womanI don’t know what hurts more right now, my eyes or my heart. It has been so long since I cried this much.

My son called my mother and told her a bunch of lies – she believed him. Since he was born she’s always been sticking up for him, constantly telling me how I’ve done it all wrong. This is coming from the mother who left us with my father when I was four.  She married a man and moved away, tried to have a baby with him, while taking us for visits with her only a couple times a year. This from a woman who never gave me an example of how to be a mother.

Through it all, with no example and nothing to show me how to be a mother, I still prevailed and did the best I could. I was already one up on her by raising my son. When I was 13 and went to live with her she sent me right back to my aunt’s because her husband left her and she couldn’t take care of me – because her husband left her.

Wow.

She called me last night and the first thing she said to me is “what the hell is wrong with you?!” as my son sat and glared at me with a gloating smirk. A “ha, that will teach you” look as though he “won” this fight. He didn’t win anything, all he did was cause a serious problem in a relationship that already was (and has been for a long time) fragile.

She gets angry with me for not being honest about the conditions of my life. She moved away – to Germany. She left us and in my opinion she has no right to butt in on the current situation nor is she even entitled to an opinion. When I do attempt to talk to her she gives responses like “that’s just life Beth, get over it” or even better “I’m over here and you’re over there, what do you want me to do about it?” and her best response “I am tired I’ve had a long day, I don’t feel like talking.” Again – wow.

I do not tell her the things that happen and instead give her the brief generic “all is well mother.”  Her snide remarks and lack of compassion have forced me to keep my problems mine and not involve her in my daily affairs. It’s not worth being shot down when I seek her comfort. I call my dad and he coaches me through the troubles I face with a gentle voice and a mind of wisdom.

It’s really no wonder I am so lost when it comes to being a mother. I had a stepmother who was all about her son and a mother of my own who was most certainly no mother at all.

I laid in bed for hours this afternoon while the baby was in his room.  I was just sobbing and clutching my chest thinking maybe if I cried hard enough it would take the pain away. It didn’t. It still hurts. Only now, my own mother, the woman who was supposed to be there for me to support me and guide me has turned her back on me too.

The one part of motherhood my mother has mastered and does so well - criticize. She’s so damn good at it that she can’t seem to develop any skills that might possibly put her in a category of being an actual mother. I am not saying my mother doesn’t love me, all I am saying is that my son is always going to take the cake when it comes to any relationship barriers that might exist. She tells me “you two just need to stay away from each other.” That statement makes me cringe. She is talking to me as if we are both her children, young teenage siblings in a spat, and the answer is to just “stay away from each other.”

I am his mother and I am not going to “stay away from him” because he doesn’t like my parenting style. I say screw her, maybe she should read a book or two about how to be a parent before she hands out ill advice.

I feel sick.

Photo by Esty Ketsy, available under a Creative Commons attribution license.

 


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    Last reviewed: 22 Sep 2011

APA Reference
Anonymous. (2011). No Wonder I Suck – My Mother Sucks Too!. Psych Central. Retrieved on August 29, 2014, from http://blogs.psychcentral.com/bipolar-mom/2011/09/no-wonder-i-suck-my-mother-sucks-too/

 

 

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