Candida Fink. Really.

I do have a sleeping ritual, that helps me get in the mood for sleaping: I start with writing my journal for the day, in prder to clear up my thoughts. In the meantime, I prepare myself a ‘quiet night’ tea. After the tea is ready to be consumed (the right concentration and the right temperature) I take my cigarettes and my tea on the balcony and I smoke quietly, having small zips of tea. I watch the night trafic and reflect upon my plans for the next day, next month, next year, next therapy session, and so on for about 20 minutes and after that I go to bed. In bed I smoke another cigarette, laying down, and drinking the rest of my tea. After that I fall asleep undisturbed, wake up in the middle of the night for about 3-4 times, when I smoke again, in order to be able to fall asleep again. At about 8 thirty my alarm clock starts ringing, so I wake up for good, without any problem.
I could not separete myself from my good-night ritual, especially not the cigarette that I smoke right before falling asleep. And it’s a good thing that I leave alone, because if I went to sleep with someone else this coud arise as a ‘feature’, and… I am sure that it would not be very easily negociable.

I try to take my PM meds at the same time each night, not have any caffeine after noon (but I often fail at that one because I substitute tea or soda or something caffeinated for alcohol which is another no no). Try not to drink either after 8pm. Turn of the computer usually by 9. Watch TV, make a protein shake, eat dessert, feed the animals, read a book, and then it’s 11:30 or so and I’m out usually before midnight. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night, but I can fall back to sleep if I get a cough drop or relieve whatever woke me up. Then I wake up sometime between 7:30 and 9 almost every morning. Seroquel has helped me regulate my sleep over the past 3 months. Before then it was hit or miss. Insomnia is really bad for an already depressed and agitated state. Now…mood swings, that’s a whole other animal yet to be tamed.

I’ve come to the conclusion that sleep is at the core of the disease. Solve your sleep, solve the illness.

Substituted Seroquel for alcohol, and Geodon for Seroquel. Now I only wake up if I had too much water before going to bed. Voila.