A recent visitor to our Bipolar Blog wrote:

I have a question, I was diagnosed BP1 in July, I am struggling with the severe manic episodes involving self damage, screaming, it is pretty bad, the police were here last night, but thanks to God, they did not take me. My boyfriend is loving and supportive and a good person is taking care of me when I come down. But the physically intimate part of our relationship is gone. He always has an excuse. This only makes me feel more and more lonely and displaced. He refuses to make the connection of normalcy for me. To me it proves he cannot handle BP. Anyone else have this problem, can you overcome it and how??? Thanks for your thoughts!
Lori B.

Lori’s comment struck a chord with me. I’ve been in her boyfriend’s shoes. During my wife’s manic episodes in the past, I often felt too overwhelmed and upset by what was going on to feel a strong urge for physical intimacy. I felt constantly on the defensive. Many people describe it as having to “walk on eggshells.”

But Lori B.’s comment reminded me of the potential therapeutic aspect of physical intimacy and the brutal nature of bipolar. During the very moments when two people in a relationship need physical intimacy the most, mania can drive them apart.

Knowledge and understanding may be the best defense. Realizing it’s bipolar at work and not your loved one’s willful choice to make life difficult may help avoid some of the blame and bitterness that can drive partners further apart.

In the meantime, I think maintaining a “connection of normalcy” can play a valuable role in the emotional and psychological well being of both partners. Withdrawing one’s emotions or avoiding physical intimacy, while it’s an understandable reaction, rarely does any good and may function as another stressor for one or both partners.

During one of our worst episodes, a very wise marriage counselor sent us home with strict instructions not to discuss any of the issues we were addressing in therapy. Our orders were to go home and enjoy one another’s company between sessions. I think she knew that as soon as the medications took effect, we’d be okay… as long as we didn’t self-destruct before then. Best advice from a marriage counselor we ever received.

Please share your experiences and insights regarding bipolar and the potential therapeutic benefits of physical intimacy. I realize this topic is very broad. I’ve touched only on the manic part… depression brings up another side of the discussion as does medication that can adversely affect one’s sex drive, performance, or both. Maybe we’ll touch on these topics in future posts.

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From Psych Central's website:
PsychCentral (February 5, 2010)

    Last reviewed: 5 Feb 2010