The most important thing my father drilled into my brothers and I growing up was that, in the end, all we have is each other. It never made sense until I got older and stopped hating them. For many years my brothers had my back and I had theirs. We were all very close and we took care of one another.
Then we grew up. Three of us got married and we all had kids. Once our lives started to branch off into different directions, those bonds we once had were cut pretty deep. I do miss those days and my heart breaks to think of how much we’ve all grown apart over the past five years or so.
The one I have drifted away from the most is my oldest brother. He was always our protector. Even as adults he was always the one who kept us in line. When he got married, his new (very young) bride was very jealous of me. It spawned this horrible chain of events which ultimately destroyed my relationship with my oldest brother and even my father. Eventually my husband convinced me that there was nothing I could do to change any of it.
As a result, I gave up my close relationship with both my father and my brother, and my sister-in-law smiled and gladly pushed me aside. There was a time when my brother would tell her, “If I ever have to choose between you and my sister, she wins.” Once he had a couple kids, his tune changed for the sake of peace.
Then there came a point when the constant fighting between her and I put a major strain on my relationship with my father. Finally, my dad figured out she is just a douchebag. He apologized and has worked very hard to rebuild my relationship with him. She is still angry about that to this day. She doesn’t trump me any longer, and it really, really, pisses her off.
So with all the craziness my sister-in-law has caused in our family, I now have a problem bigger than I know what to do with. Considering our history, I can’t say much without being considered a horrible person, so I haven’t said anything. Now that my concern is overtaking any ability I have to keep quiet, I think things are going to get really bad.
Needless to say, I could use some advice before I go all bipolar on her crazy ass and create the mother of all feuds.
She has lost a tremendous amount of weight. I mean – a good 75 pounds in about 4 months. She is getting reckless, she is hurting my brother, and she is neglecting my nephews. My head is spinning. I know this is not my problem, but he is my brother, those boys are my nephews, and in the end I am always going to be his little sister.
So, she has been acting very reckless, leaving for hours at a time until 2 or 3 am with my brother concerned about where she is. She is with this one girlfriend of hers around the clock. She is posting seductive pictures of herself on Facebook, and when I say seductive I mean the type of pictures you would find in a sports illustrated swimsuit edition of a 20 year old model, not a 30 year old wife and mother!
She is not taking care of my nephews and she sneaks around doing who knows what while my brother is out of town for work. I know he is trying to get her to stay home more but she just won’t! Their house is dirty and it smells, they are having some financial troubles but she won’t go back to work and doesn’t handle her responsibilities at home as a stay at home mom should. She leaves her 3 children ages 10, 7, and 18 months at home for hours while she goes out, leaving the oldest in charge. That doesn’t sit well with me on so many levels; I don’t have enough time to go into it.
She is neglecting those boys, putting the baby to bed and leaving the other two to go to bed on their own while she is out partying or doing whatever it is she does. So why is this suddenly a problem? Well, because it hit me after something happened last night.
Yesterday, my husband and I took our three oldest kids to watch a game and get some dinner. My brother was there and my little one adores him, so I dropped him off with them while we went. As soon as my brother headed out to the airport she started texting me to get back and get my son, pretty aggressively. When I got there she had my little one sitting by the door, diaper bag packed. She pretty much shoved him at me and was quickly saying goodbye as she explained how she had to get to the store before they closed. It was 7:30 in the evening; where we live, I don’t know of any stores that close before 9 pm.
As I drove away from her house, I looked behind me and sure enough, there she was. I was sitting at the entrance of the neighborhood and she pulled up next to me as though she was leaving, and after I turned and headed up the road, she did a U-turn right back into the neighborhood. My husband and I were both like, “Hmm, what’s that about??” and then I knew she was on her way to this girl’s house. So my husband and I decided to backtrack through the back side of the neighborhood and checked her house first. Nope, four kids there (hers, plus one of my nephews friends) all alone, all under the age of 10. So I drove past her friend’s house and as suspected, there she was.
My heart was beating so fast I was having trouble breathing. I couldn’t believe the way she acted just to get to her friend’s house. Leaving her children home alone at 7:30 on a Sunday night and demanding I come back immediately to get my son when we weren’t even finished for the night, just to go to this girl’s house.
As a mom, I think Sunday nights are important. That’s when we get ready for our week. We all spend time together: clean up, get clothes together, gather school stuff, pack backpacks, gather up the lunch boxes and make sure we’re prepared for the busy week ahead. We rarely do anything on a Sunday night.
So, with all that said, my head is spinning. My heart is breaking for my nephews and my brother. Those young boys are home alone while their daddy is out of town trying to work. She is doing things that no one in their right mind would ever do.
Perhaps she’s gone manic? Perhaps she’s having some crazy wild affair with this woman? Maybe it’s drug related? (She is so skinny she looks sick). These kids are in danger and they are being severely neglected. Do I keep my mouth shut?
I’m not one to sit back and let things fall apart when it comes to those I love. These kids cannot speak for themselves. Is it time that I speak for them?
This is affecting me in huge ways and I am starting to feel extremely depressed and agitated. I can’t have this send me out of control; I can’t afford to lose it right now over someone else’s problems. I feel like I can’t help it. I’m hurting so much for them.
Crazy looking woman photo available from Shutterstock
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Last reviewed: 17 Sep 2012