Comments on: Back to Work with Bipolar Disorder: Part I

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Sat, 19 Jun 2010 03:54:17 +0000

you can be bipolar and have a stable life for me it was having a close relationship with god, reading the bible. I been having it for about 10 years but I have 2 wonderful kids who need me and help me keep going and a husband even thought i have had ups and down with him but im still here. Since I learned that god would always be there for me and asking him for help my life changed. Yes I was one of those persons with Bipolar with suicide thoughts, hospitalized everything name it it happen to me.Yes sometimes its hard and especially keeping a job. But I have accomplish a lot of things. I was about 19 years old when I starded with bipolar.

By: H.S

H.S — Sat, 10 Apr 2010 18:34:55 +0000

I am a 23 year old Egyptian girl who was diagnosed with bipolar disorder 3 months ago.
when I was young, likely to say at the age of 12 to 13, I was such a depressed child.
I was so miserable that I couldn’t defend myself when my friends used to say or do hurtful things. I was always alone, sticking to my parents ( especially my mom ) and extremely vulnerable and sensitive. I didn’t know the reason for all what I was going through at the time and interpreted what was happening negatively on me ( that I was bad looking,ugly, tacky,not fun to be around and easy to be mocked ). i couldn’t reminisce at the time any traumatic events that had happened when i was younger except for my dad who used to beat us ( my brother and I )up brutally when we used to get on his nerves. we were such good kids and i dont remember that there was a time when i was disobedient or spoilt or impolite !
all i can remember is that i have grown up as a scared soul, always afraid of my dad who would beat me up if i ever do something wrong.i cant say that i dont love my dad or that he’s uncompassionate because he really is ! he is so kind when it comes to serious matters and i know that in real hard times he would never let me down ! i just never knew why he did whatever he did and had us grow up scared to death of pissing him off or disappointing him.
at the age of 14 i all of a sudden changed into a mature grown up girl, my body had drastically changed and i turned into a lady !
the noticeable thing was that my puberty features grew on me so fast and without any predisposes, in just 10 days !! can you believe that??? that was the time when i changed from a completely depressed, weak and sensitive child into a crazy, strong adolescent !
the change was beyond belief that my mother couldnt get a hold of me ! she wouldn’t know what i was doing or who i was talking to or anything.
i turned from a complete shy, polite girl into a spoilt brat !!! i remember i used to date more than a guy at a time and was flirting with each and every single man or guy i knew.
as you know that our country in particular and the middle east in general are ruled by severe restrictions and traditions that we can’t break ! and so of course what i was doing at the time was a fundamental blunder in such a country.
i know that this might seem normal to you guys but i’m sure you have seen and known about egypt at least from the movies,books or maybe visits so i just want you to picture yourselves as a girl who should behave in a certain way in a society that doesn’t forgive and this girl is doing everything her way and how people would judge her !
i was in my manic phase i guess which of course i didnt know at the time, but all i know is that i was going completely insane !!!
aside from dating so many guys and making out with most of them, i started smoking as well. i was also so alienated from my parents and from my mom ( to whom i used to stick to all the time ) in addition to treating her like bullshit.
my mom couldnt stand me and was about to lose her mind until i one day knew that guy ( the one and only serious relationship in my whole entire life ).
i started off with him by flirting and by oral sex ( thru the internet and phone), our relationship was such a dirty one and i knew that he wouldn’t think of me as a serious candidate yet i never cared !
when we first started dating i told him that i wasnt seeking marriage or anything and that i didnt have any demands and by the time i feel i didnt want him i would just go and tell him right into his face ! ( of course i didnt know what destiny was holding for me )
when i started feeling that he had really fallen for me i started to get nuts and started hurting his feelings by calling other guys, my ex, lying to him bla bla bla….
the weirdest thing was that after every single time i hurt him, i would work my butt off to get him back !
i didnt know why though!!!!
we spent our first year like that with so many downs ( that were always from my side as he was extremely nice and kind to me )
anyway to make a long story short, I fell for him after a whole entire year. that was when I started feeling that I couldn’t let him go !
I decided to change completely into a good, loving, loyal person. But then it was too late !!!
when I changed he had changed too, but into a horrible creature who enjoyed nothing in life but torturing me. I thought this was my pay back for all what I did to him but then I noticed that it had turned into physical and mental abuse, period. He used to cheat on me, sleep around and flirt with each and every single woman he knew,even though we used to have sex ( and I still want you to imagine what does having sex without marriage in this country mean ) he used to call me names, claim that I was an ugly shameful creature that no one would ever be proud of giving me their names or marrying me.
He humiliated me to the core, and I kept on enduring over and over. what was going through my mind at the time was “why wouldnt he break up with me instead of having to do all that??” that was what was killing me and driving me insane, and at the same time I couldnt let go because I was madly in love with him so I had no choice but to keep holding on to him and enduring the pain!
After 6 years of back and forth pain and misery I decided to let go, but of course after it was too late yet too early to notice the consequences.
I got into a short term relationship after that, that lasted 2 months and that guy was the straw that broke the camel’s back !
He was such a jerk, anyway after this break up I deicided to go off guys completely and I did sometihng that’s completely far from my nature. I hooked up with a girl !!! I dunno how this happened or what went through my mind at the time anyway I just did and ever since then we have been together.
at first i was very loving, caring and giving. then after a while i changed into a horrible person.i started projecting each and every single trauma i have seen on her. I call her names and I sometimes hit her !!
I was cursing and doing outrageous stuff until I went into severe depression. No eating, no sleeping, nothing at all just depression.
I used to cry all the time over nothing and was feeling terrible.
It was when I realized that I had to see a therapist and I actually did.
I went on antidepressants in the beginning and then mood stabilizers. The depression somehow became better but the irritability is increasing day after day. I’m back to phase one when I used to hit her and do terrible things.
I feel that nothing is helping and the psychotherapy in Egypt is not as good and I’m afraid that by the time I change she will have already gone !
I cant afford losing her cuz simply this girl is one of a kind and she has taken from me what anybody else hasn’t !
She did so many beautiful stuff for me and she’s the most caring and helpful person I have ever known !!
Today is the first day for me to ever see this site and read what’s on it.
I was simply surfing the internet for : “bipolar and quitting jobs”
my feeling keeps fluctuating between wanting to work and not wanting to !
I sometimes get panic attacks and feel that im unable to handle the stress of the job. I feel that i want no responsibilities or liabilities.
Today was one of the days that I was having a very hard time at work. Feeling that I don’t wanna work anymore, can’t function and thus wanting to quit.
I really dunno what the right thing is, I’m just scared to rush into a decision and lose everything then regret it later on.
I want someone to advise me and tell me what to do cuz I’m this close from killing myself !

By: Pamela C

Pamela C — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 23:41:56 +0000

Ever since I started working at age 18, I have gone from job to job. I was undiagnosed with bipolar disorder until I was 48 years old. I was a hard worker, especially when manic, but because of the nature of bipolar disorder, I had trouble keeping jobs, especially not getting along with bosses or co-workers. I went to several pdocs over the years, I knew something was wrong, but it was always the depression side that was treated…I loved my highs and didn’t think anything was wrong, so never shared that with doctors. I am also an alcoholic, so life has been pretty much hell. Finally I got really sick. I got in the state system and a very smart pdoc finally diagnosed me. I was so sick I was unable to work anymore. He encouraged me to apply for disability, which I did and was put on disability.

It was 5 years before I felt like trying to work again. I was used to high-stress jobs, which probably explained why I would lose jobs, so I tried to find work as simple as possible, such as housekeeping in a local hospital, or working at home on my computer parttime. I still changed jobs, it’s the nature of the beast for me. Finally I got a job as a home health aide. I had to list the medications I was on, which included psychotropic meds, so I told them I was bipolar. They accepted me! But I have to be very careful not to take on too much work. I only work two 7 hr days a week, then one 5 hour day a week. I just can’t work anymore than that. I need the extra money or I would quit work altogether.

I think it’s wonderful that many bipolar folks return to work, I am on medications that, after many years of trying many meds, work for me to an extent. I have many side effects so can’t take a therapeutic dose, or also they cause physical ailments.

Anyway, I am 62 now, ready to rest, it’s been a hard life, and working just made it worse. I wish anyone returning to work all the luck in the world. Just remember, try an avoid high stress work, or ones that cause triggers, take your meds! and keep in mind that disability is there for a reason if you are unable to work.

By: Back to Work with Bipolar Disorder: Part II | Bipolar Beat

Back to Work with Bipolar Disorder: Part II | Bipolar Beat — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 08:24:29 +0000

[...] Back to Work with Bipolar Disorder: Part I [...]

By: zapf

zapf — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 05:04:19 +0000

A long-time diagnosed BP1 here . You have to be really careful about co-workers, bosses, board members and yourself in this position. MANY people in this competitive environment collect negatives to try to get rid of you, and believe me the world does not look kindly on bi-polars and mental illnesses. I made the mistake of working for a very nasty crazy lady who took my week´s absence for treatment and totally screwed me, turning into another huge depressive crisis. And despite laws, people CAN AND DO get rid of you for mental illness, so in some cases its tough to get legit sick leave.

By: Joe Kraynak

Joe Kraynak — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 13:01:20 +0000

Franz, you must have overlooked the qualifying phrase – “In fact, a disclosure may not always be the best idea.” The truth is that it really depends on the person and the situation. I’ve known co-workers who have been very good about holding discussions in confidence and long-time “friends” who have broken such confidence.

Confiding to a co-worker may have positive or negative results.

By: Franz Kafka

Franz Kafka — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 12:49:05 +0000

Advising someone to confide in a co-worker is not good advice. A co-worker is someone you have probably not known as long as a friend for example. Thus that person’s loyalty is not to you even though you may feel they are trustworthy.