feel happy.  But seeking contentment is a better goal.  Happiness is a mood state, inevitably fleeting, while contentment is more sustainable.  Here are some thoughts on how to find it.

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How to Be the Parent You Wish You Had

By Holly Brown, LMFT

shutterstock_195655586Some people learned how to parent by experiencing good parenting.  Some have learned the opposite (what not to do) because of the family they grew up in.   But there are particular challenges for those who were abused or neglected, once they have their own children.

Here are some ideas of how to face those challenges and become the parent you wish you’d had.

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Standing Up for Yourself

By Holly Brown, LMFT

shutterstock_138511955It’s not an easy thing to do, especially if your parents never modeled it for you or if you’re in relationships where you tend to feel devalued.  But assertiveness is a skill you can learn, no matter how old you are.  Here’s how to start.

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Can a Narcissist Change?

By Holly Brown, LMFT
table

Many of us are involved with narcissists (people who have difficulty empathizing with others, and behave accordingly, often manipulatively.)  The narcissist may be your parent, your significant other, even your child.  In order to decide what your options are in this relationship, you’re wondering: Can a narcissist change?

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How to be Present

By Holly Brown, LMFT

shutterstock_159921983In this social media-saturated, smart phone world, it’s harder than ever to be present.  And healthy relationships require presence.  Giving someone your full and undivided attention makes them feel valued and secure.  If we never turn off our phone and really focus, how can we expect our children to do so?

Here are some ideas for how to be present, and how to model that for your children.

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Healing Past Hurts, Opening Up Again

By Holly Brown, LMFT

shutterstock_194030540For some people, opening up comes easily (maybe too easily–which leaves them prey to manipulation or rejection or worse.)  Some people never open up at all.  The healthiest approach is the middle ground: Finding a person who is worth trusting, and then taking the emotional risk of opening up.  In many cases, the best way to heal old pain (including childhood pain) is to build a healthy, mutual relationship.

Once you’ve determined that a person is worthy of your trust (for more on how to make this determination, read my post Who Should You Trust), you might find you’re still holding back.  Here are some ideas on how to break that cycle so that you can create connections that heal past hurt, instead of reactivating it.

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Recent Comments
  • Holly Brown, LMFT: I agree–there are no blacks and whites in human behavior. Being in my line of work,...
  • Lillian: I think lying and keeping secrets is motivated by different factors: you have individuals who do it...
  • Holly Brown, LMFT: I’d never heard the expression “duty of candor” before. It’s a good way to...
  • Mark: A duty of candor is not something most Americans feel. Keeping a secret will hinder the other persons ability...
  • Holly Brown, LMFT: I respect that you’re already in such a self-reflective place so soon after the breakup....
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