If you love him, love him through it. Don’t tolerate abuse to yourself. Slowly urge him to get treatment. I don’t know why but myself being bipolar, it was very hard to accept that I had a “disorder.” Its like waking up one day in a wheelchair and wondering how you got there. As a man I am sure it is a large blow to his masculinity as well. The hardest part for me was finding someone who would stand by me through it all. You always expect people to run from you. Maybe not immediately, but eventually it feels like “they all leave anyway” so who cares? Let him cry, be happy with him. Go see a counselor for yourself if possible about living with someone with bipolar and then urge him to attend with you. It’s hard to find someone youre comfortable talking to as a typically developing person, but with paranoid thoughts, and thoughts you’re ashamed to tell anyone in the world.. it’s especially hard. All I asked was to find someone to LOVE ME THROUGH IT ALL. The fact that he has been doing that is what keeps me going. I find that my depression is less severe when he is in good spirits, and my anger is easier to control. Though I still have episodes, he helps me through it. I have a mom who is just the opposite- when i am depressed she uses what she calls reverse psychology and makes remarks like “call me when youre back on your meds” and “what did you fall off the BP wagon again?” These do not help, they only make me less likely to talk to her and angrier. Read as much as you can about the disorder as well, get to know what the symptoms and signs are and what stressors cause them. It takes an EXTREMELY STRONG PERSON, to live with someone with bipolar disorder, an untreated bipolar is even more difficult. It’s a long road and requires effort. Give 100% as much as you can, and urge him to do the same… you may see him change over time and reluctantly get help. Even reluctantly getting help is better than not at all. It’s a very complex disorder. From my experience I can tell you I have been at the computer for about an hour now trying to accomplish something, and don’t remember what it was now. I get in my car and pull out of the driveway and wonder if a deer ran out in front of me and I hit it would its hooves come through my windshield and crush my skull, and would I be strong enough to hold the deer from kicking my children in the back if the deer didn’t die on impact? I wonder where my boyfriend is and who he is with, when I know he would never do anything to hurt me because he is such a good man. I wonder who is talking about me behind my back. I wonder when someone looks at me if I have “BIPOLAR LUNATIC” printed on my head in big red letters. A lot of racing thoughts, paranoia, sadness, anger, and then there are times I run around the house like Mary Poppins singing while I clean. I generally make a larger mess than I had to start with, because I have the greatest intentions of doing more in depth cleaning and usually accomplish little to nothing. Having someone who understands it, and pitches in and helps me get it done in an organized manner helps me, of course I know sometimes it irritates him.. at least I think it does.. We get it all done and it all works out in the end. I strongly urge you to get help for yourself too, you will need it. My boyfriend thinks its a lame disorder that anyone can beat if they really want to, I have tried to explain it to him… I think he projects that mentality to me to keep me from feeling so weak and out of control, but I wish he would go talk to a psychiatrist about me or with me too, just to help him deal with everyday life with me.. I wish you luck, sorry if this wasn’t much help.

My story is this:
I met this amazing man over a year ago. Shortly after we met he became very ill. During this time, he retreated from life as he knew it, family, friends, his work etc. Unaware as to what was going on in his life, I reserved myself to the fact he was gone from my life, never to be heard from again. Then about 7 months later he reappears.I made the conscious decision at that time never to lose him again. Little did I know he has bipolar along with ptsd a few other MI’s.
Regardless, I love this man with all that I am and have promised, no matter what that I am here for him, will never hurt him or abandon him and thats exactly what I am doing. Yet, during the past few months of our live in relationship, he has cycled at least 2 times. Packed up things and taken off without any notice. Withdrawn into a non verbal exsitsance.
He has no insurance therefore the ‘proper’ meds he needs are not being taken. I cannot get him to the clinic nor to fill out paper work for state aide. I am at a lost.
He has been bipolar with MI all his life and therefore understand the illness. He has even ‘ran’ from me telling me his fear is that in time I will grow not to like or even love him. He is well aware of the complications of his illness.I have reassured him over and over that no matter what, I will not abandon him.
I suppose my whole thing is this;
Am I enabling him with the type of support Im giving him? Am I helping his MI by almost coddling his actions? I do not know.
I have educated myself as much as I can over the past months, yet even with that I feel like a muddled mess on any given day that his MI creeps its ugly head.
Any advice or suggestion are more then welcomed.
Thank you.

I have been in a relationship for 8 years with a man who has bipolor, personality disorder, etc… Its been the hardest 8 years of my life. We have been though alot together and its not ever easy. Oh there has been good times but it seems like they are overshadowed by the bad times. I try and be helpful but that backfires on me too. I try and be “removed” and then he says I don’t care. I do care, I just need to shut myself down to keep from having all the pain consume me and make me crazy.

He doesn’t go to see anyone regularly and his meds in my opionion don’t give him the help he needs.

He can be so loving one minute and the next bite my head off. Its very stressful. The things he says to me and the way he treats me and I try and be understanding. But if I ever treated him like he treats me I would never hear the end of it. I don’t have anyone to talk to and I feel so alone.

I know he feels bad but its hard to understand how someone can do the things he does over and over again. You would think he would get tired of it. I know I am.

Based on my experience If I had it to do over again I would never had let the relationship last this long. I should have left a long time ago but I love him and wanted to be there for him and support him but in the end its just not ever going to get any better. I would not wish this on anyone.

I can do or say the same thing 99 times and it doesn’t bother him and then the 100 time, its the worst thing in the world.

I’m not perfect but he holds me to a higher standard that he holds him self. I didn’t do this right, I can’t do that, etc… But he needs me to write the checks, take care of the food and house etc… I even take the trash out every week.

His father died when he was very young and got he got picked on by kids in school. I am sure all of these things are a part how this effects him now and I am understanding but it just takes so much out of my soul I have nothing for me, my family or my kids (grown now).

I run late alot, he tells me its because I don’t want to be with him, I say no, I just am a person who is late to everything has nothing to do with you.

I have tried so many things that I am out of options - I either stay and continue the treatment I get or leave. I know I would be better off if I leave but I worry about what will happen to him. He says he hates needing me so badly but then treats me badly - gee why would I want to stay if that was the case.

I wish things were different. I wish the good times outweighted the bad. I wish we could be happy most of the time.

I have given so much of myself to him and his business (self employed)and sometimes I feel like I don’t get anything in return.

so dysfunctional - its not good for either of us.

I just find all of this so sad. I have tried for 17 years and just couldn’t any more. My bipolar spouse would not go for treatment or any kind of help. I tried to “love him through it ” as Kris said, but in the end it was too difficult for me and the kids. Now 2 years later I am still trying to make some sense out of it all, still trying to get it out of my system and still wishing it could all turn out differently.

I have a bipolar son. I have failed him. I thought that I was doing the right thing by standing by him through all of the legal issues that came about. It started at 14 with an altercation with another student at his freshman homecoming football game. This was supposed to be the start of such a wonderful time in his life. The fight happened and no charges perceded immediatley after. 6 months later my son was in front of a judge to determine his fate for this occurance. He was placed on probation for 18 months. I could not believe that my son with no record of any police contact this was happening. I stood by him and defended him through every mistake. By his sophmore year of high school he was sent to a alternative school for children with behavoir problems. In all of this he was on medication and phsch visit. Maybe not the right ones, he was still not diagnosis as biopolar.
Time went on with more of the legal system and I making excuses for my childs behavoir.
4 years later he was finally off of the parole, after time of being incarcerated. I new lease on life for him.
2 weeks later he was destructive and obligirant to rules, all to my fault.
At this point I failed my son and kicked him out of my home.
I do not understand what he is going through, I cannot get through to the son I know and I love.
I am weak and this is a strong thing I fight to deal with.
Judge me as you will but I know nothing different that my son is bipolar and I cannot help him

The most important thing for all of us who ’support’ loved ones with BP is to make certain we have our own support. It is difficult to openly talk to people, even our closest friends about any of this because a majority of people do not understand the disorder and honestly feel that the behaviors are something that the ‘person’ does, not the MI. Which in reality to a certain degree is correct but i am learning that when one has BP sometimes the brain gives them no choice even though it seems somethings are premeditated, such as running off for days (taking personal belongings-which is the main one with mine)
Anger will not get anything accomplished as far as being able to ‘reach’ my loved one when he does such irrational actions. I am choosing to continue to support him, love him and let him know verbally and in actions that even though some of the things he does hurts and are not acceptable that no matter what I am the one who will not abandon him. This is where the support comes into play more so then anything.
Our loved ones did not ask to have BP no more then those with any other type of illness.
We cannot chose our children or whom we fall in love with, these are both something that a higher power controls yet when we our in lifetimes where we are supporting them the way we do on a daily basis we have to have support ourselves, if not we will become ill, both physically and mentally.
Keep posting, keep talking, keep loving and supporting, but above all, keep reaching out.

My life sounds just like Heather,and I am in a very difficult place right now.My self esteem is at a record low,and I do not know if, and how our marriage is ever going to survive this disorder.We have been together for 13 years,and married for 6.I love my husband SO VERY much and I do not want to lose him,but how do I find the strength to continue?Is this a lost cause?Am I fighting a losing battle?I know I cannot change him,and he is such a wonderful ,caring person,but at the moment he is on such a high,he seems to think he is indestructable and doesn’t need me.He is even testing my limits by saying things like,”if you want me to leave,just say so and I will”,and the second I am not his “stepford wife”,he explodes,and wants a divorce.We have been through hell these past 2 years,I had a miscarriage,my cat died,his mother tried to commit suicide(also bipolar),he started gambling,he wasn’t earning money for this time either,he cannot work with money,I have to be in control,or we’d never have any electricity.We are going to see a counsellor,I hope with all my might that he can help us.

cat. your message is really powerful in showing how the disorder affects family and loved ones. i think it is really important even crucial that YOU (without hubby) seek some help and support from counselling, support groups etc…to learn how to cope with this. You have so many issues accumulating..grief of cat, miscarriage etc…you cant be expected to deal with this on your own..you dont have to.it is difficult at first to reach out because of shame, embarrassment or loyalty to your spouse but it is SO HELPFUL. you’re not alone in this. every bipolar has a family or loved ones ..they all go through what you are going through. for YOUR sanity and YOUR spirit to survive.. get some support. all the best

I am a teenager suffering from bipolar. Since the time i was twelve, I was aware that my feelings were unlike many other “normal” children my age. I understand that my opinion may not hold a very high point of authority in your minds but, I would like to try and offer some insight. My mind is not cluttered with the stress of having a bipolar spouse, on top of worrying about bills, children, a career, ect. So, I may be able to help in some way.

When dealing with ANYONE suffering from bipolar, you must ecknowledge that they are like a teenage in many ways. Although the “teenage tendencies” may not always be present, however, in most cases, during a session of mania, these qualities are usually very distinct. I am sure that when dealing with a spouse with a condition you can not always relate to, it is frustrating. Although sympathy is always present, it is easy to get overwhelmed, sad, and even angry.

WHAT YOU HAVE TO KEEP IN MIND IS:
-a bipolar person, no matter what age, needs to know that they are needed. that they make a good impact on you, and the people they care about.
-during manic sessions, the suffering person will say, and do things that you probably did when you were 17. this is not that person, this is their mind, taking over their body in a way, and acting out as to release anxiety, stress, or emotional discomfort.
-absolutly nothing is personal. granted, if your husband comes home and hits you, and later says he was “manic”, you should show his “manic” ass where the door is. however, certian activities in which you feel discluded, often times is just a bipolar persons act of self advocating. doing something for yourself, by yourself, and the gratification is a very, very powerful feeling, especially during a manic session.

WHAT I SUGGEST IS:
-people with bipolar partners, sign up for a yoga class, reserve money for a weekend of shopping, take an online course. have some activity that you can do when your partner is manic. this will help give you a stress free environment, and give you a sense of gratification, this way you will not constantly be critizing yourself, or your partner.

-go to a therapist, or a group therapy which targets this type of situation. the groups ARE out there. this will give you an outlit to share your feelings, and seek productive feedback. often times, when feelings are held in, people will burst, and this could lead to a much more stressful situation, which isn’t healthy for anyone.

-talk to your partner. the person you love is not gone, think of “mania” as, a screen of “teenage angst” that has overwhelmed your partner. talking to your partner will not always help, sometimes it won’t even make the transition to a full conversation. however, during “manic sessions” people are often more willing to share, maybe a troubling problem, stress at work, an idea for a productive activity, something.

I am not a doctor, but I know people. And I know that patience is hard to maintain, especially when bipolar seems like a never ending cycle. The best thing you can do is help yourself and support your partner. BUT, you must remember that your partner is not YOUR “problem” to fix. Nor, should they take any amount of your strength from you. The absolut best thing that you can do, is stay strong, and take care of YOURSELF. Eventually, your partner will help themselves too.

Wow, I am dating someone who I think might be bipolar. Everything sounds like him. so loving one moment and the next no matter what I do it’s not right. He can be so negative, very much a half empty glass. He apoligies when he seems to “return to normal”. Nothing ever seems good enough for him to be stable…always an excuse to be unhappy. I love him and we have been together for over a year now. He has changed a lot since we met, quit smoking, doesn’t drink as much and talks to his family more. I just don’t think I can be in a realtionship that is so negative. My self esteem is getting lower and I’m ired of crying. He is having less good times and more bad. I’d like him to go to the doctor but I don’t think he will. I know he loves me but I went through a lot in my youth and just want an easier life now. Is there anything that I can say that will help make him go to the doctor?

No one can say for sure what will “make” him go to see a doctor. But, perhaps, when he is in a GOOD mood, try to discuss it with him. Make sure that you do not target HIS negativity, but the negative impacts that the disease is having on him. Try to maybe shoot him an e-mail with some of the symptoms while he is at work. Also, I tried taking Omega 3 fishoil, it in no way has the equivilant effects of bipolar medication, but maybe if you start taking the vitamin for a “healthier way of living” and have him take them with you, it can help his mood. It’s worked for hundreds of people in increasing positivity, energy, and even treating a bit of depression. In the worst case scenario, Omega 3 won’t work and he’ll just have a few vitamins in his system. Good luck!

hi there,
i have been going out with a guy with bi polar for nearly 5 years now, we are in a long distance relationship and have been through so much together,his family have never treated him correctly, and as a result he moved out. He and i love each other so much and he is the first boyfriend i have ever had (i’m 19 and he’s 21), I have a lot of family issues myself and often find it really difficult to juggle everything on top of college, i just want whats best for him but he never seems to believe i care no matter what i try to do, i know this isnt “him” talking but its so hard to tell sometimes, i have become quite ill and i barely eat because i worry so much about how to deal with this problem, and when i do its too overwhelming and i become distant to everyone. I really need to know how im supposed to help him when he says these things to me as nothing i say works, i need him to know how much i adore him, i adore him more than anything and will most likely marry him one day, how can i make him see what hes doing? How can i understand better, i try so hard to understand him but its all so confusing as i have never had to deal with this first hand, my brother has it too but he left home when i was 6 so i wasnt old enough to really understand it. I have done the research but none of it seems personal enough to really offer any help. Please can someone help me as im desperate and really don’t want to lose the one guy that i really love. Thank you

My wife had a psychotic episode about 7 years ago. She went to a massage therapist who started doing some ‘healing’ with her.This went on for about two years. She ended up seeing angels,and other things and was convinced she had to go preaching the word of God in public places and that this would take her away from her family. She ended up in hospital. I asked for support for both myself and 2 daughters but got no help from the psychiatric services. My wife was on a lot of medication, including lithium. This was reduced slightly over a period of time after leaving hospital. She then developed an alcoholic problem which lasted for about 4 years. During this period she was often very abusive(not physical) towards her children. She would have been a good mother in the past but now her parenting skills went out the window. She then got involved with a religious group and alcohol was no longer a problem. She has put all her energies into this religious group - going off to religious events for weekends. On most days she would go off in the morning and I mightn’t see her again until late at night. The people in the religious group have told her that she doesn’t need to be on medication and as a result she has forced her psychiatrist to reduce her medication. She overspends and owes a considerable amount of money at the moment. I have never got a definite diagnosis but bipolar has been hinted at. Initially I did go with my wife on her visits to the psychiatrist but after a while she would not allow me to go with her. Her moods are very erratic. If she has a row with the children it is always my fault. She takes responsibility for nothing and is always blaming. She goes through a considerable amount of money every week and gets abusive towards me because I won’t give her more. When my wife is with the religious group and other friends she is quite happy. It is normally when she is at home that the erratic behavior is experienced.She is adamant herself that there is nothing wrong with her. Any help or comments to deal with this would be welcome.

Hi Everyone!

Thank you so much for sharing. I hope I don’t offend anyone but I am really in need of some support, even if this may not be bipolar.

I myself believe that I may be dating someone who may be bipolar or other. In the past, I had suggested that he may be bipolar (from the constant cycles) & got verbally reamed.

I’ve noticed the cycles always go from happy/normal, to edgy/mad/angry, to depressed/alone/poor me, then back to happy/normal.

He is very self absorbed, always the hero in anything he does, always the “trendsetter”, is awesome at everything, smarter & better at everything then specialists themselves. I should’ve known something was wrong 6 months into the relationship but here I sit 4 years later, crying & madly in love.

He grew up in a physically abusive home and is very intelligent.

I was wondering if any of you have noticed recurring “triggers”?

Everyone is always out to get him. Everything is always an “attack” on him. Even stupid things like a Drs office mis-scheduling an appointment, people asking more of him at work, the post office accidentally loosing his mail.

Any mistake I’ve made gets brought up a million times as me not being there for him. I don’t answer 1 phone call out of a 100 & it turns into me not being there for him when he needed me.

He’s always depressed, tired of doing his daddy duties, and always grumbling.

But, here’s my confusion:

He doesn’t spend money as they described. He’s not sexually active, he pretends to be nice & “happy” around others (i believe this is when he’s not manic) but when around myself & others he doesn’t know, he’s his normal self. Every conversation has to be a challenge.

Now that I am making more $ then him & my job requires more responsibilities, he claims that I’m busy with work & don’t have time for him..?? But I don’t work at home!! We have the same hours and it does not cut into any of his time. Oh, and during working hours he calls me at work to keep me on the phone for up to 2 hours. If I say I have to go, he gets upset as if we only spoke for 5 minutes. This also means that I don’t think what he has to say is important…but I’m at work??!!

When I think he’s having a “manic” moment, I notice if we had plans to do something, he starts yelling at me & creates every bad scenerio of why he thinks I’m going to bail out on him when I haven’t done it once before. This of course causes me to not want to participate after he starts “day dreaming” that my children & I might ruin his plans to have fun. He’s also accused me of being a pedafile, wants to turn me into child protection service (for made up things). He’s also claimed that people called him and started saying terrible things about me.

During his “euphoric” moments, he’ll also have his child participate in pointing out my being overweight and laughing, pointing & teasing me in a public place making me feel really uncomfortable & insecure. How could someone I love make me feel this way??? While the whole time, he claims I don’t do anything to make him feel loved.

He tends to always have the major blowouts over the phone & then decides to email me or call me, wish me the best in life, and at times the “leave me alone”, I’m evil, F…You’s etc… And decides he had enough of my bullshit????

Then a few days of not talking to him, or a few weeks of silence, he calls me saying he’s sick & needs advice. Or he’ll call & say that he found something of mine that he needs to return, or gets his child to call me. But he never apologies for anything.

I always remain calm to avoid any further blowouts.

When I do confide in my friends, they all say that it isn’t me and that something is definitely wrong with him. But I would like to hear that from people who can somehow relate to my situation.

I’ve always been a strong & confident woman but he’s turning me into a very confused & insecure woman. I’m not married and feel that although he was everything I ever wanted in a man, and he completes my circle & makes me happy (except during his highs & lows) I don’t know if its worth it.

PLEASE….If this sounds familiar to anyone, I would like to know that I am not the one who’s crazy. If the items I listed above does not sound like bipolar, I’d like to know also. Because he may just be the meaning of crazy & even that would give me some comfort.

Thank you for your time!!

I wish all of you the best of luck & happiness.

Lena

Lena,

You are not crazy; many (most?) spouses of a bipolar feel this way.

Try setting boundries that cannot be crossed. Name calling was a big one for me.

I’ve always suspected that there was something wrong with my ex-boyfriend mood-wise, mostly because he would slip into these strange angry funks out of no-where for absolutely no reason. My gut impulse when he did this was to hug him or touch his arm and be all “baby what’s wrong?”, but I learned quickly that this did not work with this man. He normally would get even more angry, shrug off my hand and yell “the only thing that’s wrong is that you won’t stop asking me what’s wrong!!”. Eventually I learned to let him stay home or leave or do whatever he wanted to do, because the same man would be at my feet 1-2 hours later hugging me and telling me how sorry he was for being such a jerk. I never took these mood swings personally or got too upset with him (although I admit that sometimes I would lose my patience) because it was so clear that it wasn’t about me and was beyond his control.

We met at a bar in college, and in retrospect I guess there were red flags even then. He was attractive and talkative, and seemed really attached to me for little reason. He called me constantly begging me to go to his house - or to come to mine - but by the time I made the 45 minute journey he would be quiet and strange which made me wonder if it was even the same person. I tried to end it several times early on because I couldn’t figure out what the F was wrong with him, but he would always show up with flowers with such a sweet puppy dog expression that I could never go through with it.

Eventually something changed though. I remember we were driving back from the movies one day and he started making me laugh. Then we went inside and he started telling me about art and sailing and his family and showing me his sculptures, and somehow I fell in love with him. Then we started having sex and it was ALL OVER for me, because he was so brilliant at it I never wanted to leave his side again. Why did it take me so long to fall in love him?? We couldn’t get enough of each other, and must have did it a thousand times, EVERYWHERE, several times a day. We went on vacations and he bought me things, and took me places, and it was probably the happiest time of my entire life.

We broke up when he moved away after college and I was never the same again. Absolutely devestated. I tried to keep in touch and visited him a few times - even considered moving there - but it just didn’t work out. Eventually I found out he had another girlfriend. I couldn’t figure out what happened. He became my “one that got away”.

Fast-forward 7 years later, I am married and I reconnect with my ex on facebook. My ex tells me that he thinks he is psychic because he was just telling a long rambling story about me to someone when he came in and found my request. Yada-yada-yada, he ends up showing up at my door after traveling several states by himself, tries to kiss me and tells me he wants me to go back to him. I’m not going to lie… I was real tempted, but something kept me from doing so, and it wasn’t my husband.

It took me a long time to figure out what it was, but eventually he started writing me emails, and it is very clear that he is Bi-Polar. His emails are full of the most insane manic rantings you have ever heard. He sees shit that isn’t there, and apparently these things influence his behavior (which is the reason he came to see me). The stuff is real disturbing, and when I told him he should see a doctor he told me that it isn’t necessary. He is “at peace now”. Others see the same things. There is no point in moving from his house because he sees these things everywhere. He also describes long bouts of Depression that lasted years, where he barely left bed, and gained massive amounts of weight. He’s not like that now though… he works out all the time and looks the same as he did in college.

Of course none of his other relationships worked out. Wonder why?

So I guess that is closure, right? Especially since he refused to get treatment or even admit there is the slightest possibility that there is something wrong with him, and further because 90% of Bi-Polar marriages end in divorce.

And yet still I can’t stop thinking about him. How sick is that?

I have read the posts and I do know that my boyfriend? (Not sure if he still is) is Bipolar. We have been together for 2 years, off and on. It’s the same cycle. I tell him how much I love him, tell him I am there for him, but…nothing seems to satisfy this. He is very jealous. I can’t have ANY male friends. Even though I’ve known them since my school years. We’ve broken up several times in the past 2 years. He has this anger and hatred for ANYTHING that isn’t what HE thinks it should be. He’s predjudiced against race, political people, rich people…just about anything, I guess. But, he has a warm disposition, compassionate, caring, and loving for those who have handicaps, babies and small children. When he’s in his ‘loving’ mood, we get along famously.

We decided to move in together the first of the year. I did hesitate because of his phases he goes through and for fear he would leave me with a high rent that I couldn’t afford. Well, guess what? 3 months later, he just up and moves out. I had gone to visit my daughter and my granddaughter. I got home and he had moved everthing out. I got out of the lease and moved to an affordable place. Didn’t have any contact with him because I had no idea where he went. Then, one day out of the blue…he emails. Said he was an idiot and he was sorry. He wanted to get back together. Ok, I was hesitant, but, of course, like all of you…I love him. I said, we would give it a try. He came back into my life like nothing had ever happened. But, I can not do that. I had reservations and was trying to protect my heart. I told him I couldn’t just pick back up where we left off as he did. He stayed for about 3 weeks, then, I went to work one day, came home and he was gone. No word. No idea where he was. No way to contact him. I had resolved myself to the fact that he was gone for good. I decided I would move on with my life. I was actually feeling happy again.

Then, one day…an email and a call. Same thing. He said he was sorry and wanted to get back together. Well….he was 1300 miles away! How was THAT going to work? We’ve been emailing, calling, and everything seemed to be OK. He even paid for a ticket to come and visit. It was like old times…I thought. He was looking for jobs for me to come and be with him. THEN, another woman came into the picture. He just stopped talking to me at all. Nothing. I kept calling and emailing trying to figure out what was going on. I was worried because he had told me on one occasion that he was very depressed. So…I took extreme measures. I knew his passcode to his phone, so, I looked at the records. My heart sank. He had been calling this number and texting frequently. He’s NEVER texted me…even when I would text him! So, I called the number. Bad me, huh?

Ok, this woman had no idea who I was…he had never spoken of me other than to say he had an “ex” in MO. FINALLY, I got hold of him. He said that she was just a friend and it was none of her business about “us”.

What I know about him is this…..He formulates friendships with new people ALL the time, and moves around a lot in order to keep up the ‘happy’ side. This woman was someone new and exciting. She, of course, wanted to know all about him. This made him feel important. He could tell all his old stories to someone new. I realize that…I even said I didn’t mind. But, he doesn’t seem to want ME to help him through his manic phases. Even though I try to be ‘up beat’ when he calls….it doesn’t seem to be enough for him. He craves attention, excitement, but, still wants me to be there when all that is over. My heart just can’t take much more. I do think that the 1300 miles has helped ME, though.

I still do not know what I’m going to do. “I” have taken the initiative this time. I’ve blocked his phone numbers from mine. I’ve blocked his emails. So, if he needs to talk to me at all…he will have to make some sort of extreme effort. And, if not….I will be able to move on. Though I still love him….I can’t live with someone who will not let me in! If he would just acknowledge the fact that “I” won’t leave “HIM”! But, instead, he leaves first in order to make sure that it never happens.

By the way…he IS seeking psychiatric help. He’s on medication (when he remembers to take it). It helps whenever he takes it. And, we’re usually just fine, when he takes it. But, I guess when he moved away, he didn’t think he needed it any more.

Sorry for the rambling, but…I can’t afford help. No insurance. So, this blog was a chance to vent.

Thanks! Take care, and God Bless.

My most important suggestion is KEEP YOUR FINANCES SEPARATE. The spending sprees (including gambling, drugs) are impulsive and often not anticipated or predictable. In community property states, debts incurred by your spouse are YOUR responsibility, even if they do it in their own name. Talk to an attorney about how to protect yourself financially, even if it means legal separation or a paper divorce (you don’t have to divorce the relationship). Bi-Polar is difficult enough without having the afflicted spouse drown you in debt. Same for children.
I have two bi-polar people in my life and this is my most important message.

I have a son that is bipolar. He is 30 year old and basically homeless. I tried letting him live with me, but it became unbearable. He get’s a disability check to cover his living expenses, but it is not used for that purpose. He refuses to let anyone help managed his money. He takes his medication sometimes, but not regular. What can I do to help him?

Hi. I am a 35 year old Bi-polar II female. I was recently hospitalized for the 5th time and am now trying to pick up the pieces of the relationship with a man of 40 I have been with for almost a year. I love him and I know that he loves me but he has been acting so differently towards me now that I told him exactly why I have been so moody and negative lately. I go off my meds because I am horrified of the long term side affects….I do really well for awhile and then something triggers me and then it’s like I slip deeper and deeper into a black abyss. Especially when I start to cling to people..especially significant others, for my happiness. I know i need to love myself but I feel like I don’t belong anywhere and I don’t fit it in. I got involved with this man and was happy for the first six months but as I began to get “too emotional and too needy” I could feel myself going under. I am backing off from him to give him time to mull things over and he still calls me almost everyday but we don’t talk about me being Bi-Polar or if we are still in a committed relationship and it really bothers me because I want to know how he feels….I guess i could be direct with him and ask but I think I am afraid of the answer he will give because my self esteem is already at an all time low. I find myself putting on the happy front with him when we talk but feeling scared of his reaction if I was having a bad day.(we haven’t seen each other fo almost a month because he lives far away). Maybe he isn’t the one for me…I honestly don’t know and would love feedback.

I’m Bi-Polar and have been for 17+ years - I sometimes wonder if it is worth living a lie. Please keep in mind I’ve graduated college, have a family, and have held down a job, I take my meds and exercise daily. It would appear that I live in the Land of Oz, a BP success story. But I fear that someone will find out, I’m horrified of going to the pharmacy or having to fill out a medical chart. I know what I am, my immediate family knows but that’s it.
Today I feel like crap and I haven’t the foggiest ideal why- and in a few days I’ll clean the house, the car, wash the dog, pick up my yard and my neighbors yard- and I’ll talk a mile a minute. Yesterday, I bite everyone’s head off or was very harsh. Some days like today I feel like I’m losing it. It’s not easy living with something that you never asked for. It’s even harder for people to poke a prod at people who suffer from BP one day I hope to have the guts to stand up and say hey I’m like that guy you’re poking at. If you live with someone that’s BP it must be love. If you are BP I hope you have the guts not to live a lie.

Hello to all my Bipolar Equals: I have bipolar, and I guess I have known all my life, I just did not have a name associated with it back in the day. It just became part of my personality and who I am. It is sad that there is a self-shame we associate with it, and how we fear what other will say about it. Yes it is especially hard in a relationship. We may not want to clean up for two days or feel that if you say one more word “****.” You know what I mean. You may have low self esteem and be afraid of conflict or very sure of yourself and not want conflict for fear you will loose it. Taking your medication is a must. To the lady that her son did not want to take his meds; crush em up and put in his food or drink. For impulse control–always sleep on it overnight. If you still want to do it then–go ahead. I usually do not. When getting angry–start counting to ten with deep breaths in thru your nose and out thru your mouth slowly. Since 7, I have learned to do things that best work for me. Embrace it, it is part of who you are. Everyone gets moody–men and women. We all, as humans, make us different and stand apart from each other