I often write about the challenges of maintaining a relationship when bipolar disorder seems intent on destroying it, but bipolar disorder can also strengthen relationships. It strips away the facade, exposing vulnerabilities we work so hard to keep hidden. Ultimately, this can lead to a deeper intimacy in the relationship.

Bipolar disorder also tests your mettle, your ability to endure in the midst of adversity, your character. It challenges your commitment and can expose old wounds, so they can be properly attended to. It forces you and your loved one to make potentially life changing choices you should have made but probably never would have considered otherwise.

One of the symptoms of bipolar disorder is a lack of insight – an inability (not unwillingness) to notice a significant shift in one’s own mood or behavior. This happens most often during acute mood episodes – manic or depressed – but can be part of the bigger picture of living with the illness. Family members agonize over how to help someone who doesn’t want help, and they sometimes watch helplessly as the illness destroys their loved one’s life.

A recent visitor to our Bipolar Blog wrote:

I have a question, I was diagnosed BP1 in July, I am struggling with the severe manic episodes involving self damage, screaming, it is pretty bad, the police were here last night, but thanks to God, they did not take me. My boyfriend is loving and supportive and a good person is taking care of me when I come down. But the physically intimate part of our relationship is gone. He always has an excuse. This only makes me feel more and more lonely and displaced. He refuses to make the connection of normalcy for me. To me it proves he cannot handle BP. Anyone else have this problem, can you overcome it and how??? Thanks for your thoughts!
Lori B.

Bipolar disorder is notorious for leaving broken relationships in its wake – both intimate relationships and close friendships. Bipolar can be a double-edged sword – driving away the very people we rely on to maintain our mental health.

Yesterday, Lynn posted a comment on our Bipolar Disorder Medication Spotlight: Seroquel. Here’s what she had to say.

When we were in Slovenia a couple weeks ago, Cecie and I did an interview for a televised report on bipolar disorder. The interviewer asked me what it was like to be married to someone with bipolar disorder. I stammered and stuttered, not really sure how to answer and then offered up some feeble response about how terrible it is during the manias, but how normal it is most of the time.

Last week, Joe posted a piece entitled “Bipolar Dilemma: Insensitive Jerk or Irresponsible Oaf?” in an attempt to spark a discussion and collect insights on what to do when you sense that your loved one with bipolar is exhibiting symptoms of mania or hypomania. This week, Dr. Fink weighs in.

Dr. Fink Replies…

This dilemma lies at the heart of so much of the strife that families living with bipolar disorder face every day. I don’t have any magic answers – I suspect that people living with these challenges have creative solutions that will be more helpful to others than anything the doctor might have to offer.

When you’re in a relationship with someone who has bipolar disorder and seems to be exhibiting symptoms of mania or hypomania, you’re likely to face the dilemma of whether to say anything:

Some time ago, on our other blog, Bipolar Blog, a visitor posted a piece in our Share Your Bipolar Story section entitled “Bipolar Extramarital Affair,” which generated some discussion.

Recently, another visitor commented on that story about the need to make some allowances for bipolar: “Allowances must be made. Not to do so is unfair because it [bipolar] holds people to unrealistic standards and disappointment becomes the inevitable outcome.” He goes on to say that “You have two choices: moderate the behaviors and/or moderate the expectations.”

Bipolar mania can really foul up the family dynamic. One minute, your family is cruising along on autopilot, and the next minute you’re in a tailspin. It can begin innocently enough with a barely perceptible increase in irritability and criticism, and then quickly escalate into knock-down, drag-out conflicts, all of which contribute to worsening the mania.