I haven’t started a new job in three years. That job lasted a whole three months before I fell into a major depressive episode with severe psychosis. It was a crazy time for me to say the very least.
Previously, any time I started work it was because of pressure from my husband. He could never tolerate me not working and not bringing in extra money. It was very hard on everyone because the decision to work was never my own, it was forced.
This time I am working because I want to work. It is a very part time position working about 12 hours per week. Again, it is on my terms with hours I am comfortable with and a job I enjoy doing. It is working out well.
I’m not doing anything exciting it’s just some office work and database stuff, but it’s something besides a husband and kids. It’s something for me. I feel like I can breathe again.
I was so anxious that first day that I almost backed out. I wanted to start but I was so filled with fear of failing that I was ready to give up before I even began. I knew that wasn’t me and wasn’t my nature so I pushed through all the anxiety and I am thrilled that I did. Now I am registering for classes so that I can get my real estate license and be an even better assistant. Who knows, maybe it will lead to me being an agent too, but for now I can just be a really awesome assistant!
I’m excited for the opportunities that are in front of me but I fear the consequences of working too much or too hard. For now I am taking baby steps until I can at least get my feet wet and see how I feel about this type of work. I know if I were to pursue real estate I would be working more on my own terms and on my own schedule and I get a great bit of peace from knowing that.
Despite my often severe social anxiety I have never had a problem working with clients. In fact, I enjoy it tremendously. I love helping people and making others happy, what I struuggle with is working under a manager. I also hate working in a team with other people (like in an office) because the drama drives me bonkers. I just can’t stand it!
My dad has been encouraging me to get my licence for a few years now because he believes it will be an excellent fit for me. I think he might be right considering what I’ve already seen working the past two weeks. Time will tell! All I can say right now is it feels great to work again and have something other than a house and kids. It also feels great to look forward to something again and to have goals. It all feels wonderful.
Then again, in the beginning it always does feel great. Too bad it never lasts. I’m crossing my fingers and hoping this doesn’t end like everything else I try to do, me in a depressive episode and my family falling apart.
Working woman photo available from Shutterstock
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Last reviewed: 24 Oct 2012