I went through a period of hypo mania for 5 mos. I slept 2-3 hours a night & had so much energy & enthusiasm & felt so good. I had confidence & felt high self esteem (which is unusual for me). I actually felt like I had adrenaline rushes coursing through my body. It felt like a drug was tingling all my nerve-endings–hard to explain. I did not report it to my doctor as I did not realize it was so dangerous. I have bipolar 1 & had been stable for 5 years previous to this on a cocktail of 5 medications.

SUDDENLY I crashed & did an overdose. My husband found me & took me to the ER. That was 2 1/2 years ago & I still haven’t recovered from the experience emotionally. I am so scared that I could do something like that. I had suicide attempts in the past (1st one at 15), but after my 1st child at 22 promised myself I would not do that as my mother committed suicide (she was bipolar also) & I knew how devastating that is on a child. So despite STRONG urges to do so over the years I have restrained myself until that episode 2 1/2 years ago.

My daughter is 31 now & I am 54 so I was shocked that I had broken my vow after all these years. Since that overdose my doc has listed my dx as mixed–moderate & has been adjusting my meds & wants to add Seroquel to help me to sleep (sleeping a little better; maybe 4 sometimes 5 hours a night despite taking some sedating meds), but I am resisting taking more meds.

I am also doing individual therapy & DBT (which is helping immensely). But is it possible to be in a mixed state for so long (2 1/2 YEARS)??

Thank you for your kind words. It means a lot to hear that breaking that important vow was not a result of my weakness of character. Sometimes I just wonder if I am doing all this to myself; am I somehow causing these feeling to occur through my negative thinking? Am I just following what my mother modeled for me (she committed suicide when I was 15) because I am too weak to break the patterns? All these thoughts swirl around after a relapse.

Thanks for your response.

Hello,
My sig other. Has been displaying classic signs of mania for the last 2 months. The thing is he also has end stage liver disease and was hospitalized in October for it and for his extreme mood swings. His liver specialist put him on Trazadone, because he said he couldn’t sleep and his pcp had him on gabapentin for pain. His liver specialist said he had hepatic encepalapathy and left it at that. But I am seeing all the signs of manic depression and they don’t fit with the first diagnosis. I have called 911 on him twice, the first was because he said the message light on our cable box was a camera and was taking pictures of what was going on in the house and he called his brother and said he was there dad and that he was going to get him because he stole money from the estate after their dad died (needless to say his brother also called the cops and got a restraining order), the second time was yesterday as he called his ex in Fl at 5 am and told her to call 911 for him. He wanted me to as well and when I finally did (after talking to his ex)he was furious with me but calm with the police and said I was the one who needed the help (I am bi-polar too but am pretty stable right now just slightly depressed from the stress of all this but I am getting help). I don’t know where to turn anymore and am afraid to leave him alone as I don’t know what he will do. He spends money like it is water and thinks he is God and that God sent him here to finish what Jesus didn’t get done. He also thinks he is John Lennon and Darwin. Can anyone give me info on what I can do. His sister just puts her head in the sand so to speak and his ex is trying to help but has her own family in Florida to take care of. What can I do? I am at my wits end and it seems like no one really listens.

My wife’s manic episodes are never that long, although it’s so hard to tell because she goes into mixed states, where she’s manic and depressed at the same time. They are hell on me. Those states can last for a couple of months. The true manic states, though, they burn out quickly for her… a couple of weeks at most.

Hi all,
Huge Sigh :/ Please Bare with me. Hard Times!

my husband and I have been together for nearly 7 years. For the most part, it’s been h*ll. (and yes, I feel guilty for saying it).
Husband has been suffering with emotional issues from childhood. He began consuming himself in Alcohol at an early age.
Moving on:
After nearing divorce and talking to his mother he decided to go for help, 3 years ago. Diagnosis~Bi polar manic. He was put on Zoloft which turned him into an even bigger Angry Monster. Currently on lamictal since August. I began to recognize the onset of a Manic/Mean Phase in September. Unforntunately, I recall the specific day-Sept 21.
He got physical and I sent him packing. Well, actually I packed his things for him~all the while, feeling numb.”this isn’t right, I love him but he’s mean, cruel, he can’t help it, etc…”
After a week he came to me apologizing/cring and said things would be different-he moved back in.
I *think* this affects him more than myself.
Each episode worsens slightly. This is by far the worst yet :/ In his eyes, I can not do or say anything RIGHT… SO CONFRONTATIONAL :/ !! lose – lose situation. I won’t discount how he must feel. As much as I love him I am not sure I can hang on much longer :/
There’s so much more: the first 5 years of our relationship he led what I refer to as a double life.
We began going to church regularly in 2004/2005,had a son in 2006, all the while husband was watching porn on internet, calling sex lines from cell,joined an online dating site, frequenting a Peep show where the girls strip and the man does “you know what to himself”. sorry (tmi)
How I found out: he went through $5,000.00 cash in a week and had absolutely nothing to show for it and a female called his cell! Initially he contacted her “phone sex” sorry again, tmi.
All the while, *WE* were taking Ministry classes at church.
Enough for now- I feel nausea

*L* in Ohio

I just sat here reading all of these post. I am just overwhelmed with the simularaties to my 18 year old daughter. I have felt everything everyone here is feeling about caring for a BP person. We have been dealing with this for over 5 1/2 years. My husband is about to throw in the towel.

We are blamed for everything. She never takes ownership of any of her actions. She is extremely intelligent but has no common sense. She has mixed severe episodes for an extended period of time. We would almost prefer the mania episodes where she is violent over the back and forth so much. That is aweful to say but at least we know what she is going to do and it ends pretty fast.

I am emotionally drained and she has no idea why. I am told I am grouchy and can never understand what she is going through. We are told constantly that we do not love her and we would be better off if she was not around. She uses this to get what she wants. The other one we have noticed lately, if we ask her to do chores (which she hates) she will start crying and saying we are so mean. It is really hard to tell if it is BP or if she is just trying to get out of things.

I tell myself daily God only gives me what I can handle. She is a great person and I love her greatly, I am just ready for some peace.

I am greatful for everyone writing on her because it helped me to see we are not alone.

Thank you and have a great holiday season. This can be a very trying time for all of us.

My 27 yr old son is having a manic episode that is now going on 1 month. This time around he is not taking any medication, and worst, he’s fueling this condition by using steroid, recreational drugs and alcohol. He has cut-off communication with the family (in fear of being Baker Acted). I am very worried about his condition since he is already showing some signs of hallucinations. How long can this go on? What can I do to get him to a hospital. I am desperate.

My daughter left home seven months ago. She calls regularly and I can tell she is manic. She stopped taking her meds when she left. Will she come to some type of realization that she needs help and get back on her medication, or will she continue to live this life thinking she is happy and all is well with the world when it isn’t.
She needs to come home and get help.

My name is Siouxzen and I am a rapid-cycling bipolar with mixed episodes. First, my heart goes out to all of you who are confused and suffering because of a loved one’s mental illness. Always keep in mind that whatever suffering you have- it is multiplied 1,000 times over by the bipolar person. I am currently in a manic episode, but I am aware that I am. Those of you who have stated things such as- “loved one thinks conspiracy plot is going on, thinks he is God, thinks there is a camera in the house recording his every move, etc.” these are symptoms of psychosis. These bipolars need to be put on some type of anti-psychotic medication asap. (Psychotic episodes can occur in a bipolar mania and it does not mean the person is schizophrenic, but this should be ruled out by a competent pyschiatrist- although getting the person to see one or take the medication can be a whole other problem in itself). My current episode (although I am on the mood stabilizer lamictal) was kicked off from several factors- severe stress from the holidays (Xmas is the worst, my father commited suicide when I was 15- 30 years ago-he was an alcoholic and undiagnosed bipolar). I also am an alcoholic and have self-medicated my illness for years (did not get properly diagnosed until age 48- I am now 54)I am currently sober, but because I could not handle the stress of the holidays I started drinking heavily. This caused me to have a spike in my blood pressure and my heart was beating so hard I felt it would beat right out of my chest. This went on for a month straight (the heart and drinking) and I was give a blood pressure medication- atenolol- which is a beta-blocker). I was unaware, and apparently so is my doctor, that beta-blockers can cause pyschiatric symptoms. My symptoms started off with severe insomnia, a compulsion to drink to quell extreme anxiety, two major panic attacks where I almost had what is called a “pyschotic break” where the person is so stressed out that literally the mind can’t handle it and breaks from reality. Luckily, it didn’t come to that, but I went into the grocery store to buy food for Xmas, and had a panic attack where I suddenly felt 3 feet tall. Then I looked at my hands and they looked huge and very old to me and not my hands. Next I felt myself floating out of my body. I knew what was happening because it had happened to me before (the first time is the worst!) and ran out of the store, leaving my purse and coat in my grocery cart until a man ran to get me to tell me I left my things behind and it snapped me back into reality where I could get the cart and run to cash out and run to my car and rush back to the “safety” of my home. The blood pressure medicine also caused me to have horrific nightmares that increased in severity each day that I continued this medication. The lack of sleep (VERY triggering for bipolars to end up manic) and the severe stress (another trigger) caused me to go manic. The first sign for me is dilation of my pupils and my eyes seem to be hyper-focused, almost like they are bugging out of my head. The other sign is rapid speech, non-stop talking and pressure to do many things all at once. The worst for me is racing thoughts. I slept (after finally stopping that bp med yesterday, pretty well for about 5 hours last night out of sheer exhaustion of little sleep for last 2-3 weeks. I woke up like a shot with racing thoughts going through my head at the speed of light. Anything and everything from envisioning cavemen, atomic bombs, mathmatical equations (I hate math), to brightly colored flowers by streams, to flashes of evil faces- you name it. The pain from these racing thoughts cannot be described. It is as if your brain is going to blow up and you have all your energy to contain it (if you are lucky enough to actually realize what is happening). So I laid in bed for an hour trying to stop these thoughts, but I couldn’t. I said to myself that I know what they are and I will just have to tolerate them. It was at that point that my eyes just started welling up with tears and just streamed down my face. I was so angry and exhausted that I was cursed with such a terrible mental illness. I started to sob a little and this woke my husband up and he touched my face and felt it was wet (it was still dark out) and he hugged me and said it would be alright. No, it will not be alright. Maybe temporarily, but I will always have this illness. There will always be times that medication won’t control it. I have gone bankrupt twice for compulsive overspending while manic, and have done countless other crazy things. This was before I was diagnosed. The saddest part is that when I am not manic, I am usually in a constant state of low-grade depression (I have not had a full-blown depressive episode since being on lamictal.) I would say that I am actually “happy and normal” several days out of any given year. Pathetic. All I can do is keep trying. I would suggest Zyprexa (an anti-pyschotic) to snap someone out of a manic episode. There are also heavy-duty sedatives that can be given if hospitalized. I for one am very sensitive to medications (hence, my reaction to a blood pressure medication, of all things, but all medication has to be considered as a culprit in triggering mania, unless proven otherwise. Anything that causes insomnia for a period of just one week can trigger mania.)so I cannot take a lot of medications other bipolars can tolerate. I cannot tolerate any anti-depressants or anti-pyschotics. While manic I eat very little, which doesn’t help blood sugar levels which can also cause problems. I just thought I should write something on here to give you all the viewpoint from a bipolar person. It is literally a cross to bear and can be hell on earth. On behalf of my fellow bipolars, please believe we love you and recognize we are very lucky to have people trying to help us, understand our illness and stand by us. It is very important to us. More than you will ever know. Good luck to you all.

Im 20 engaged i have bi polar myself an so does my fiance. These last few weeks she had been manic like ive never seen. She hasnt been home in three weeks. She was almost completely ignoring me until i confronted her about everything. She is going out of her way now to tell me she does want to be with me we just have to make it through this and that she is trying to protect me and in the end all she wants is to be with me. Im trying to be as pacient as i can but sometimes my mind gets the better of me. I know she is truthful in saying what she saying but she has become completely obsessed with her job to the point where she has put everything she really loves and cares about to the side. Im completely unsure what to do in this situation. Do i continue to be patient or put my foot down and say enough is enough. It putting me through turmoil everyday and she thinks that we are perfectly fine. Life goes on i know regardless i understand that but at what point am i wasting my time? i understand how she feels i have been there im bipolar myself but i have overcome many obstacles in my life she has never had to face. Do i make her face them? I am so good with advice usually with things like this but it is different when you yourself are in the situation.