Archives for Happiness


I’m Now on Ritalin – Is This What “Normal” Feels Like or Am I on My Way to Mania?

Through this wild and crazy adventure with Bipolar I have learned one thing: I am a bum. I'm lazy, I procrastinate, I have no focus, energy, or determination.

When a hypo-manic or manic episode takes control though, I am incredibly creative, full of energy and life, and I can really get things done. There is no procrastination, and everything makes sense. I am sharp-witted, smart and so incredible! I love myself so much during a manic episode.

Of course I do, that's what Mania does!

During a casual conversation with my Aunt, she asked me if I had been screened for ADHD. Nope. Never. She then reminded me that I have many family members who have been diagnosed, and posed the question: what if my scattered mind is in fact dealing with some mild form of ADHD?

Hmm. Time to research.

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Do You Think Infidelity Can Cause PTSD?

I personally believe that an individual who is having emotional and/or sexual affairs can cause their partner to suffer PTSD to some degree. My p-doc said something in passing a couple of weeks ago that made me really start to think about how PTSD can come from many sources, not just violence.

After a dream I had last night, I think she is right.

Wait, of course she's right! She is the one with a PhD in psychiatry, and since graduating in 1972, has had a lot of experience. I should have listened closer. I guess that is something we will have to talk about more during my next visit.

There is this one woman from my husband's past who has haunted me since two years after we married. For seven long years this woman haunted my thoughts, until eventually, three years ago, she destroyed everything I knew and loved about my home, life and marriage.

How can one person have so much power over my life?

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Life Is Getting Easier, Yay!

The past few months have been pretty difficult. In fact, the past couple of years have been pretty hard. However, over the past week or so, things have felt a little smoother around here. I don't know if it is the Welbutrin, or just life getting a little better, but I feel pretty good.

My dad and step-mom have had a rough time for the past couple of years as well. I'm that person that worries about everyone else first and myself last. Knowing my dad and step-mom have been having such a tough time has been extremely stressful for me too. I talked to them both yesterday, and was delighted to hear how wonderfully they are doing now.

My step-mom, who was in pretty severe heart failure, has received a clean bill of health. Whew! Also, my dad has moved to a different real estate company where they are very good to him. His previous office was a very shady one (at best) and they were basically screwing him over. He's a very hard working man and always has been, and he deserves respect and finally has it. Yay!

Hearing the joy in my dad's voice last night really gave me a wonderful sense of peace. I no longer feel like I have to worry so much about them, and that feels great. My mom, however, is still over in Germany and isn't doing too good herself. She is homesick and misses everyone, but she should be moving back sometime in the next year or so, which is exciting for everyone. It will be nice when she's home.

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The Bipolar Wife: A Perfect Anniversary!

It has been 8 years now since I said "I Do" to my wonderful husband.  He works so hard to help me stay healthy, and to help keep up with the house and take care of the kids.  I was pondering for more than a week what I wanted to do to make this anniversary better than any other.  I was stumped.

I had no idea what to get him and I had no idea what to do for him.  He always tries so hard to make everything so special for me that I've never really had to worry about being the creative one.  It was harder than I had imagined!

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Welcome Back Mania, Oh How I’ve Missed You!

Is there a "good" side of bipolar? Absolutely.  It's called mania.  Those who suffer from bipolar and swing between severe depression and hypomania learn to love and welcome the mania.  It is why a lot of people who have bipolar end up going off their medications.  Mania feels good.  It is the most amazing natural high one can feel for no reason.  The euphoria is addictive, and dangerous.

I am very limited on the medications I can take, but I do the best I can with the ones I can take.  With mania comes insomnia, incredible energy, increased sex drive, a love for life, feeling incredible about yourself, etc.  Milder mania can be very rewarding and not as dangerous.

With me, I find that I just have a beautiful amount of energy, my house is spotless, the kids are taken care of every day, I cook amazing elaborate dinners, and it seems as if I am just the most amazing woman in the world.  I feel like I can conquer anything and everything that comes my way.  I wish everyone could know how great it feels, so that there could be a much better understanding.  Even though I am pretty well medicated, I still experience mild mania, clinically known as "hypomania," pretty frequently.
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Fourteen and Independant

My oldest who is now 14 is growing up so fast I can hardly keep up.  It's as if a time capsule exploded in my face and I somehow lost 5 years.  I look at him towering over me with his bright green eyes, shaggy hair, and a shadow of lip hair (which he is quite proud of ) and I am amazed at how wonderful he is growing up to be.  He is a young man now!

He has been gone 2 weeks visiting with some of our family out of state.  The kids are in a "year round" school which means they go to school for 9 weeks and have three weeks off, all year.  He decided this "track out" he would take some time and visit with  family.  I think it is great that he values time with family as much as I do.  I will say,  I have been really sad without him around, the house is just too quiet.  We won’t talk about all the extra chores I have had to do though without him being here!

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