Syndicated from the Bipolar Blog
I grew up in a household with mental illness in a parent. The illness was never fully identified or named, yet it decimated our family life. I was enormously relieved to realize, over time, what was going on in my family when I was growing up. It helped me understand my parent more and to tell my family story in a way that is less judgmental and critical and more compassionate – toward my parent with mental illness and toward me and my siblings and my other parent. As a professional and as someone who lived with this, I feel strongly about the need for honest, open communication in families when a parent is struggling with mental illness.
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Jil
10:03 am on
December 20th, 2008I grew up with my mom having bi-polar only it was not diagnosed until I was 20. But all we knew, my sister and I, that growing up, mom either did not feel well, tired, would stay in bed for days and days and days and not get up and cook or clean, or she would feel great and do all these fantastic things. It was hard not knowing what it was that mom had. Dad did not know what was wrong with mom and so sometimes he would just sit us down and tell us, mom had a tough day. And there was always this tremendous guilt becuase I felt like I had done something wrong and that was why mom had taken to her bed. It wasn’t until my late teenage years and my own battle with self-harm when I sought counselling that my family as a whole started looking at my mom and going, hmm, maybe we should take mom to the doctor and see if there is something there. And finally, a diagnosis. And medication. And she’s doing much better. And I’m getting there. But as a child, when you do not know what is going on, and your parents do not know what is going on, and there is a very serious mental illness going on, it is the most scary thing in the world.
Misty
11:33 pm on
December 29th, 2008My mother was also bi-polar, undiagnosed for nearly 20 years, after most of the damage had been done. Partly because of our families faith in religion and association of mental illness with demonic possesions.. we had people come to our house to speak in tongues over my mothers body! Of course when mom was having episodes, I was always told that she was just not feeling well. Our family eventually tried to commit her as they feared for my safety (at 12 years old). She tried suicide several times… once I came home from school and found that she had barracaded the front door and would not let me in.. she was screaming with wild eyes.. as she held a razor to her arm. The police knew our family story, as they had been called to our home numerous times over the years. She was finally diagnosed, but has never adhered to the medication as prescribed. I begged my father to leave her and take me away from her for years. He finally divorced her when I was 20. To this day I struggle to have any kind of relationship with her and struggle to make sense of my life and understand how all that mental trauma has affected me and the choices I now make as an adult. Growing up with a parent who has this disorder is almost worse, in my mind, than growing up with that parent deceased or absent. One day you are loved and protected, the next you are verbally attacked and abandoned. My heart goes out to anyone who grew up this way.
Ann Evans
10:06 pm on
April 19th, 2009I had a dad with bipolar. We didn’t find out what his problem was until I was 16 yrs old. My dad was very unpredicatable, very verbally agressive towards me,my brother, and mom. My situation was further complicated by my mothers health, she suffered chronic migraines. Our family rule was quite, be very quite to not distract your dad or bother your mothers headaches. If that wasn’t bad enough my mother was also paranoid and felt there was always someone waiting to kill or harm us, thus we were never aloud to do anything. No friends, no calls, no after school activities, no birthday parties, no trips to the store…nothing. I was so alone and confused I developed the most unusaul coping mechanism that now as an adult am fighting to get rid of. I developed a alternate reality to live in. I talked to imagined people, worked to make it more real then life, even would wrap blankets around myself trying to imagine someone was holding me or even cared. This crazy thing helped me survive. I was so depressed that I would use this world to convience myself not to kill myself, that I was worth something. Even to this day I am searching for that since of love and comfort I never had, fighting to live a social life, struggling to develop healthy relationships. Unless you’ve lived in such a home you could probably never understand the chaos. I pray for those that live there and pray others don’t experience this situtation in life.
My wife is 37 an has been a mess since she had our first on two kids @ 19 yrs old.And is it commen for them to spend all her engry blaming everything on the other partner,an lye about everythingto put the blame on me, she things she is perfect tells me everybody would be better of if I was dead.throws me out if I try to talk to her about anything that she can’t controll,the next day call like everythings fine.What do I do, Ifill as I’m leaving my kids 20&7&13 behind ,but she scares everybody away but for afew that won’t speak up or she’ll go off on them,like she has to everyone in her life.I have no one else to turn.How do I stop the slent abuse without calling the police an paying A high price of her lyeing an being so convincing to people that don’t live in the home,I’ve covered this up to everyone thinging it will go away fore 18 years I can’t leave them behinde
please
Please contact me @e-mail larryazevedo@rocketmail.com Im having problems with my azevedoconstrution e-mail I just got your e-mails.But again I’ve been moved out do to her bi polar an its to late.I tryed to bag her to let me get her some help,for the sake of our kids ,she never has once she lyes for the last 19 yrs puts it on me.shes never been send by a dotor an she won’t I have no engry left to beg her as my 7 year old has told me why doe’s mom say its you dad, she needs the help.If a 7 year old can see it why can’t A 37 year old not willing to just try one doctor one time.I’ve hide it from everyone for so long & lyed for her to many times to learn A can’t fake A 7 year old.I thought I was helping to now know Iv’e made it only wrose. Larry
I’ll be back later afther I pick up my kids. Thank You Larry
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