I have never had a hard time talking to my oldest son about sex. It has never been this huge hush hush subject. We are very open with him about everything.
Unfortunately, he is turning 16 next week and all that talking and open honesty hasn’t been as effective as I had hoped it would be. He has sex on the brain, and I don’t know how to approach it.
I am good friends with his girlfriends mom, and we talk a lot about how we will approach the sex thing when the time comes, and it appears the time is near and we are both just sorta going “Uhhh, what’s next??”
Last night as I was driving home, I saw him walking up from her back yard. Her parents were not home and they know the rules. He tried to lie to me telling me he had found a shortcut to his friends house, but I knew that was crap and I called him out on it. It is not hard to know when he is lying. He tells on himself through his actions.
Just a couple of days ago, my sons girlfriend confided in me that his friends have told her if she doesn’t have sex with him he will break up with her. C’mon, seriously? My son is turning into that guy? Oh goodness. Not my son. I cant have this. His father was that guy, and I don’t want him to be that guy. He is better than that guy!!
I stressed to her as hard as I possibly could that her virginity is something that she needs to hold on to, and that every single guy from now on will try to get it from her. I know I was just echoing what her mother has told her, but still I had to try!
These two have had their make-out sessions and some time to be stupid before we figured out they were up to no good. Their hormones are going bonkers and my son is thinking with the wrong head. My son has turned into a typical, nasty, horny teenage boy and I hate it!
I left the tough task to my husband. He was a teenage boy once, he can relate – right? Well, no. Apparently it’s tough for him to address this too and it makes him very uncomfortable. So what now?
All these kids at school talk about sex, everyone is doing it, everyone loves it, and no one can be honest about it! Everyone says what everyone is supposed to say, and it’s so frustrating!
I wish these kids would listen. I didn’t listen, I was 14 when I decided I wanted to have sex and it took many years before I understood what it was about. I cant expect my son to be much different than me. He is stubborn, very hard headed, strong willed, and very independant. He always has been and those are traits I try to work with. Right now, however, I wish he could just understand that sometimes parents really are smarter than them.
At this point I cant be naive. I know that he is going to do what he wants to do whether I agree or not. I also know that I have to protect him and to do that I need to give him as much information as possible and hope he makes good decisions. I am not going to continue to be that parent who says “Oh my son wont have sex” and then boom he’s gotten someone pregnant.
I guess now it is time to arm him with protection instead of words. Dammit.
Teenage boy photo available from Shutterstock
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Last reviewed: 11 Jan 2013