I have always been extremely sensitive with all issues surrounding my little guy. At 3 years old he is so far behind others his age but at the same time, there are areas in which he has progressed to a 5 year olds level.
I have been working with our county to get him tested, evaluated, and treated. I would like to believe the hardest part of the process was the process itself of evaluations, IEP’s, doctors, and therapists. I love my little guy and I am ready for him to make progress that I can’t seem to help him make on my own.
I got the call today. He starts pre-school services through the school on November 13. I’m stoked!
With everything that has been going on around here, dealing with him has not been easy. I do the best I can but I don’t have the tools necessary to help him, so I know this is an excellent opportunity for him to learn and grow in the right environment. As happy as I am that he is going to be getting the help he needs and deserves, I am still reserved. My anxiety is weighing on me.
With working part-time again I also need to find a safe and reliable sitter who can work with him outside of his classroom. I think I have found one. It’s a licenced in home daycare run but a very well qualified woman. I have to think a lot about it, and trusting a stranger with my amazing and incredible little guy with special needs is very stressful.
I know that he needs this but it is making my stomach hurt. I require a dose of ativan, two weeks of preparations, and therapy just to do something most moms can do with just a little anxiety. I can do this though, I know I can do this!
The last time I completely fell apart was when I had to leave him to go to work. He was only 9 weeks old and I was still nursing him. My hormones were going bonkers and I was a wreck. Within 3 months I was in the hospital out of my mind. The thought of leaving him again digs up all those old and very painful memories of a time in my life I’d rather forget.
I am trying to muster up the strength to prepare for a very big step for both of us. I am starting real estate classes to get my licence for work, and he is starting pre-school classes to get the therapy he needs. So I have to cope with him being away at school, and then in the care of a stranger, as well as my own work and school.
I really hope I am not taking on more than I can handle. My doc is watching me closely and my hubby has his eyes on me too. So far I am hanging in there. With a good mood stablizer on board I think I will be okay, plus with great people keeping an eye on me I do not think falling apart will be possible.
Wish me luck!
Young boy photo available from Shutterstock
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Last reviewed: 31 Oct 2012