Hi!

I have two friends who are bi-polar (they don’t know each other) . . . one more severely so. Maybe they are better at covering up the symptoms, but my experience of them in a mania state is that they just go 90 miles an hour and get so much accomplished . . and they are very “happy” (almost cartoonish-ly) . . I’m pretty easy going so I just sit back and take it in . . . they carry the conversation, I just have to nod my head periodically . . .

Both of them are great listeners (more so when they aren’t in a mania state) so I get my share of the talking in, eventually. And, they are great friends . . it’s all part of who they are. I really enjoy being with them, regardless if they are “up”, “down” or somewhere in between.

- Marie (Coming Out of the Trees)
http://mmaaggnnaa.wordpress.com/

I’ve only had hypo mania in that my symptoms haven’t gotten me into delusional thinking or “trouble”–except for the overspending.

But the hypo mania is just bliss to me. I feel self-confident (not a normal feeling for me; usually my self-esteem is in the gutter), have an amazing amount of energy on 2-3 hrs. of sleep at night. I feel a physical sensation of adrenaline & a feeling like anticipation & excitement coursing through my body. It’s just a thrumming of sheer aliveness & joy…

When I’m hypo manic I like myself better & so does my husband. I exercise a lot & lose weight & become very social (usually isolate myself from the world). I join all sorts of organizations & quickly rise to the top as I do so much–but I do go overboard & end up on what my husband calls my “crusades”–where I become obsessed with the unfairness of the world or things that I think are wrong so I end up doing things like picketing businesses, speaking at Board meetings of organizations, even ending up on TV being interviewed & that is not my “normal” personality.

But I am so much happier & my husband likes me when I’m energetic & physically active (plus my interest in sex increases a lot) & not feeling like I could cry at the drop of a hat.

But the last time I spent 5 mos. in a hypo mania & then SUDDENLY crashed into a depression & overdosed on my psych meds. The thing that started the hypo mania was that I was going to take a trip to visit a friend on the other coast so I was excited & not sleeping due to the excitement. Then with the time change I continued to not sleep while on the trip. When I got home I just continued like this, not realizing it was dangerous & didn’t report it to my doc as I felt so good.

I had been “stable” for about 5 yrs. previous to this & was taking my meds as directed. After the overdose, though I was in a mixed-moderate state according to the dx on insurance forms for 2 yrs. It was awful with my crying easily, insomnia, agitation… My meds were being adjusted during that time & I started back into individual therapy & started DBT for the first
time.

I think since starting therapy & DBT there has been a lot of improvement as I felt tremendous shame & a sense of failure for that overdose as my mother had bipolar & committed suicide when I was 15 so I vowed I would never do that to my children & had been able to keep that vow (sometimes “white knuckling” through awful depressions where I would have to just close myself up in the closet all night as I cried & cried so my children wouldn’t hear) until that last overdose. I had my first suicide attempt at 15.

My doc says my brain cannot function with so little sleep & that’s why I felt like it was someone else doing the overdosing, why I couldn’t live up to my vow as I wasn’t thinking rationally.

But I’m relatively stable & my life is blah. I feel terrible about myself, cannot lose weight that I need to, have very little motivation. It is so hard to give up the “drug” of hypo mania.

I wrote about my experience of mania here: http://www.hexpletive.com/2008/09/repost-mania-and-how-it-is-for-me.html

When I have been in my manic/hypomanic states, I tend to get into trouble because I take on too many projects and can’t make the deadlines for all of them, and because i can’t keep my mouth shut, and because i tend to be more easily angered. I don’t sleep much, but i’m still happy and extremely energetic and creative and i have about a million ideas rushing through my head at once and i can’t stop working on something if i start it. i mean, i’ll start one project and stay up all night for three days to finish it and finish it perfectly.

I also tend to be much more aggressive and erratic when i’m in a more manic/hypomanic stage; i can’t take criticism, but i can dish it out; i get extremely angry, nearly to the point of violence (though i try to control it). Honestly, I feel much more empowered and hyper.

However, i just got off of a manic stage and the crash was insane. i went from feeling like i was on top of the world (and probably annoying everyone) to feeling completely worthless and not caring about anything.
i was seriously considering suicide, and was prepared to do it, not once, but about three times last week. it’s just lucky that i have friends to keep me talking to them and to make sure i don’t do something that i really don’t want to do. that and the fact that there isn’t a gun in my house are a blessing when i crash.

overall, i love parts of my highs, but it’s not worth it. i just want to level out.

Question: what is DBT?
Until I was 45, my life was highly successful. I always got good grades in school (except Math). I was on the masthead of newspapers, got poetry published, was promoted or was offered promotions, which I turned down so I’d have time for art, poetry, political activities.
I did have one serious “nervous breakdown” at age 18. I had left home after graduation from high school. Living in a crash pad, working hard on anti-war committees, doing protests in Washington DC, helping boys whose numbers had come up escape to Canada via an Underground Railroad group. I’d gotten severe bronchitis & couldn’t afford a doctor, although I had a job (also taking 3 classes at a community college). Coughing kept me up all night, so I decided to work on anti-war newspapers & posters. Ended up seriously ill & mentally unfit after not sleeping (literally) for more than 2 hours a night for 3 months. My boyfriend kept telling me to get to bed but I’d pop up, wide awake, every 30 min.
I was arrested for kicking a police officer as I was en route to DC for the big May Day protests of 1971. He grabbed my shoulder from behind. I didn’t know it was a cop, my brother had taught me some good moves to keep “violent hippies away.” My brother was a Young Republican, so that oxy-moron made sense to him! ha! I was put in max. security. A Judge released me to my parents (who had told me to leave home if I wanted to do anti-government protests).
The Judge appointed a psychiatrist for family therapy. First, the psych’ dx me with schitzophrenia. My thinking, due to being super manic, was akilter. I thought George S. Patton, Marilyn Monroe & Jesus were talking to me, advising me on things like how to stop the war in Vietnam. He put me on Haldol & Stellazine. I went from 5′10″ 115 lbs. to 150 lbs. in 3 months. 3 months after therapy began, I converted from not believing in God to being a “Jesus Freak. The psych’ said I was intelligent, just suffering from “hovering parents” and needed to go away to college, be on my own. He said it was OK to go off the meds & I went down to 120 lbs. in a few weeks.
On the basis of the court-appointed psychiatrist’s recommendation, the Judge reversed my probation, wiped the slate clean (in those days, 21 was adult, so being 18 was still considered a juvenile in court).
I put myself through college by working 2 PT jobs (and 3 PT jobs in summers). I made good friends, got excellent grades, 3 degrees & was active in art, theater & writing. I was super enthusiastic. One friend said “You could convince anyone to do anything!”
I became a teacher & did well but was offered a great job with a travel company, travled to Kenya, London, etc.
Moved from the east coast to escape a violent Ex. Did well in my work until age 45, when I had my 2nd big breakdown. All my life–since age 7–Spring has brought manias. Before age 45 (except the breakdown in May of 1971), I could work with the mania, using it to fuel art, writing & political projects.
A5 45, I was collecting bits of bright-colored paper which I’d mess with for hours at night. I did finish one very good piece of art. I’d go outside & dance from 3:00 a.m. (strange time of night, many people I’ve met who are manic get up at 3:00 a.m.) I’d dance ’til Dawn or until my husband came out to stop me.
He was irate because I wasn’t making sense, was skipping work to dance, walk around town in my high heels & gorgeous dresses. I was super attractive in my younger days, until I was put on meds & gained 35 lbs.) Guys were stunned by my attractiveness, my husband said. I didn’t notice. He says I’d walk into a room & everyone stopped talking to look at me. I was aware that many men were asking me to go out dancing, paying for my drinks & trying to get me to leave my husband.
I’ve read many books about manic-depression & one thing is common—when we’re hypo-manic, we’re irresistable. Until we get overly manic & can’t stop talking, don’t make sense. But the lucky people (like Ted Turner) who are almost always hypo-manic (Kay Redfield-Jamison calls them “enthusiasts”) are super attractive, creative, successful & can easily talk people into doing any project they come up with.
SLEEP is the sure cure for me.
It took 5 years but my MD worked with a therapist (she’s awesome) and a medications specialist (an RN) to get me on the right meds. I did cognitive therapy (didn’t help). Talk therapy was great, she “graduated me” 6 months ago, I’m doing well w/out therapy, just taking meds. It’s been 12 years since I went wild at 45.
I retired at 53, due to seizures unrelated to the manias. I am rarely depressed but when I am, I’m like my father–raging with a quick temper. I hide out at home when feeling this way. I chose at age 15 to never have kids because my father was “crazy” (altho’ super high achieving). I didn’t want to be mean to kids like Dad could be at times.
I thought of suicide 3-5 times a day until I was put on Seroquel. Now, I sleep well & am very productive. Tho’ retired, I belong to writing groups, my husband and I (yes, he stayed w/me through the rough times) travel a lot (Scotland, Iceland, Germany). I go to theater often, volunteering & watching my husband perform. I have 5 close friends & many acquaintances. I am 56 and enjoy life. I hope everyone can find a good MD, good therapist & good meds.

DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy)
I attend the weekly groups that are more like classes as we do share some in the class, but mostly about our homework & how successfully we practiced the skills we have been learning. I’ve been attending for about 6 mos. now. There is learning through lecture & discussion & we follow a manual & have daily homework assignments & are to practice the skills we are learning.

I also started indiv. therapy w/the therapist (Ph.D. who is specifically trained in DBT–this is a must; the therapist must have the proper DBT training & certification, not just read a book or 2 about it).

You can find a trained therapist in your area. It was developed by Marsha Linehan Ph.D. primarily for people w/borderline personality disorder but has been shown to be useful for bipolar, as well. BTW, Dr. Linehan will be speaking at the upcoming NAMI convention in San Francisco in July (nami.org for info.).

Call 1-888-4-TARA APD for brochure “Guidelines for Choosing a DBT Therapist” & also refer you to a DBT program. Also a web site: http://www.TARA4BPD.org
There are other web sites that have exercises that have been developed by “consumers’ (those who are being treated for a mental illness), as well as web sites with articles about “mindfulness.”

A list of therapists trained in DBT: http://www.behavioraltech.com

Call the head of the nearest University Dept. of Psychiatry or Psychology & ask for a referral to a DBT program.

Call the commission of the state, county or city office of mental health & ask for a referral to a DBT program.

If not available in your community, read books from the TARA recommended list. Attend self-help groups like Recovery, Inc.

Seek out others & start a study group. Start a TARA chapter in your community. Contact TARA for help in starting an affiliate. These are all from my manual “The Dialectical Behavioral Therapy Skills Workbook.” I know there are other such workbooks available at Barnes & Nobles & one directly aimed at bipolar coming out in July.

This manual is specifically made up for therapists teaching the class as it has DBT for private practice “skills sheets” & pages from other books by Dr. Linehan inserted so I don’t know what year this was originally compiled.

There are too many skills & subjects that are addressed but some of them are: emotional regulation (helping to decrease over-reactions & doing rash, irrational & dangerous behaviors from these strong emotions; for example, I am EXTREMELY sensitive to any kind of criticism from my husband {or PERCEIVED criticism} from my husband which I seem to be able to perceive from movement of an eyebrow or his saying he liked my earrings meaning he couldn’t say anything nice about ME–just my earrings–so, of course, that sends me into the depths of low self-esteem, depression, self hatred; my self-esteem is already in the gutter so it doesn’t take much as you can see!!

Or once a father of one of our son’s friends came over & saw a wedding photo of me on the mantel & said, “Boy, you sure were cute!” I heard WERE so when he left I smashed the glass-framed photo & tore it up. I was going to tear up our whole photo album, but my husband was able to grab it away from me first. I’d say A BIT of an over-reaction on my part, but that was typical of my rash behaviors as my emotions were way over the top.

I tell you it is awful living like this. It seemed like I could get triggered so easily & could feel so hurt & cry inappropriately. We’d be out to a nice dinner to celebrate our anniversary & I’d be crying by the time the salad arrived, ruining another occasion that should have been joyous.

I bought Visine by the case at Sam’s Club. The low self-esteem prevented me from doing so much. I just wanted to avoid life. I felt so inferior.
Medication helped me, not enough as I also had grown up in a not so great family w/a severely bipolar mother who was not able to be helped & committed suicide when I was 15 & alcoholic father who was very uninvolved or helpful w/us kids—mainly dumped us kids in a boarding school after she died (probably would have been better if he did that earlier as she was quite abusive & the home life was chaotic to put it mildly w/her in & out of mental institutions).

Some of the topics & skills learned in DBT: How to analyze emotions in a rational way so as to de-escalate them & feel the appropriate emotion (not the over-the-top reaction that leads you to do destructive behaviors to get relief from it as it feels unbearable; some women in the group are cutters, bulimic, anorexic, alcoholic or drug abusers; I tend to overeat & do rash behaviors like start some kind of fight or crisis or get depressed or start the “silent treatment”).

We learn to identify the “real” or “pure” emotion we are feeling & not to stuff it or avoid it, but to go ahead & feel it & not be afraid of it, but not to “feed” it so that it will escalate. Not to add to it by ruminating on all the past occasions that caused our feelings to get hurt or sad or feel lonely, etc. Let the emotion go its natural course as it will decrease on its own. It will not last forever.

It teaches what you “feed” will grow so if you feed your emotion by heaping fuel of past hurts or anger or whatever the emotion is on it, you will get mired in it & escalate it.

Live in the “here & now.” Don’t look at the past w/regret or the future w/anxiety. What is going on right now? My family is happy. I don’t live in the past (my unhappy childhood; I accept it; it was hard & sad, but I cannot change it). I don’t think ahead about maybe my husband will develop a serious illness. Maybe I’ll feel anxious & uncomfortable on Friday night when we have to attend a wedding (but then I get to practice another skill of DBT—distress tolerance & anxiety reduction!!).

There are the mindfulness techniques, breathing techniques, anxiety reduction, assertiveness while not causing antagonism in the other person, effective communication skills, goal setting & reaching those goals (Are your behaviors helping you reach those goals? When you want to get drunk as you are feeling very upset or yell at your boss, “play the tape all the way to the end” & see what the ultimate consequences of those behaviors will be. Will the end result lead you to be closer to your ultimate goals of having a peaceful life; a good, stable job; being a productive member of the community; staying out of jail; having a good relationship w/your family & friends, etc.?)

Skills to control anger, steps to change negative thinking, build positive experiences & build mastery (which increases self-esteem)…

Practice “wellness” by taking care of your body through stress reduction, exercise, proper eating & sleep; avoiding mood-altering substances (except prescribed meds!); learning how to do the things you fear; getting perspective & acknowledge the other person’s opinion & right to it, even if you don’t agree.

Avoid “black & white thinking”; “all or nothing thinking”; perfectionism which basically paralyzes you & prevents you from even attempting difficult or scary or new things; “mind reading”; jumping to conclusions without evidence—those conclusions tend to be negative & catastrophic in scope; accepting that you cannot control other people’s thoughts, behaviors, or emotions.

Hope this description helps explain a little about DBT.

My wife has bipolar, and when she begins cycling into mania, I become very nervous and irritable. It’s a bad combination, because I need to be more patient when she’s manic, and I become the exact opposite - significantly less patient.

One thing she does while manic that particularly irks me is that she “grills” me. She seems to need very detailed explanations of everything I say, do, or think, and if she doesn’t fully understand, she keeps peppering me with questions and nit-picking my answers until I pop a gasket. I don’t know if I would consider her confrontrational during these times, but that’s how I perceive the situation.

One good thing about the mania is the hypersexuality that often accompanies it, which I’m almost certain she has kept in the marriage. It’s not like I want my wife to be manic for the sex, but when bipolar is causing so much stress and distress in our lives, the heightened sexuality is certainly a silver lining in the storm cloud… assuming we’re not too angry with each other to enjoy it.

My worst episode of mania happened 6 years ago, and cost me my job and my career. I was working in a bookshop at the time, and as the mania intensified, I stopped sleeping, started hallucinating, and began drawing up plans for a bookshop on the moon. I even outlined a scheme where people would have to purchase a ‘bookport’ (like a passport) in order to visit my moon complex.
Now I’m on medication, my manias aren’t so severe, but they still manage to spectacularly disrupt my life with alarming regularity.
Read more on my website: http://martinelaradaniel.webs.com

Suzanne,
How did you come about know you were hypo manic. I have someone in my life I think is bipolar. They deny any kind of problem. How can I help them?

I do love my “I am a genius!” moments even though I know I’m lying to myself, much more than the depressing times. Who knew that mental wellness meant living to make other people happy, at the expense of your own (super)happiness? Coincidentally I’m sort of manic right now, and feeling a little defiant of social norms and the undercurrent of “Obey!” in every critic’s comment about me. Where does a bipolar person draw the line for others, between the critics’ sound judgment and harsh judgment?

My hypomania (w/at least one possible episode of full-blown mania) tends to be more about irritability than expansiveness or grandiosity. I suspect I have at least occasional, if relatively minor, mixed states. But I do move back & forth between intense irritatability & what seems to me like intense charm. I get obsessive when I’m up, & frequently miss nights of sleep (3 at one point; at another, I was skipping 1-2 nights of sleep every week for months).

My biggest problem, whether hypomanic or depressed, has been alcoholism & a few other, slightly less legal, behaviors. I also have a lifelong problem w/authority & conservative mores that gets substantially worse — & more public — when I’m up & irritable.

Well-medicated now (400 mg Lamictal + 60 mg Prozac), but I continue to have frequent if relatively minor mood swings. The ups can be fun, but I suspect not as thrilling as many other bipolars experience; the downs, at their worst, have been suicidal & disabling.

I am manic at this moment. The rage that comes with it is live a slow moving river. It first is just a drip of water and then over a period of a few hours it forms into a creek and then a few days later, it becomes a river.

At this moment, I believe at times I am a photo-journalist. I have spent lots of money on camera gear. I am very talented at almost anything I put my hands to. That is a problem.

My rage started yesterday and it has hurt my family with harsh words. I have not been asleep for two days. I do not want to be admitted to hospital.

This is a very bad illness to have. My IQ is 126 and have a good job. I am not dumb, yet my belief at times has made me big, big dollars. I make more money in three months being manic then three years being not manic. But then, I also lose lots of money when I go over the edge. God I feel good now……..

Am I really sick at this time? I am normal? Am I really manic?

Thus, I cannot really know myself.

It is mania

My wife just left me after short three year marriage. She has bi-polar and she left me while I was in the hospital.At the time, she was having a manic episode and despite my best efforts she was not able to cope with her impulsiveness and grandoise plans. Despite all of my good works in helping find her treatment and help, she simply pulled out of our life and moved on. Needless to say she broke my heart. I cannot understand how this disease can affect people to be so cruel and heartless. I am left to pick up the pieces of my life which has now been utterly destroyed by this horrible disease.

I’m 43. I’ve struggled with anxiety, depression and hypomania since age 14. I’ve been on nearly 20 different meds. I’ve been in jail only once. (For hitting a police officer.) Thought about suicide many times when I was younger but rarely entertain it seriously anymore. I’ve built a library on the subject of depression. I am taking 225 mg of Lamictal and I smoke one gram per day of dank. I did not graduate from high school but consider myself very educated and intelligent. I am an inventor with one successful patent in thermodynamics. I have been very successful financially at various times in my life. I retired three years ago - and have been living in Costa Rica doing absolutely nothing except lifting weights, eating well, fishing, surfing and taking long naps. This following trends seem to run in my brothers and sisters: Prison sentences, overdoses, alcoholism, hypomania, mania, overspending, fits of anger, domestic abuse, etc. etc. Although I may have not experienced the extremes of what others here have reported I am no stranger to what hypomania can do. It has made my life and the lives of those around me quite unbearable at times.

All of my life I have been searching for the answers as to why this monster keeps taking ahold of my life. I’ve been asking myself “What’s wrong with me?” most of my life. I see that I should be much more confident about myself than I am and it makes me angry at times that my manic state is not my “normal” state or my “real true self” state. I want to believe that the charming, confident, energetic me is the “real” me and I keep “chasing” it.

What do I believe about depreession and mania now?

I believe that depression is nothing more than an untrained mind.

I believe that depression is a choice.

I believe that 90% of all antidepressants and mood stabilizers should have never been prescribed in the first place (including the one that I’m taking currently) and that we are being scammed by the drug companies in what will be known in the next 50 years as one of the greatest scams ever played on mankind.

I also believe that the “Colonel” from the fammed KFC franchise is the mastermind behind all of this.

(That was just a little bi-polar humor to keep you awake while you read my novel.)

I used to believe that the worst thing you could say to someone in the throws of a depression is “Pull yourself up by your bootstraps and get moving!” - because they really had no control over their “illness”.

Today, I believe just the opposite.

Today, I believe we can train our minds to control mania and depression in the same way you can teach a dog to do tricks.

I’m not saying that my take on depression has “cured” me. I am saying that now I realize that I have a LOT more control than I thought I did. I found out that I have the power to “tame” the monster. And slowly but surely, inch by inch, year by year - I am learning new and even better “breadcrumbs” to leave for myself.

I’ve come up with a lot of theories about how to get rid of it and what it is over the years. I’ve tried a lot of different things.

Here is my 10 rule recipe:

1. Choose how many hours of night you believe your body needs to function “properly”. This can be anywhere from 5 to 9 hours per night. 90% of the people I know need about 7 hours. Missing a day of doing this is the same as missing a day of taking your meds. It will mess you up for days.

2. ALWAYS go to be at the same time and wake up at the same time. Missing a day of doing this is the same as missing a day of taking your meds. It will mess you up for days.

3. NEVER consume sugar or caffeine in any form including alcolhol. Read the labels. If ANYTHING says caffeine or ends with the letters “ose” avoid it. This includes milk which contains lactose.

4. NEVER consume anything with flour.

5. Choose one day per week to eat and drink WHATEVER you want and throw rules 3 and 4 out the window.

6. Eat at least 5 simple meals per day. Use oatmeal, apples, bananas, and beans as your primary source of carbs. Use beef, fish and poultry as your primary sources of protein. Use flax oil for fat.

7. Get at least a half hour of sunshine on your face and body every day. (2 to 3 hours a week) Never allow your skin to sunburn.

8. Don’t ever reduce the mg. of your meds without telling your doctor and your closest friends and family first. Ask them to watch you and tell you what they notice.

9. Run and lift weights DAILY. Do this at the same exact time every day. (Best in the morning) The human body was designed by evolution to run. Just like a horse. Imagine a horse that stopped running. We have been chasing food and running away from predators for a very long time before recorded history. Our bodies look the way they do because they are designed to run. If you don’t use the muscles you need to run your body will think it’s time to start dying. DO NOT PUSH YOURSELF for the first 90 days. The first 90 days are only about building the habit. If you care about the quality of your life, this is something you should be doing every day until you go to your grave. Just show up and build the habit for the first 90 days.

10. Buy the book “Depression is a choice” by AB Curtis. and also “The Power of Your Subconsious Mind”. These books will teach you specific techniques to address the spiritual aspects of healing and how to reprogram and train your mind. This is the most important rule of all. Read these books.

If any of this actually works please let me know at JamesLorenRobinson@gmail.com

And No. I’m not manic right now. I am however single. Go figure.

Brooke: So sorry to be so late responding. I just saw your question about how I know when I am hypo manic. Basically, I have euphoria; increased energy despite sleeping only about 3 hrs.; I join every group or club that I am the least bit interested in & get overly involved to the point where I rise to the top (as in president or chairman) very quickly–even ended up on TV for one of my “crusades” as my husband calls them; I get fixated on some kind of cause & can’t let it go; I have physical feelings of adrenaline coursing through my body (like a cocaine rush–which I did use a few times when a teenager); increased self esteem (never a strong point for me); exercise for many hours to the point of getting injuries (2 knee surgeries & one foot surgery due to overuse);increased intensity of sexual response; calling, emailing or writing people I haven’t spoken to in years & they wonder what the heck I am contacting them for; overspending (like an $800 vacuum cleaner, gold-plated tweezers–surely a necessity, buying a top in all colors available); thinking all my ideas & opinions are right & actually brilliant & will not back down from them; over-talkative…

Very social (life of the party). Actually think my husband (& I definitely do) prefer me when hypo manic. When not, I am unmotivated, feel sluggish, low self-esteem, “drop out of life”, isolate myself…

But after a few mos. of hypo mania I can quickly drop into a severe depression leading to overdosing on my meds.