I am searching for a reason to explain this weird behavior. I have had a friend since childhood. For years, this person had a husband who was an alcholic and then,turned to gambling. She never complained, but now her behavior has me concerned. She is upset, overly so, because last year I had some illnesses that prevented me from socializing with this whole group of friends. Now at 72, we go out for brunch or dinner. I would have to cancel and this is how this behavior started. All of last year I had some serious issues and we laid low because they interferred with our social life. This is the weird part, I have gotten some help and doing much better and the doctors have connected my weakness with a blood platelet problem.

I called my friend and told her that I would like to return to our group. She is the one who manages our turns by just telling us it is our turn to invite, schedule an event and let everyone know. She blasted me verbally saying that she never believed me. This story goes back to give you some background to a time when one of our children got a horrible virus and if she was sick, we’d cancel. Now, it is me and the same thing for me, I have been advised to rest when this problem happens.

My friend told me that she “didn’t believe me then (referring back 37 years when our daughter was a sick baby) and she doesn’t believe me now ( my illness).

This upset me and the more I think about it, the more confused I get over her rejection of my reasons and rudeness to me. This conversation took place over the phone, and after her speech about believing us, she hung up on me.

I am a professional educator of 37 years and have had some experience with certain behaviors. I am not diagnosing hers! but asking how I should manage my reaction because this has caused a division amongst our friends. I understand,that I am the one who cancels and the “then” remark meant she didn’t believe us when we used our oldest
daughter’s illness as a reason for canceling.

She is pointing out a similiarity to our reasons and making a judgment that is totally off-balance. I am an upfront person, most professionals and educated persons are not as petty, at least from my experience.

Here is my problem: of course, I am hurt about being misjudged, but how do I handle her irrational behavior and then, this is the big part she lied to the others and reversed the story to make me look like I made accusations to her. I didn’t even get a chance to respond to her rant, when she hung up on me.

My husband recalls that my only response was:
K. that is not true and that may have been, what made her hang up rudely. I never called back, left it ride, now the rest of group has literally decided to drop us from the events that since high school we attended. I left the area, went to college, grad school and returned and we settled here.

I am afraid of her erratic behavior and confused about how I should respond. I haven’t responded but she has talked with everyone else and her presentation has caused a ripple effect with the others.

They do not want friction in this group and must believe her. What should I do? I have not approached anyone with an explanation or an attempt to raise confusion in their minds. I am hoping that this is a sign that will repeat itself again, but will not involve me but will clarify her behavior to them.

After this incident, my grown daughter called my friend and this subject came up with. My daughter told our friend what I said happened. I call this the “whisper” game and never participate in discussing situations. It just involves more imput and I prefer to let things settle on their own. Actually, only in a professional way have I had to use this practice.

What should I do? remain silent and let this pass or will it build and grow. In this group, this has happened before. It was when I first returned to this area and did not get involved, but I remember feeling bad for that woman.

Is this regular and normal behavior? As a professional I have never encountered this.I am not degrading those who have not experienced higher education but it does seem that this is all over nothing.

What can you advise me?