Bipolar disorder affects more than the individual who has it – it affects everyone it touches, especially family members, and can in turn be affected by the words and behaviors of others. In my family, for example, when my wife starts cycling into mania, I tend to get depressed. Our son becomes borderline abusive. Our daughter gets confused and defensive. All of our reactions seem to feed into the bipolar, worsening the mania.
Even though we all know what’s going on, what we should and shouldn’t say, what we should and shouldn’t do, we seem to get sucked into this bipolar vortex.
If you’re a member of a bipolar family, how do your family dynamics change in the midst of depression or bipolar disorder? Have you discovered any effective strategies for dealing with changes in family dynamics?
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My significant other has bipolar manic depression and so do his sister and son and possibly his grandson. We have been together going on 7 years and he has had NO spells of bipolar disorder since we have been together. When he, or his son get on the road to possible trouble, I step up to them, talk very very calmly and tell them it is not going to do any good to blow up, it gets them nowhere and that the ones that are upsetting them know what buttons to push; and is that what they want? “to give them that power and take it from them?” You’d be surprised how fast it calms the situation and then I tell them that they have others who count on them to be there and if they go off on a rant, they will be away from them when they need them here- meaning family-especially the kids 11 and 12. As long as you treat them calmly and use realistic day to day sources and not invent reasons to not go off, they calm down and are okay. I know they neither one have has a spell since we’ve been together. The son spends more time with family, stays away from the bad influences that feed the mania, and things are good most times. When they start to mount, I intervene. Life is good. Thanks, Deanna
My mother went untreated for her bipolar disorder and my younger sister has it also. Mom’s mania’s were not happy, it was white hot rage with physical and psychological abuse. Her depressive moods were days on end locked into her room threatening to kill herself while her 5 terrified children under the age of 10 begged her to open the door. Dad was an alcoholic who escaped into his career. The effects of this experience are so devastating, even to this day as a 47 year old wife and mother. Now, as mom ages into dementia, her manic moods are horrible! Forgive me for saying this, but I pray that in death she will receive the gift of peace that she never claimed in this life. Bipolar disorder is a family affair!
Ex-Bipolar Buddhist
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I am a journalist who spent 12 years wrongly diagnosed as being bipolar. I suffered from depression but was pegged as BP. In the years that followed, many psychiatrists failed to recognize that I did not fit the basic diagnostic criteria. I am a patient now under a doctor who compared my treatment to being “carpet bombed” by drugs I didn’t need and that made me worse.
Read my blog at http://thebipolarbuddhist.blogspot.com/
Recently my wife was exhibiting some early signs of an impending manic episode. When I suggested that she visit her doctor, she became defensive. I think she was afraid the doctor would send her to the hospital as had happened last year at about this same time.
I mentioned that by going to her doctor now she would have more control over the outcome and which medications she would be prescribed. If she waited until this turned into full-blown mania, other people would be calling the shots. This seemed to strike the right chord with her. The next day, she made an appointment to see her doctor.
My now ex wife and I were together 10yrs was diagnosed at about 9 years into our relationship,unfortunately us having a child made the symptoms permenently unbearable for myself and impossible for me to be around her(the constant figeting and always yapping nonsense about this and that no consistancy or focus). The disorder explains alot about what I had been tormented with all those years the torturous nights of arguing and abuse I tolerated can scarcely be explained here,I let her alienate me from my family and friends,I let her take away my dreams and what I enjoyed doing for many years before I met her,I feel worn out mentally still from trying to keep up with her.I wish I could have even a small part my life back before because she will always continue to be an embarrasement to me and my daughter(she doesn’t like her mom coming to school because her friends stare at her heavily medicated momther and heavily over medicated new boy friend) I’m so glad I have full custody thank God.The self absorbed self centeredness of the disorder and the horribly poor judgements made in the all too frequent manic moods.I plead with anyone who gets married to learn as much as possible about mental disorders to watch for the signs in your potential mate and be very careful who you trust your life and your potential childrens lives.I hope someday I may recover from the ruins of that relationship and find another but I think I have a decade or two before that can happen if at all. I probably will never completely trust a woman in a relationship sense again.I’m going to go cry in my pillow now bye bye.
My mom is bipolar and refuses to get treatment. In her manic state she has rage fits that last several hours of screaming and verbally attacking me or my dad or both. Over and over and over again. To the point were I started to believe what ever infliction I caused her was true. There was never a mention of the disorder or an apology; it was my fault. I grew up with a very warped sense of what is normal and what relationships are. I disconnected my self from my family from an early age living my “relationships” with my family merely as a sequence of actions. In my teenage years developed an eating disorder because I had very low self esteem and need for control over my life. Now almost 10 years after I have moved out of the house I still struggle with relationships and find it extremely difficult to trust people enough to care about them. So when I read all these articles about supporting family members with Bi polar disorder and forgiving them its really hard for me to be empathetic. At a certain point people with bi polar disorder need to take responsibly for their disorder and attempt to control it.
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