Comments on: What's It Like to Be Married to Someone with Bipolar Disorder?

By: Amyf

Amyf — Wed, 05 Oct 2011 17:06:11 +0000

I have been married 25 years and became noticeably ill and finally diagnosed with bp at age 43. I suffered depressions that I functioned through since about age 12. When the mania showed up no one recognized it. Although I had been through numerous physical separations from my husband because of his military service, it had never occurred to me to be unfaithful. At 43, I became involved with a man half my age over the internet, it was ended by my husband after 8 months. At which point I had my fourth episode for the year, a major depression that followed the two manias and a depression that occurred inbetween. That was when I got my diagnosis. I know that I said things but couldn’t remember them, that hurt my husband. Its not a split personality but honestly, manic me and depressed me don’t even think like the stable me. Our thoughts and feelings aren’t trustworthy in an episode. Do you know, its hard not to know when to trust your own mind. My husband has stuck it out with me, he loves me even though its not always easy. But on the other hand he’s not an easy man to live with either. He’s a very intense adhd workaholic who does not have discussions but rather lectures. Having an argument is like listening to a lawyer tell his side in at least 3 variations so you ‘get his point’. I have only been suicidal once and admitted myself to the hospital on dr suggestion. When I am manic it comes out hypersexual. Sometimes I wish I spent money cause you can take back a shirt. I’ve been manic 4 times in my life, the first three were before I got my diagnosis. Otherwise I am not mean or violent, I don’t rack up bills or get paranoid. I sleep less and get creative in writing and want sex and sometimes think I want a divorce but I talk to my therapist about all that and she helps me see that as part of the mania. I take my meds religiously because I fear the depression more than anything. I can’t say that my husband is a great help in everything as he still works in another state. He calls often and reminds me to take my meds. Otherwise its up to me to keep up with drs, ther, meds and a support group. Perhaps if it had shown up earlier in our marriage it would have been harder to accept and manage. Personally, I think it was precipitated by my entry into perimenopause. Its well known that in females puberty and childbirth can be triggers, I believe hormones can be a trigger during the change too. I have to say to you folks that are living in violent, angry marriages that its not doing you, your spouse or children any favors by sticking it out. If you can’t get help for yourself and your ill spouse won’t get help then that is a good reason to leave. I don’t think God meant for people to truly suffer in a marriage and to be honest, a relationship like that isn’t truly a marriage other than on paper.

By: mokie

mokie — Thu, 16 Jun 2011 03:19:31 +0000

Well I am schizoaffective bipolar I. I have known my husband since I was 13 and I am now 40. We have been married for 16yrs. I just recently accepted that I have this illness and will do everything in my power to learn to control it, of course he is there to help. He is a lovng husband, patient, caring he is like no other man I have known. I have dealt with the manic side of the illness since I was 20 but even though I was told I had this illness I did not know what I had. It was like I went to the doctor and they said you have to take this medication and report back to every appointment which I did. I did many terrible things during our relationship. I used to tell him I did not love him and wanted a divorce but deep down I did not. It was like I was fighting something within me and could not stop my thoughts, words and actions. Of course there were many other things that came with the manic episodes. Just about two years ago I became sort of stable or less manic to where he told me I had to make a choice of getting better or losing him and my daughter. I struggle with getting better but I did improve some what on my behaviour with this illness. I dealt with the question if I am ill or not. Just last week I have come to terms of accepting this illness and with the help of going to counseling, new psychiatrist, joining a support group and researching all I can while I am in a much normal state then ever have decided that I will not let this illness destroy my family. My husband has always told me he forgives me every time I disappear with who knows and who knows what I was doing. Now I have to forgive myself as well. I don’t think I could have accepted this illness if it was not for his support of taking care of me for so long. He tells my not to blame myself for my past cause it was my illness that is to blame. It was hard cause I hear so many with the illness say don’t use the illness as an excuse but I know deep down in my heart it was. Now we can work as a team to stick together forever. We can make a new begining and make descions together on what is to happen if I do get to manic. I have given him permisson to be at all my appointments with psychiatrist to give his imput from his side, since I know that getting manic gets me into trouble and I do admit I like being manic since I don’t really know how to handle this normal state. I also have shared with him what steps I would like to do and what I would not but this was agreed upon together. I wish everyone best of luck with their marriage. I know each is different and even when there is no mental illness to handle marriages sometimes don’t last. Hope this makes seem sense, sorry it’s hard to write sometimes with the thoughts racing in my head.

By: Jason

Jason — Mon, 18 Apr 2011 07:31:31 +0000

Need some advice I am 38 and have a relationship with a beautiful LADY who has beed told by a few phscs that she has BD now after my devorce a few months later I met this beautiful LADYwe were happy laugh joke and dream togather. 1 and a half years later the “hell” i’ve been through excuseswhy she does not want to visit when she does it lasts 1 or 2 hours here mom does not like me o she is 35 my GF has a 4year old daughter and me andher child are so close when the going is good it is good but when it is bad it is bad i’m new to this and don’t want to give this up she telles me she does not know what she want yet she does not want to end this cause she does not want to loose me yet she does not want me to drive home with her at night after work at night i am a parramedic and i just follow her cause we live close and i worry about her she said she wants indapendents always an excuse HELP all i want is for her to be the happiest Lady in the world. my email is jasoner24@mtnloaded.co.za

By: Bipolar For Life

Bipolar For Life — Sun, 19 Dec 2010 06:09:32 +0000

I hate to write, but…. I am a 42 year old female, Mother of four by two different Fathers/Husbands. I became married for the eighth time a few months ago. I am Bipolar I as well as ADHD with possible personality disorder. Just last week I had my 31st ECT treatment. I had missed previously the month before. I was doing a bit better until missing. However I am now absolutely in Love with the man I am married too, but can not stand the way I get with him and the fact that I have no control of it. I am looking into surgery for deep brain stimulation. I would do anything to be better and to have no chance of losing him. Has anyone experienced the procedure?

By: Stephanie

Stephanie — Sat, 30 Oct 2010 04:33:58 +0000

The information contained in this article on creating and maintaining boundaries with mentally ill spouses may help somebody:

http://www.nami.org/Content/Microsites138/NAMI_Fort_Wayne_Indiana/Home128/Information_for_Spouses_and_Partners1/Boundaries.doc

By: Kris

Kris — Wed, 27 Oct 2010 16:51:58 +0000

My husband was diagnosed with BPD about 18 months ago. Looking back, I see the cycles, but they did not manifest in ways that were really “harmful” until he lost his job. He became dilusional about our relationship and began an affair with someone he was convinced was the love of his life. At one point, he lost touch with reality so much that he could no longer tell right from wrong and became a danger to himself. He was hospitalized for a week and released. For weeks afterward, he was still in this dilusional state, but no one else was really close enough to him to understand it. So, some of his family began to think that I was making these things up or I was the one who was “crazy”. FINALLY, we found a doctor who was able to diagnose him correctly as Bipolar (rapid cycling).

He has been through most of the medications available, but for one reason or another (mostly they are just not effective) he has only partially stabalized. We have 2 small children and another due to be born in a few weeks. This puts an enormous amout of stress on me to not only keep the family running smoothly, but to also keep an eye on his mental state.

I understand that he does not know when he is becoming manic (tends toward the manic side more….or possibly that is the side that causes me more problems, so I notice it more). We agreed a while ago that when he was becoming manic, I would point out his behaviors that indicated mania. The last time he became manic and I pointed out several behaviors that were “red flags” to me, he became very angry. He got in my face and tried to intimidate me (completely out of character for him) and told me that he didn’t want to know specifically what he was doing, just to let him know that he needed to call the doctor.

This is the most frustrating part for me…..the rules change and I don’t know it. I want to scream “JUST SEND ME A MEMO!!!!!” It’s hard enough dealing with him when he is manic (he becomes completely self-centered and self-absorbed) but to bite the head off the only person who is actually trying to help him….

He says he gets angry because I act like “it’s all about the disease”….I don’t understand, would he rather I think he really is just acting like a jerk for the fun of it??

By: christina

christina — Wed, 27 Oct 2010 15:38:21 +0000

well, i was recently married about 5 months ago.and every since we got married it has been hell.i believe that my husband is bipolor and i do not know how much more of this i can take before i decide to leave him….he is so hateful.i dont understand this.its like he is ok nice sweet loving and then at the flip he is the worst person in the world…he is always hurting me emotionaly.saying horrible things tome..he is always saying that he is going to leave me.and according to him i dont do enough.and everything is my fault.he blames me for not having anything..but he came into this relationship with nothing.now in just 5 months he owns 2 cars…but he dosnt see it that way.he dosnt think his progress isnt good enough…but these are the cars he had to have.he holds it over my head what he has lost in previous marriages.when it has nothing to do with me.he had me quit my job and now all i am is a free loader and a mooch….he blames me for all the wrong things his exs has done to him even tho it is not me who did those things to him…he treats my son like shit.like my son ist allowed to breath talk have snacks and has to live behind the 4 walls in his room like a prisoner..he is always looking for a reason to ground him.this has put me in depression..i just donty know how i can get him help before i cant take anymore and i just leave him..this is def a nightmare..its klike he is imature and dosnt think the way a 36 yr old man should be thinking…he complains that he has to work long hours and its bc he has to pay my bills.which they are rent elec water ect…which has become his bills when we were married.he blames me for the job he has(he is a trucker)but he had this job before we got together…i just dont know what to do anymore we have more bad episodes than we have good ones…i think in the past 5 months he has only held me in bed like 1 time…when before we got married he use to hold me all the time.there is nothing to do to get him to stop blameing me from his past..all i can do is sit and cry and be depressed.i cant handle this anymore.he wont get help to change and be a better man.please help i need to know how i can get him on some medication if he wont do this himself before our marriage is over.

By: Sharon

Sharon — Mon, 10 May 2010 06:25:28 +0000

Les Miserables,

Maybe you should rethink what your Christian faith means to you. I understand your need to vent, but seriously, is this what you think Christ is?

I am Christian and I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I am in my early twenties and was diagnosed a few years ago. For a while I felt like my diagnosis was a death sentence. I thought I would never marry, never have kids, never have meaningful relationships. I thought at most, my intellect or career would serve as my main motivation in life. I am learning this is not at all the case. I found this article hopeful-I hope to marry someone who really loves me one day.

By: Lisa

Lisa — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 21:08:08 +0000

I feel like a weight has been lifted! After reading all of these comments i dont feel so alone! My husband is Bipolar but refuses treatment of any kind. He is very verbally abusive towards me during his anger phases. Somedays i feel like such a moron. I want so bad to argue back with him but i feel like it just is going to make a bad situation worse so i just take it. My husband is a wonderful man but his lows are extremely difficult. His main trigger is work (he is stressed at work) and when he gets stressed he gets irritable, angry, feels like everyone hates him, and is just HORRIBLE! We have been married for about 5 years now and for the most part it is wonderful but on the “low” days/weeks i feel like running awaY!!

By: DasRider

DasRider — Sat, 12 Dec 2009 21:01:49 +0000

I’ve got Bipolar. Specifically, Cyclothymia. And severed ADHD-C. I have been married to my husband for 22 years. I take full responsibility for myself and everything that comes our of my mouth. I take all of my medications and do all the recommended behavioral stuff.
It has taken 9 years but it appears that the current medications have stopped all mood swings. It’s been 10 months now, swing free. It’s fabulous. my husband and I are extremely close. His slight OCD and my BP compliment each other. He say he sees my BP as something like diabetes, not a huge deal as long as I take care of it.
We have a teenage daughter. She appears to be BP-free. Thank God.
When I was having mood swings it was hard for me, but I stuck with my oath to not make wither of them suffer. A great rule of thumb is: “If you don’t say it, if it does not come out of your mouth, then it never was said.” I learned to clamp my lips shut. A wonderful lesson.