During previous acute episodes of severe depression and anxiety the only medication that has worked to pull me out of it is Effexor. I have tried many different medications for depression but nothing has the same result as Effexor has previously.

I am not very happy about it, but right now the positives outweigh the negatives by far.

Stopping Effexor was the best decision I could have made because it had become useless and was throwing me high and low constantly. It is well known to trigger manic episodes in those who are bipolar. It’s a nasty medication with nasty side effects and nasty withdrawal, but what I am dealing with is nastier.

Where do I begin?

The kids were being wild and I was a little stressed. I was trying to get them settled a full hour after bedtime had come and gone. They just wouldn’t settle down. What could I do?

After shuffling my youngest into his bed for the 3rd time, my 8 year old son quietly mumbles from his room “mommy, can I get another kiss?”

Absolutely! I go into his room where he is anxiously waiting for another kiss with a slight smile on his face. I lean in and he grabs me around the neck, waiting for the shower of kisses I often give him on his chubby 8 year old cheeks. I knew what he wanted so I started giving him quick kisses all over his little face.

I told him how much I love him and how he is a wonderful kid. I also told him how much he makes my life better and how lucky I am that God gave him to me to love and raise. I kiss him again, probably a dozen times, and tuck him tightly into his bed. Then he grabs my hand, looks at me with those beautiful carolina blue eyes and says “mommy, I love you so much! Thanks for those kisses – they really are magical!”

My kisses are magical. Ahh, how wonderful. A smile and a tear later I shut the light off and head into the hall when I hear another little voice with the same request, “mommy, can I have a kiss too?”

I was at Kohls with a friend on Friday finishing up my Christmas shopping when I heard about the shooting in Connecticut. My husband texted me “did you hear about the school shooting?!?” Instantly I started freaking out. My son is in high school and two little ones in elementary school, one in 3rd grade and one in kindergarten.

I said no, and asked what happened. It felt like an eternity before he responded to me, and I thought it was one of our schools. Then he told me that a number of small children had been shot in Connecticut. Fighting the tears was impossible. I couldn’t hold them back.

When I got home I curled into bed and cried. I felt it in the very core of my soul. Every fiber of my being ached for those small children, teachers, and the families that were left behind. I was yelling at my husband, completely incapable of wrapping my head around how anyone could do such a thing.

Mornings around here are usually really crazy. Typically my 8 year old is, okay in the mornings, bright eyed and bushy tailed like his father. I don’t get that at all as I am a terrible and grumpy person in the morning. My 5 year old daughter takes after me. She is typically cranky, fussy, whiney, and I have to drag her out of bed.

Sometimes it’s not that bad but a usual morning here is off the chain crazy. Now I also have to get my 3 year old ready for school too and it’s been crazy for me trying to adjust.

Well this morning everything was off. We all overslept – even my 15 year old son. So getting everyone up and ready was like running a marathon. All the roles reversed though and today my 8 year old made my life crazy while my daughter, she was sweet as pie.

I have been in Real Estate class for the past 6 weeks and I am ready for it to be over. My brain hurts and my confidence is nearly non-existent. I don’t know why I am so full of doubt but I think I need to relax, seriously.

When it was mid-term time 2 weeks ago I was freaking out too. I was having panic attacks and my anxiety level was through the roof. I had called my dad because I couldn’t take the pressure in my chest. Naturally he starts with building my confidence “Beth, you are so smart you can do this without a problem. Just relax, you are going to do great!” Of course he is supposed to say that, he’s my dad.

I took a long walk and cleared my head a little, tried to muster up a little confidence telling myself it’s multiple choice so I will do great. I marched into the room and sat down, the panic and anxiety went away and I did my best.

My score: 96%

I love December! The best thing about this month is Christmas. There are so many wonderful things that I couldn’t list them all if I wanted to. The best part (right now) is my mood is up and my home is happy.

Every year we turn on the Christmas music, make some hot cocoa, decorate the tree, and then dance around the house as a family. It is probably the most joyable night of the year for me. My heart is so filled with love, happiness, and incredible amounts of joy.