After living my whole life in a permanent state of instability and chaos, I had finally found “home” and was very happy where we were. We had a beautiful home on a half-acre, my oldest son had many friends, and things were pretty good. The decision to give that up and become “renters” nearly killed me.
Leaving “home” was when I started declining. It was a combination of things: a new baby, 4 kids, losing our business, the bankruptcy, then losing my home and cars. It was so tough on me that I struggled for a very long time. I played the blame game and had a very long pity party. I took the brunt of the blame, and it took a while to come out of it.
Last Friday, we signed a contract on a brand new home. This coming August we will be homeowners again. It was a very scary decision to make but once we found our dream house for the perfect price all that anxiety and fear went out the window.
It felt – incredible.
There has been an overwhelming amount of uncertainty lately. Mainly in my marriage, where we are headed, what we are doing, and how on earth we are going to even make it through so much. That has also eased some too.
I’ve been working on my marriage a lot and I have been trying to open up to my husband more. Things seem to be working themselves out there. Signing a contract on a home that will be ours again was also very refreshing between my husband and I. It’s like a long-standing grudge has been forgiven and we can move forward. There is nothing worse than standing still for 3 solid years waiting for something to get better.
We are finally there, and with a bright future ahead of us we are trying to look up instead of down.
This past month has been very full. Getting approved for Social Security was a very big step in the right direction for me, my family doctor is taking over my medical care (that’s another story!), my husband and I are really trying to overcome the “crap” and now we are going to buy a home.
Now if I can manage to keep my anxiety under control until the construction is complete, all will be okay! That’s the worst part; I am not a patient person and this requires patience. Hopefully, by the time we move, my husband and I will also be settled with a good therapist and headed in the right direction.
Home photo available from Shutterstock.
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Last reviewed: 20 May 2012