Individuals with Bipolar have problems with money. It is a fact. It is not something I have ever been proud of and something I have struggled with for years. I have made remarkable progress when it comes to spending money, however, I am still under my husband’s microscope when it comes to any spending.
After our bankruptcy, we made dramatic (possibly extreme) changes to our spending habits. Our budget was squeezed, our money distributed to different accounts to attempt to find some type of financial stability. It has worked so far.
Well, early last year my husband expressed to me (after taking all the money away) that if I wanted extra money to spend, to start blogging or keep a child at our home for extra cash. I did, and he did not hold up his end of the deal.
Now, my “extra cash” has to go into the main pot for our household needs. I’ve never really griped about it because I still have enough to do little things for myself like an occasional pedicure, a nice haircut, Starbucks, etc. It has been something I have adjusted to, and that is okay with me.
But, we have a new problem.
My husband has been on Effexor XR for a few months now. I did NOT want him taking it because of the many horrible effects that I was able to experience firsthand. He didn’t listen and took it anyway. Well, I think he’s gone a teeny bit manic.
Here is the deal. He puts 14% of his income into his 401k – that’s great. I think it is wonderful that we have been able to manage that much saving. Now, my problem is, he is starting with this “I work hard! I deserve more! I deserve a nicer car! I deserve to have more for myself!”
Oh my. Oh dear. Oh boy!
Now I get to hear “you spend all the money, I don’t get anything for myself!” Yep folks, paying bills, buying groceries and taking care of our children’s needs equates to me spending “all the money” because that is all I get money for! Well, aside from the $100 or so a month I spend on myself.
So here is my thought – and I may be wrong but here is how I feel about it – if he chooses to put all of our extra money into his 401k, that is what he is doing with “his” extra money. I explained to him that he will not squeeze from this family’s need to save money. Our needs (not our wants) must be taken care of and provided for first and foremost above what he puts in his savings.
So, doesn’t it make sense that if he feels he is “neglected” and “works hard” for this family, that he should put less in his 401k to allow him that extra money he feels he is entitled to? I am not arguing the fact that he works hard, goes to school, and takes good care of us. That has never been in question. What I am questioning is, why on earth is he putting 14% in his 401k if he feels he is neglecting his own wants?
I am so frustrated. I have my blog and the extra little bit I get from that was supposed to ultimately be my spending cash. Money just for me to do something for myself. It hasn’t turned out to be the case, and anything I do spend on myself is ridiculed. I should not be allowed to have anything because he wants to save every penny?
I feel like I only live once. I take care of four kids and a home. I do the best I can, and sometimes that means I don’t do anything at all, but that is just how it is. I am not going to be the woman who doesn’t take care of herself and gets lost in being a wife and a mommy. I still need my pedicure once in a while, a good haircut, a cup of coffee, or lunch with a friend. I deserve all of these things because I work hard too. I blog, I take care of kids, I am just as deserving as he is!
It doesn’t seem like he sees it the same way. Only he is entitled, and I need to “quit spending all the money” and give him more. I could give him more if he didn’t take it all!
I just don’t know what to do! Suggestions, anyone?
Shopping photo available from Shutterstock.
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Last reviewed: 30 Jun 2012