Sometimes I wonder why I end up teetering between a manic episode and a depressive episode.  It really makes no sense.  Maybe it is my meds keeping me on the brink of insanity, but close enough to the sane line that it drives me nuts.

I can feel it coming, I can see it from a mile away.  Well, the mania anyway.  The depression is not so obvious.  It takes about a week before it hits me that I need to raise my antidepressants a little bit, and then I can usually snap out of it.  I wish my husband could be a little more brutally honest when he notices it – but he is so afraid of hurting my feelings he just keeps his mouth shut.  I admire him for trying to protect me but I really wish he could be a little more upfront when he notices the softer mood changes.

10 Comments to
Hanging Out On The Manic Fence

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  1. Hope this helps some…
    use the sugar free stuff….
    I suggest 5 hour energy ….as it is sugar free and
    no crash when it wears off…
    disclaimer….I work for the company that distributes in
    in the warehouse…but I have used it long before working
    there….and it also gets me through the day
    which is full of physical labour.

    If you like your psychiatrist….see them more often.
    if you can….or switch.

    but most important….find some calming music
    put on some headphones…and chill..

    Nothing works better imho than music.
    nothing is worse than 24 hour news.
    Count your blessings!
    sounds like you got a bunch.

  2. I don’t even suggest using it if your bouncing between high and low. It may not work at all or it may backfire. Take one day at a time because if you let your mind lead the way you will be scared because your mind is already scared.

  3. Thank you for sharing your feelings with us! It is highly appreciated. Try to look deeper in yourself. My personal opinion on this matter can be found here: Depression, The psychological epidemic of our times

  4. I think if you can afford it you should see your therapist more regularly. Are there any support groups in your area for your condition and if not can your therapist recommend some sort of out patient help? Sometimes dwelling on what you cant control does no good at all. I know you say youhave no energy but I would recommend taking short walks just to get some fresh air.

  5. plus you mentioned about being worried that you dont have the energy to take care of the house and feel like a bad mother, but im assuming this has happened before and your family knows your condition. And as long as you let them know whats going on, you have to trust that they are there for you and understnd and love you.

  6. your whole family can come together and figure out ways to take some of the burden off you during these low energy cycles.

  7. one more suggestion then im done lol. If your worried about being unproductive due to lack of energy during the day then I suggest what I do sometimes. If there is anything quiet you can do at night when you cant sleep, like dusting, preparing foods for dinner the next day, sweeping, anything you can think of that helps you feel like your contributing helps.

    • Jen, Thanks for all your suggestions. Right now I am visiting so many doctors and surgeons that the copays are killing us financially. unfortunately that makes it nearly impossible to afford to see my therapist at the moment.

      One of the biggest factors right now is my health problems. I am going through a lot of physical pain and dealing with an insurance company denying the procedure to fix it because it is cosmetic, along with the fact that I have to have several other procedures as well. It is very emotionally draining dealing with so many doctors and insurance stuff, along with the normal appointments for my kids.

      Being torn around so much emotionally is taking its toll on me mentally. Im getting a sleep aid today and I am going to see my psychiatrist on tuesday, hoping she has more suggestions for me.

      Exercise always helps me feel better, but even a short walk can cause me to feel so much pain that I am in bed for 2 hours. I am so limited with a stubborn insurance company refusing help.

      Im stuck. I was up until 2 am cleaning up stuff I could do, soaking up the silence, and still didnt fall asleep til about 4am. Cant win.

  8. I understand the whole anxiety regarding surgery. I’m to go in for surgery (possible cancer) on 8/1. My mania over this has manifested that I’ve been irritable to the point of lashing out at everyone and scaring them off. Part of me wants this, but part of me doesn’t, and there’s only so many times one can scare people off before people won’t help you anymore.

    I also take Seroquel. I’m diabetic, so the high sugars aren’t desirable, but I have an understanding endocrinologist that works with me. Eventually you learn how to control it. The Seroquel is mostly helpful, but there’s only so much the meds can do, and I have to resort to DBT – when I’m in my right mind, of course. :)

    • Lisa,
      Thanks for the input, but I have just been diagnosed and the most important thing right now is getting my sugars under control. Once they are under control my endocrinologist will work with me, but for now the number 1 priority is ot get the sugars down. They are getting close to 300 at times, I cant take chances right now with taking meds that can cause it to go even higher.

      I wish you the best of luck for your upcoming surgery and hope the news is good!

      Beth

  9. I just wonder why docs perscribe seroquel to diabetics? Seroquel is known to cause weight gain and being overweight is not good for diabetics!! Oh as for your sexual desires going up and down ..when you’re manic you’ll want more sex. When you’re depressed you won’t want anyone touching you. Do you have a mood chart?

  10. ahh I see. I was wondering what the surgeries were for that you were worried about. I hope the sleep aid helps. My mother in law got on one 4 yeras ago when she had neck problems. She said she loves it! But it can get expensive.I hate insurance companies so i understand your pain there as well.

  11. swimming would maybe be better exercise for you then. But of corse you would have to have access to a pool :(

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