Back in October of last year my 15 year old son and I came into some major problems. He began to feel resentment towards me and the fighting that came about left me an absolute emotional wreck. One day, I had to actually call the police because his actions terrified me. His aggression was out of control.
He asked to move with his biological father. I was stunned. His father has not ever been a part of his life despite my efforts for years to force a relationship. It was very hard on me for a long time but eventually I resorted to the fact that his father just didn’t care. When my son asked to live with him I agreed. I wanted him to have the chance to get to know the man he never knew. It was hard to let him go, but as he was approaching his 15th birthday, I knew that this decision was his to make, not mine.
I talked to his father and we agreed he would move with him. While I was not happy with the idea I supported whatever relationship they may have been able to find through this move. I cried, a lot. I crashed into the most terrible depression ever and had the worst 2 months of my life. Letting him go was so hard. I had him with me since the day he was born. It wasn’t like he was venturing to college or moving on his own.
He was almost 4 hours away, living with strangers. It broke my heart.
He adjusted well for the most part and started doing better in school. His mood swings stopped and he stopped the medication he was taking. He had been diagnosed as “possibly bipolar” and we tried to work with that. I don’t believe that he suffered like me, I think he just had so much resentment towards me that he acted out in horrendous ways.
Now that he knows who his father is and the man he is, I think he is seeing things through different eyes. During Christmas break, all he would say is “Mom, please don’t send me back. I want to stay here, I want to stay home” and those words cut through me like a knife. There was nothing I could do – my hands were tied. When he moved we had agreed he would stay through the end of his freshman year. He had 6 months to go.
After he went back I felt myself slipping more. My family is broken, my kids miss him and I miss him. My husband misses him, we all miss him so much. I feel so bad for my other 3 kids because they don’t understand the reasons he left. Sometimes my 4 year old daughter will just cry for him. When he was home for Christmas, my 2 year old son with autism barely got out of his lap. Everything was so “normal” and I felt complete and happy again.
A couple of weeks ago after a long talk with my husband, we agreed that it is time to bring him home. It goes beyond his requests to come home or his unhappiness with his biological father. It goes much deeper. My younger ones are getting more anxious and sad. I feel myself not being able to shake the sadness and grief that I feel. My home is so incomplete that it hurts. I need help keeping up with things around here, I am so used to him being here. I think we both took each other for granted, and it is now time for that to change.
Next weekend he is coming home, he is moving back. It is my daughter’s 5th birthday party; what a splendid present that will be. The big brother she misses and cries for is moving home – on HER birthday. I get choked up thinking about how wonderful her and the boys will feel with their big brother coming home.
I know having a teenager back in the house is going to be difficult, but he has promised that things will change. I know he will still be emotional and probably ungrateful, but that will be nothing compared to what the last several months have been like living without him here with us.
My son is moving back home!
Suitcase photo available from Shutterstock.
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Last reviewed: 22 Feb 2012