I haven’t written this week because I have been consumed by grief doing everything in my power trying to keep my mind busy. It hasn’t worked as well as I had hoped but it has given me time to come to terms with the reality that I set my own pain and selfishness aside to give my oldest son what he desires most – a relationship with his biological father.
I would have done anything to keep him here with me. I cried and I hurt. He is now 3.5 hours away from me, he left Sunday. It’s not the same around here, it is so quiet and calm. I miss him so much.
I picked up the phone a couple nights ago to call him home for dinner, and when it hit me he wasn’t just down the street I realized that I was going to be okay. He’s not gone forever, I just won’t get to see him very often.
I am okay.