Yes, I feel stigmatized by my meds. I take a lot of meds. But I feel just as stigmatized by my illness, and I am not “out” at work, nor do I disclose on a first date. Maybe a third date. But before I found the right meds I was so sick for so many years, I could never have passed for “normal.” So I’m less stimatized now on my meds. Except that now I am very fat from all the weight I gained on Zyprexa, which has otherwise been my wonder drug. Weight is very stigmatizing too. And not so healthy.

I’ve only recently been diagnosed and I don’t feel stigmatized by my meds, as of yet. I do feel a bit angry that I can’t drink any alcohol (and that my beloved father has taken it as his own personal mission to make certain that I never drink a drop again) and am trying to work through it.

I do, however, feel stigmatized by the disorder itself. It’s just over a month now since treatment started, and my life has changed so radically that I just feel upset. Also, whenever I tell anyone (which I invariably do because my doctors advised me not to go live in Paris next year and now all of a sudden I’m not going) everyone seems to either question my diagnosis or beg me not to commit suicide.

So, on the scale of everything, the meds appear to be the least of my worries.

I feel stigmatized because when I start a new job, and they require my “pre-existing conditions” and I have to list that I have bipolar disorder and all the meds that go with it, the HR people ALWAYS see it…that’s when everyone starts to treat me differently. Like I’m some freakin’ loon. You can’t even joke about xanax without someone running to the boss…you can’t ever be stressed out like a normal person without people whispering over your shoulder.

What did people like us do before meds? There were so many functioning famous and influential bipolar people in this world. Winston Churchill, Einstein, Beethoveen, etc. I’m sure you all know the list goes on, and I don’t need to give a book report.

I just feel like the drug companies keep making more meds in order to make us feel that we should be taking them all the time in order to survive. Do any of you really feel that some of your meds are necessary, or do you just take them because your doctor says so? I’m just curious.

Yes, I also feel very stigmatized about taking medication. Not so much about the disorder alone, since I rarely tell people that I hardly know (at least I’m learning not to anymore), and I have a growing number of friends who also have bipolar. Lately, for at least the past year, I’ve been trying to find my own personal spiritual niche out there. A lot of holistic and spiritual practioners completely disregard and discourage the use of conventional Western medications. I can see a basis for that, but, through mindfullness, an understanding of oneself, and an acceptance of Eastern modes of thinking, it only seems natural with the ways of human evolution, that Western ideas (and medications) can, AND, should play an important part in coping with mental disorders. I feel that there can’t be one method alone…at this point…I’m interested in all of these comments, and hope to hear more.

I had to basically diagnose myself before I could make a psychiatrist do the assessment and diagnose me. So I read a lot before my diagnosis, among other things Kay Jamison’s “The Unquiet Mind”. She talks long and wide about the importance of staying on your medication, than goes back and talks wide and long about the importance of not stopping your medication, then goes back and… You get the point. For some reason the message resonated with me, and I took it to heart. I self-indoctrinated before I even took my first pill, and now I take all my meds as prescribed, every day, and I take pride in that. I see that as an important task I do to make myself better, and I feel good about myself when I’m doing it. My mother completely disapproves, and my husband does not approve, (that would be the stigma part?) but I ignore them and keep doing what’s good for me.

As for the diagnosis itself, most my friends know, and noone blinked. I suffered a lot the first year with the implications: chronic, debilitating, disabling… For the first time I realized I will never be _cured_. (I suffered with a mood disorder since teen years, but I always visualized the time when I will be OK.) I had to readjust and mourn some of my goals. So I feel less than what I used to be. But I still feel better than most, so I guess it’s OK. (I was quite accomplished before the diagnosis.)

Noone at works knows yet, and there’s no need – they won’t be my support network so why bother? I might tell my boss because I might need his help with my reappointment. I don’t expect bad treatment from him. I did get idiotic comments from some doctors, though.

Overall, I don’t know. My daughter is still to small to snatch my pill box and bring it to school for show and tell, ha-ha. As time goes by, and more people inevitably get to know, maybe I’ll have more negative experiences. So far so good.

I had to go to the dentist yesterday and had to list my meds on their form. They asked what it was for and I told them ptsd, which is true. It’s just that the ptsd treatment has evolved to treatment for a mild form of bipolar. I wasn’t ready to say it…maybe because I’m still not completely ready to believe it yet. But then, this of course leads to the dentist asking what happened and how I’m feeling, which I also hate talking about (the nature of the disorder, I think). I kept wishing that I lied on the form, just to avoid this awful encounter. Maybe, the next time I’ll say depression, since it is much more common (also true). I feel really anxious about having it “on record” somewhere that I have a bipolar diagnosis.

I definitely feel some stigma because of my meds, particularly within my family. I was diagnosed at 15, and went off my meds constantly, in part, because my mother felt that I was malingering.

I didn’t stay medicated full time until I was in my late 30s. To this day, her attitude towards me taking meds (in particular AAPs) is very negative. It can be very disheartening at times.

I feel greatly stigmatized by my medication and have decided to discuss going off of them with my pdoc tomorrow. In the three years since I have taken them, my moods have become more erratic and the things I’ve gotten into trouble for haven’t faded away. Although I started my law school career with a bang (8th in my class) after two years of what I was repeatedly told were various “necessary meds” (and trust me, I went through them all, with every nasty side effect – weight gain, zombie loss of IQ, even an anaphylatic reaction and hives) I finished my last semester with a 2.3 and 60th in my class. It was a heartbreaker for a girl who had worked her butt off and expected to graduate magna.

I lost a good relationship because of the sudden erratic swings in my mood AFTER I started the medications. I got tired of having to explain on doctors’ forms. The antidepressants were fine – a lot of people use those…but lithium, seroquel? There was a part of me that wanted me to scream that it was NORMAL – people need these sometimes. But I couldn’t. I was silenced by a wall I knew was there.

I learned the hard lesson of disclosure. On our bar application, we had to disclose if we had ever been diagnosed with bipolar. Unfortunately, I decided to disclose. What I had to go through next was one of the most invasive situations in my life. Perfect strangers, most of whom were lawyers I would run into during my practice, were combing through my medical records, threatening me with maybe not being able to practice if I was found “unfit.” They also made me go through an “evaluation” with a therapist-not even a psychiatrist. Luckily he was very sympathetic, but the whole process took so long that even though I passed the bar, I was not even listed with the bar passees.

That’s discriminatory of course. But who would be brave enough to “come out” and challenge them? I know many people who lied on that application. I know I did.

When my insurance application for my new job came around, I learned that there were no such things as pre-existing conditions for our policy (a good one). Still, a form asked if we were on any medications or had anything they should know about. I’m a little ashamed of myself, but I left the field blank.

I’m sure bipolar meds have worked wonders for people and I am happy for them. But I think about the girl who walked into her college psych’s office looking for a prescription for wellbutrin to quit smoking and ended up “bipolar” and realize my life has fallen into a shambles since that moment. I pray with what’s left of my cynicism that this debacle has not left me with permanent mental damage as the loss in my memory and the ability to string together a sentence might demonstrate. I want to excel in my job. We’ve tried every combination. Maybe meds just aren’t the answer for everyone. But they’ve caused me too much pain to continue (any example – I NEVER had suicidal thoughts taking this stuff – now they occupy a good part of my day.) Good luck to all of you – I wish you well.

Hi Linda,

I have done the same thing. Because my GP does not believe that my illness is real, I locked myself away for over 3 years.

I now find I am on meds which negatively interact with eachother and can cause symptoms I reported 3 years ago. But its never the drs fault is it?

Why do doctors give out these medications and then deny that they can cause such side effects? Effectively they are shutting down their patients life. Forcing the patient into a little snow globe of cause and effect,which is unseeable by the very one who created it…

Yes, people who had manic symptoms, and therefore bipolar, were diagnosed with brainstorms.

I feel I have been stigmatized by my medication and my having bipolar disorder. In the begining I was just doing it to myself, talking to others as if I was now hopeless, destitude to live a life in and out of the hospital probablly ending with suicide. Once I got a handle on what I thought about my diagnosis and the medications I was having to take, I started getting out more, talking to people and even dating. I found someone very special who never judged me for my diagnosis or my medication. She did judge me for my alcohol abuse and the very bad events that occured while I was drinking. She helped me see the light and I quit drinking. I went to AA meetings where I found that not all people were so understanding about medication. I was told that taking any medication for psycological reasons was undermining my sobriety. I quit going to meetings, I am still sober mostly because I can’t stand the smell of alcohol at all anymore. I am at a point now that I feel it is hopeless, I have no friends and am distant from everyone. I just don’t want to be close to others because I don’t want to be told how to fix my problems or how wrong I am for using medication to try to get and stay stable.

I don’t think I am being stronger if i decide not to take meds – I think I am being scared, of weight gain, of failing liver or kidneys, I am frightened of becoming worse if I go off them once I might start them. I am frightened that I won’t be prescribed the right one. I am also frightened that I will loose my husband when I become fat and if the meds don’t improve I will be fat and moody. I am frightened that i will be making that Pharmaceutical giant richer at my expense and so much more.
I have fantasised how I might ‘cover’ disclosure of my condition, and worried that I might not be fit to work with kids in a school if I have a ‘mental condition’. I know I am going on and on – and so let it be known, hell yes I feel stigmatised.

JOE: You asked for an update on my getting off meds once I got into a sunny, more agreeable environment for me (daily hikes, sunshine, blue skies, much less stress, etc.). My husband hasn’t been able to retire due to the economy, but he has been able to work out a deal where he can telecommute quite a bit so we are able to spend about 1/2 of each month in the ideal environment for me so I haven’t checked into the hospital here to try to get off meds, but am working w/my meds provider at home to get off and/or decrease dosages.

I just turned 55 & have been able to do quite well on getting off several meds. My progress so far: Off Abilify completely for 3 mos. now (had been on it for 12 yrs.); off Klonopin (was taking it at night mostly as anxiety was preventing me from sleeping–I had been taking Xanax or Klonopin at night for this purpose for about 25 yrs.); off Trazodone (had been on that for about 3 yrs. again as had been having hard time w/insomnia); decreased Lamictal dosage from 300 mg daily to 150 mg.

I have been doing Dialectical Behavioral Therapy & individual therapy (same therapist for both) which is really helping me learn a new way of thinking & new tools for managing the anxiety–lots of mindfulness techniques. It has been difficult at times as the Abilify really did help me w/my sometimes paranoid thoughts.

Now when they pop up I have to deal w/them myself–think them through, gather evidence in my mind, think rationally & discard the paranoid thoughts. It is work as my immediate reaction sometimes is to have a paranoid thought. For example, I recently changed internal medicine docs & my husband asked for her address, ph. #, etc.

That triggered my paranoid thought that he was going to go behind my back & “spy” on me somehow. I had to remind myself that he needs the info. for emergency purposes; he is not my “enemy” & is, in fact, one of my greatest sources of support & help (at one point before getting on Abilify I thought he was going to poison me so as I was “talking myself down” from the paranoid thoughts about his wanting the info. about my new doc I added some humor that I doubted he was going to call the new doc & plot w/her on how to poison me at my next appt.!).

The paranoid thoughts & feelings of unease would return periodically for about 3 days & I would go over the rational thinking again until it was firmly placed in my mind that the thoughts were only fleeting remnants of paranoia & I could handle them & not “feed” them or pay attention to them.

My Lamictal recently had to be increased to 200 mg as my anxiety during the day has sometimes been difficult for me to deal with, but I am still “a work in progress.” I am able to hike every day here in the sunshine & spend lots of time outdoors & think that this is actually a good transition for me–learning new tools as I slowly decrease dosages or eliminate medications.

I also am taking Topamax 200 mg daily to try to assist in weight loss (gained 50 lbs. while on Abilify); Provigil 400 mg; Concerta 72 mg (for ADHD) & then medication for low thyroid, B-12 monthly shots for pernicious anemia, meds for high cholesterol & blood pressure due to weight gain & am attempting to avoid getting on medication for high blood sugar that is testing in the diabetic range now.

I’m taking a diabetes educ. class & hope the Topamax is effective w/the hiking in losing weight.

I hope to continue to rely more on my own wellness plan & coping skills & less on medication, but realize that I will have to go w/what works & can experiment w/my doc’s expertise assisting me as I have had suicide attempts, etc. in the past so I can’t “play around” w/symptoms.

Wow! I’m a dad of 3 great children, Was diagnosed (or however the hell you spell it) with ptsd, adhd bi-polar and major depressive. I’ve always known i was depressed (crazy, angry childhood) around the home. My point is……i’m in manic mode as i speak……..let people think what they want, at least we’re trying to get better. There is nothing more we can do. Quite frankly, i think it’s enough.I’m well educated and so, feel as though i can speak out for those of us who do feel stigmatized. What a bunch of crap telling me i’m a bit confused when you (the doctor) can go home and argue with yor wife over expenses, argue with your kids over grades etc….but yet tell me when i do the same i am “acting out my past regressions” etc….Fight the same fight for your right to feel “normal”. Oh, and the rare doctor who reads these sights……Take a pill dude!

I’m not sure how I feel…I need to feel in control of my life and I never really am I guess. I went most my life knowing something was really wrong with me but didn’t know what or how to fix it. I started having major psycotic episodes and my new husband finally saw that I wasn’t kidding when I told him I am not normal. He got me help and after finally being able to talk to a professional about it and be told “Oh well this is what is going on and this is what we are going to do to help” I instantly felt relief because someone out there understood me even when I didn’t. Now here is the odd part…I am trying to stop taking my medicine because I hate spending that kind of money on myself especially if it isn’t making me or my home look good …and sometimes I feel like I miss ….myself????? I also get very angry with my husband because anytime I am adgitated or sad he says “you didn’t take your medicine did you?” Can’t I have emotions while I take the meds? and then it makes me madder because 99% of the time…no…i didn’t take my medicine. Now I feel like the only reason I have friends or my family has anything to do with me is because the meds…well that isn’t who IIII am and they clearly don’t really care about ME. I know I need to stay on my meds but I don’t want to but I do want to…I know I’m making no since…now I don’t think I can make myself start taking them right again…it’s like picking up a nasty roach and putting it in your mouth…just can’t. I’m lost…part of me wants to be found and the other part wants to be left alone and accepted and loved for me…illness and all.

Rhiannon, was wondering what your age is, if that’s OK, because I’ve went through alot of the same during pre-menopause. I was a health food nut, so I never took anything other than natural supplements. I’m now 56. And for several yrs. now I have had horrible depression, anxiety, violent outbreaks, many suicidal thoughts, and cut my wrist not to long ago. I really didn’t want to die, but I was on Prozac, which can cause those thoughts, and was extremely depressed. Thank God I called for help! I was then treated, and been diagnosed by 3 different psychs as having a form of bipolar, post traumatic stress disorder, panic attacks, and OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder).My OCD is I was constantly counting in my head! About drove me completely crazy! The Prozac has almost taken that away! (40 mg. daily). And yes, don’t think my family understands either. My oldest daughter told me she needed to take a step back for awhile (don’t blame her, I called her, and don’t remember it, and told her I was going to cut my wrists!) Sooooo unlike me. I guess I scared everyone so bad that noone has called to talk to me about it! I think family just doesn’t know what to say! My husband showed up at the hospital and said “Why did you do that, I was almost asleep!!!” He knew why. We haven’t had sex for over 3 yrs. because of some emotional problems he has in that area. I have 6 children, and most of them have drug problems too. I felt I just couldn’t handle everything anymore. But I’m taking Lamictal right now, and xanax, with the prozac, and am starting to feel better. Been on it for only a week, but I think it’s helping.These issues go back 4 generations on my mother’s side, and she is 83 and has Altzeimer’s. I like the psych I have. He’s very understanding, and listens well. I go back next week. But I have been on the Prozac for 5 months. I hope this has helped some, but sounds like you definitely suffer from OCD! I know how awful that can be! Hang in there! And don’t let what other people say keep you from taking meds. Sometimes people just need mental help. It’s as serious an illness as cancer, or any other illness! God Bless, and good luck!

For me the most frustrating this is needing medications for stability and hating them at the same time. Just when I think I’m getting better and don’t need them, or if I stop, I realize I’m not as stable as I thought. Minor events can make me furious or despondent; I get too many ideas only to dismiss them as worthless. My drinking and self-injurious tendencies increase.

Without them I’m mostly depressed or in a mixed state, and my hypomania is great and highly functional, but short lived and infrequent. I go to therapy and try using mindfulness techniques, but there’s a big biological and genetic component (family history).
On them, I feel unsure of how I really feel. It’s often not happy nor sad, just dull. I’m much more functional, but I feel less creative and can never shake the fact that I need pills not to be a wreck. There’s really no “better” option between the two.

I feel more stigmatized by just having the Bi Polar. Taking the meds is a more personal stigma. I draw my conclusions on 8 years of various shrinks dumping every drug they can down my throat until they find what works. Well, that’s great, except if they don’t work, or it’s dangerous for you to take it due to a thyroid condition for instance, sometimes you find what you are taking has side effect that are much worse than the condition one is treating. I believe in helping people out of horrific emotional states, but with better supervision, with meds that have been long time in use as to not be a guinea pig for the pharmy industries. It’s a catch 22, if I read more than once that Abilify has killed people, I think I’m going to reconsider taking such man made drugs.

I take Depakote. So does my best friend with epilepsy. It isn’t a big deal unless you let people make a big deal out of it. And if they do, screw ‘em. They don’t know you.

Sue T: Have fun being part of the problem by making people feel ashamed of themselves for no reason. Or, you know, take your trolling somewhere else.

tl;dr cool story, bro.