My husband and I have had a rough time lately. There has been so much miscommunication, arguing and frustration.

I finally snapped.

I pretty much told him everything that was bothering me and I am not so sure I was very nice about it. I let out a lot of built-up emotions and resentment, and pretty much tore him to pieces.

It is not a moment I am proud of.

The biggest issue with my husband is after something painful happens, he likes to move on and pretend as if nothing has happened and everything is perfectly okay. The problem is it’s not okay, I am not okay. So rather than walk around with all this crap weighing me down, I just let him have it.

He argued like always with his comments of “oh, I am such a bad husband,” which set me off even more. I frequently tell him that this isn’t about “him” as a “husband,” it’s about us and about our issues, and about me and the things that are happening with me. He still continues with his defense: “you just make me feel like a horrible person.” It infuriates me.

Well, our vacation started off a little crappy, but we did our best to make it better. Everything was going pretty smooth once we got over the $80 lost and all other crankiness previously griped about.

My husband was having a very hard time with the stress. I was a little taken back knowing I was the one who was being calm and collected, keeping things in order the best I could. When I finally explained to him that there was nothing we could do to change the things that had already happened he started to settle down some.

We bought tickets on Craigslist for Medieval Times and planned to go Sunday night. We were all very excited, we had gotten a great deal on the tickets. We took the kids to the little strip with shops and such and they got little henna tattoos, and then my husband bought me a cute dress and we went out for a date night later that night. It was nice, I really enjoyed it.

The most fun was watching how many people were totally drunk beyond drunk. I was laughing more at that than anything else! Then leaving, I got a chuckle out of the “cab lines” set up for those drunk people to safely get home. It was a pretty cool system, clearly showing they have a problem with people getting completely wasted there!

The past few months have been pretty difficult. In fact, the past couple of years have been pretty hard. However, over the past week or so, things have felt a little smoother around here. I don’t know if it is the Welbutrin, or just life getting a little better, but I feel pretty good.

My dad and step-mom have had a rough time for the past couple of years as well. I’m that person that worries about everyone else first and myself last. Knowing my dad and step-mom have been having such a tough time has been extremely stressful for me too. I talked to them both yesterday, and was delighted to hear how wonderfully they are doing now.

My step-mom, who was in pretty severe heart failure, has received a clean bill of health. Whew! Also, my dad has moved to a different real estate company where they are very good to him. His previous office was a very shady one (at best) and they were basically screwing him over. He’s a very hard working man and always has been, and he deserves respect and finally has it. Yay!

Hearing the joy in my dad’s voice last night really gave me a wonderful sense of peace. I no longer feel like I have to worry so much about them, and that feels great. My mom, however, is still over in Germany and isn’t doing too good herself. She is homesick and misses everyone, but she should be moving back sometime in the next year or so, which is exciting for everyone. It will be nice when she’s home.

Recovery from such a major surgery has not been easy. I had my follow up this past Monday and things look okay…sort of.

I am having some problems with healing, it hurts and it’s yucky. It’s crazy they talk about risks, but they don’t mention how gross and painful it can be! I’m hanging in there though, as best as I can.

The depression has gotten much better, I am able to do a little more every day. I still can’t lift the baby but at least I can hold him on the couch. He’s been having sleeping problems the past week or so, we’ve been up until 1 am with him – I’m exhausted.

My two year old son has developed an obsession with our iPad. All my kids have loved having it around, but not like him. I’m starting to believe he is better with it than all of us combined.

He can play his cartoons and movies, and any game of his choice. It is a straight -up obsession. No one can use it if he is around, and he knows where we keep it. When he wakes up he has to have his juice, snack and iPad. Isn’t that a shame?

My relationship with my 14 year old son was getting very fragile. With everything he was going through inside, I was very concerned for him. I was also concerned for myself and my ability to keep it together for his sake. I haven’t done too bad.

He moved in with his father 6 weeks ago. So far it is going very well. After speaking to his father’s fiance I have learned a lot about the relationship these two guys are developing. The growth on both sides has been remarkable.

All of his life, my son has craved a relationship with the father he never knew. He was always full of questions about him and I was always avoiding the truth. I would give simple answers like “I’m sorry, I just don’t know” or “well, next time you see him, ask him!” but it was never good enough.

I am so lost and I really have no clue what to do. I’d like to think I always have all the answers in life but sometimes I’m left speechless and feeling helpless. This is one of those times.

There is a girl that my oldest son was good friends with that lives up the road from us. She’s a great girl and spends a lot of time here with me and the kids. Her and I have gotten pretty close. My son had told me of times her family has been abusive toward her and how angry it made him, but teenagers can sometimes blow things up to be more than they are. I started paying attention, and what is happening is hurting me deeply.

She was over last night telling me about the things she is experiencing at home. Her mother slaps her around, and her older brother and younger sister beat her up. She’s a very kind girl with a very soft heart, and from what she says she has turned into their own personal punching bag. My heart breaks for her.

When my autistic little sweetheart was born a couple weeks earlier than expected weighing a healthy 7 lbs 4 oz, I had no idea what that new little guy of mine was going to teach me about life and love. I am blessed.

I remember when I was in the hospital loving and adoring my new baby, he was perfectly adorable in every way just as my other three children were. He had fat little cheeks and a tiny pointy chin, an itty bitty nose and fat little thighs. He was my adorable little chipmunk.

When I brought him home from the hospital I began to feel differently about him. He was a “special” kind of different but I couldn’t put my finger on it and I certainly didn’t understand it. I just knew, he was “special.” He never really cried much unless the house was too chaotic or it was bath time. He was very happy to be alone in his swing or his bed, and didn’t really like much fuss. He was so…different.

At 20 months we received the diagnoses: Autism.

I don’t know what hurts more right now, my eyes or my heart. It has been so long since I cried this much.

My son called my mother and told her a bunch of lies – she believed him. Since he was born she’s always been sticking up for him, constantly telling me how I’ve done it all wrong. This is coming from the mother who left us with my father when I was four.  She married a man and moved away, tried to have a baby with him, while taking us for visits with her only a couple times a year. This from a woman who never gave me an example of how to be a mother.

Through it all, with no example and nothing to show me how to be a mother, I still prevailed and did the best I could. I was already one up on her by raising my son. When I was 13 and went to live with her she sent me right back to my aunt’s because her husband left her and she couldn’t take care of me – because her husband left her.

Wow.

My oldest son started high school today.  That was hard for me to see him so grown and mature, ready to conquer high school.  I was up at 5:30 (my body woke me) and was able to kiss him goodbye and wish him luck on his first day of high school.  It just tears me to bits seeing him growing so fast.

He’s doing much better these days since I cut him off from everything.  I took it all away – video games, friends, his social life.  I committed the ultimate social slaughter on the kid to prove a point.  It worked and he’s been coming around again as his old sweet and down to earth, level headed self.  Way to go me!

Well, I believe I have found the source of his aggression.  His friend down the street.  Honestly, I don’t know for certain that this kid is the root of the evil he experienced, but I wholeheartedly believe it played a major role in what he was going through.  I read a post recently talking about toxic friendships, and I started paying attention to his friends a lot closer.  I was shocked at what I was able to see when I really opened my eyes.