When we made the decision to buy a new home, it was very hard on me. After we lost everything and then some, making such a huge decision was almost crippling. I turned to my husband for support and encouragement, and together we moved forward.
It took about 6 months to make the big decision, but I was thrilled when we finally went under contract to have a home built. We both felt a huge sense of accomplishment. We had finally made our way through the worst time of our lives.
As we waited anxiously for our home to be built, we made trips almost daily to watch as our dirt lot become a beautiful home. Our excitement was almost too much to handle! We started buying new furniture, new decorations, new everything. We decided this was the perfect time to completely start over. It was so exciting! Well, of course it was exciting spending so much money; that is something I have always done best.
Moving day came and went and boy was it disastrous. This dark cloud hung over my head for two solid weeks. I still don’t know how I managed to keep myself together through it but I did. When falling apart was not an option, to my own astonishment I did not fall apart! It is crazy how that worked for me.
Anyway, the past week things have really come together and it has been incredible. Once I sat down and took a good look around I began to grieve. It was suddenly very difficult to see that nothing was mine, and everything around me was new. My living room, kitchen, dining room, kids bedrooms, even the comforter sets were all new. I felt like I was a visitor in someone else’s home. My head was spinning and my heart ached.
I called my dad and talked to him about the way I was feeling. He is so smart, have I ever mentioned how much I love my dad? He’s amazing. Anyway, he does a lot of real estate stuff and started to explain that what I was feeling was completely normal and expected with a big move. I had a hard time understanding that because I had never felt this way before when we had moved. I guess that is because I had my own stuff, and was comforted by its familiarity.
So dad tells me to find everything that is mine from the old house and shift my focus towards putting those things around the new house. So I worked hard to forget about all the new stuff and got busy digging through boxes to find my stuff. It was tough (and a slow process) but gradually my house started to become mine again. Once I started putting my pictures up, and my “clutter” started taking over counters and tables, I started feeling so much better.
I still have a hard time looking around and I miss my old house and all my old furniture, but I am starting to feel more stable now. I thought I was being bipolar about the move but once I realized that what I was experiencing is very normal, I was able to get through it pretty quickly.
As for my mood, it has been all over the place. I’m always stuck somewhere between elated, pissed off, sad, and frustrated. Sometimes I even feel it all at once. I’m working on that too though, hoping that it doesn’t take too long to get my feet grounded and my mood stabilized.
Just last night I had laid down to rest some and woke up ready to choke someone. I have no idea why and the harder I tried to be pleasant the nastier I got. I just ignored everyone for a while until the irritability subsided some. My husband got really angry with me and doesn’t understand that sometimes I just have to get it out.
Keeping it bottled up inside all the time does have many disadvantages; the snap is one of them.
Time to finish looking for all my stuff and finding a way to make this home my own!
New home photo available from Shutterstock
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Last reviewed: 12 Sep 2012